Does anyone else struggle with focus / concentration issues?

[itsover14]

Such that it interferes with trying to figure out methods. (It makes life difficult too, obviously, let alone attempts to end life)

I have been lurking here for years. Maybe 2-3 times for year I go on a research binge; I over-research everything in general anyway and definitely for something like suicide (when one is pain adverse) it seems like research is extremely important.

But I always get derailed because there's just too much to research. eg I try to compile common mistakes / tips, but there's conflicting information, so I get frustrated and give up.

Fortunately (?) I'm at a point where the pain of life is making me quite willing to accept a bit of pain to get death. It just needs to work, and I'll be satisfied. But I'm so limited in my options; SN sounds too risky to get sent to the country I'm in, and hanging - there's just so much that can go wrong. Having to figure out knots / rope type / the pressure on your carotid arteries / making sure nothing can go wrong after losing consciousness - if you lose consciousness.

To say nothing of installing an anchor point. Full suspension just seems impossible to manage, can't set it up. Partial unreliable. So. sigh

I dunno it just seems ridiculous. People manage to kill themselves every day, surely I can succeed. But then, I am very stupid :( Otherwise I'd be able to figure things out and live.

 

[TBONTB]

Such that it interferes with trying to figure out methods. (It makes life difficult too, obviously, let alone attempts to end life)

I have been lurking here for years. Maybe 2-3 times for year I go on a research binge; I over-research everything in general anyway and definitely for something like suicide (when one is pain adverse) it seems like research is extremely important.

But I always get derailed because there's just too much to research. eg I try to compile common mistakes / tips, but there's conflicting information, so I get frustrated and give up.

Fortunately (?) I'm at a point where the pain of life is making me quite willing to accept a bit of pain to get death. It just needs to work, and I'll be satisfied. But I'm so limited in my options; SN sounds too risky to get sent to the country I'm in, and hanging - there's just so much that can go wrong. Having to figure out knots / rope type / the pressure on your carotid arteries / making sure nothing can go wrong after losing consciousness - if you lose consciousness.

To say nothing of installing an anchor point. Full suspension just seems impossible to manage, can't set it up. Partial unreliable. So. sigh

I dunno it just seems ridiculous. People manage to kill themselves every day, surely I can succeed. But then, I am very stupid :( Otherwise I'd be able to figure things out and live.

You know, this is hard on the brain because it is actually pretty complicated, imo.

 

[itsover14]

You know, this is hard on the brain because it is actually pretty complicated, imo.

Sadly, everything is hard on my brain :( That I don't intuitively understand at least. Like people, I understand people rather well. But technical things, skilled things are a hard no. These days at least, I used to be good at figuring things out but it's too difficult now to concentrate and force myself to push through.

It does help to hear others say figuring this stuff out is complicated too. But then you hear (tragic) stories of teens figuring it out, and it's just like, why not me too :(

 

[TBONTB]

Sadly, everything is hard on my brain :( That I don't intuitively understand at least. Like people, I understand people rather well. But technical things, skilled things are a hard no. These days at least, I used to be good at figuring things out but it's too difficult now to concentrate and force myself to push through.

It does help to hear others say figuring this stuff out is complicated too. But then you hear (tragic) stories of teens figuring it out, and it's just like, why not

Yeah, my brain used to be better at figuring stuff out. It's the stress, and the Internet.

Do you write stuff down at all? That can help

 

[itsover14]

Yeah, my brain used to be better at figuring stuff out. It's the stress, and the Internet.

Do you write stuff down at all? That can help

Yes I try to write down everything in bulleted lists in a document. It does help, until I start adding too much info, and then it's overwhelming :(

So eg there's so much that can go wrong with partial suspension, so many tips on things to avoid - and things to do. And as I quote more and more I just give up without learning much. Story of my life these days I'm afraid :(

Makes me want to try again to figure out SN, but the logistics of it are pretty tough. Not to mention, don't want to trigger a wellness check.

The thing is, I understand why society makes suicide difficult to carry out. I read once years ago in the WHO that making suicide inaccessible is one of the best suicide prevention strategies, as if we truly had those Futurama suicide booths they say the spur-of-the-moment folks would be offing themselves at a moment's notice.

But, I did read once about a girl in the Netherlands I think it was, where they allow euthanasia for treatment-resistant depression (must be cleared by I think 5 doctors, and the patient must go through all recommended treatment). And, trying to get herself to swallow the (pain-free) poison actually cured her of her depression. I've heard so many similar stories where people attempted suicide, even disfigured themselves, and ended up (finally) with a will to live. So, strangely, perhaps a genuine suicide attempt is just what the doctor might order, in a more civilized country at least.

 

[TBONTB]

Yes I try to write down everything in bulleted lists in a document. It does help, until I start adding too much info, and then it's overwhelming :(

So eg there's so much that can go wrong with partial suspension, so many tips on things to avoid - and things to do. And as I quote more and more I just give up without learning much. Story of my life these days I'm afraid :(

Makes me want to try again to figure out SN, but the logistics of it are pretty tough. Not to mention, don't want to trigger a wellness check.

The thing is, I understand why society makes suicide difficult to carry out. I read once years ago in the WHO that making suicide inaccessible is one of the best suicide prevention strategies, as if we truly had those Futurama suicide booths they say the spur-of-the-moment folks would be offing themselves at a moment's notice.

But, I did read once about a girl in the Netherlands I think it was, where they allow euthanasia for treatment-resistant depression (must be cleared by I think 5 doctors, and the patient must go through all recommended treatment). And, trying to get herself to swallow the (pain-free) poison actually cured her of her depression. I've heard so many similar stories where people attempted suicide, even disfigured themselves, and ended up (finally) with a will to live. So, strangely, perhaps a genuine suicide attempt is just what the doctor might order, in a more civilized country at least.

I do wish we had an easier ability to select into suicide. The work, and worry, and damage of figuring this out is harsh

 

[EmptyBottle]

oh wow, I do. By planning work and similar, I was able to partially mitigate the effects, but in Year 12 and 11, it was bad, to the point where I would read CTB stuff and hope I can make something work to non-exist. (Luckily it is improving, tho hope it keeps improving)

 

[itsover14]

I do wish we had an easier ability to select into suicide. The work, and worry, and damage of figuring this out is harsh

Yes it's too difficult to figure out :( But, I simply must. Absolutely no choice now. Honestly jumping is terrifying, I've stood on the edge before and couldn't for fear of pain, but if I can't figure out SN or hanging I'll try that again.

oh wow, I do. By planning work and similar, I was able to partially mitigate the effects, but in Year 12 and 11, it was bad, to the point where I would read CTB stuff and hope I can make something work to non-exist. (Luckily it is improving, tho hope it keeps improving)

Glad you could figure out some workarounds!!! Sounds like you're headed in the right direction, so I hope you can just keep going onwards and upwards :)

 

[Galam]

Have you a disability, maybe fetal alcohol syndrome? I cannot really find concentration either, I used energy drinks and some supplements but at the end the real problem seems to be the genetics and bullying from others, the isolation. I am always alone, the only warmth I have is from showering, my own hands/arms or my bed or some blankets.
I read a article long time ago, about infants who were not touched after birth and they died off, it was said because they needed warmth of another human or animal. I lose weight too, because you jave no hunger when you are all alone and without any hope that things get better, and I feel stressed all the time. I don't do any sport but other people put me in the category anorexia, sceleton, drug addict. I never did anything wrong, I just suffer from bad genes and the bullying, discriminiation (poverty). It makes you really ill and it is painful. The only drug I try to get is fentanyl pads, because this life is just suffering for nothing, for richer people to get more rich (therapists and other assholes).

 

[itsover14]

Have you a disability, maybe fetal alcohol syndrome? I cannot really find concentration either, I used energy drinks and some supplements but at the end the real problem seems to be the genetics and bullying from others, the isolation. I am always alone, the only warmth I have is from showering, my own hands/arms or my bed or some blankets.
I read a article long time ago, about infants who were not touched after birth and they died off, it was said because they needed warmth of another human or animal. I lose weight too, because you jave no hunger when you are all alone and without any hope that things get better, and I feel stressed all the time. I don't do any sport but other people put me in the category anorexia, sceleton, drug addict. I never did anything wrong, I just suffer from bad genes and the bullying, discriminiation (poverty). It makes you really ill and it is painful. The only drug I try to get is fentanyl pads, because this life is just suffering for nothing, for richer people to get more rich (therapists and other assholes).

No, no disability. Just depression and anxiety are all I've been diagnosed with. The medical advice I've received about my inability to focus is just to tough it out, and also tips and strategies I'd already figured out on my own (eg break down tasks into (ridiculously) small parts). But, micromanaging my motivation is beyond exhausting :(

I do think my problems are inherited from my mother, bless her. Who got them from her mother. So, cursed by nature I suppose. Nurture can only do so much sometimes.

And yeah I've read about what happened in communist Romania with the babies in facilities, absolutely horrifying :( Though I was definitely hugged very very much as a baby and child, so I definitely don't have that excuse. Physical touch from a loved one can be quite soothing though, that's for sure, I'm sorry you don't have it :(

I hope you can manage to do at least one nice thing for yourself this week that gives you some relief, and maybe even the week after that too

 

[rainatthetraintrack]

yes. i have ADHD and sleep deprived.

 

[itsover14]

yes. i have ADHD and sleep deprived.

No ADHD for me, though I certainly understand insomnia. Insomnia is a special kind of hell when you're mentally unwell. Hope things aren't too brutal for you right now

 

[divinemistress36]

Yes, brain injury. Most the methods on here are to complicated for my brain to figure out . If I was smart Id be dead right now

 

[itsover14]

Yes, brain injury. Most the methods on here are to complicated for my brain to figure out . If I was smart Id be dead right now

Oh goodness a traumatic brain injury can truly make life too difficult, sorry that happened to you :( I know what you mean about the methods here seeming to be very complicated; I have to put it in a google doc and work through things step by step.

The Peaceful Pill Handbook has things explained in very simple to understand language (as it's aimed at the elderly and terminally unwell). Really helped me understand the basics of the procedures described in there, eg SN.

I feel if I was smart I'd be dead by now too, I bought everything for the inert gas method twice over in the past 11 years but assembling everything properly, sigh :(

 

[EmptyBottle]

The DFUZ method may help with focus:

 

[itsover14]

The DFUZ method may help with focus:

Thank you very kindly, though can I confess, I can only ever get 7-8 minutes through one of those videos :(

Hope you're having an okay day so far