Does anyone else not want to die but feel like they have to?

[sm20]

I've learned that I might be in the process of going blind, I have tons of other health issues too but I really want to stay alive but I just can't live the way I want to. Does anyone else feel like this?

 

[poisonedminds]

I think we all wish things were different and we didn't have to resort to ctb. Of course I wish I had other options. I am a joyful person, I would really love to be able to stay and live my life, but I can't if things are going to be this way. No one chooses to die, I think we all feel like we have no choice, no other options.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Yes, I want to live a life free of constant pain and disability. Sadly, this isn't currently possible and likely never will be be during our lifetimes. If I was not so sick, I would want to be alive and seize every possible opportunity to enjoy life. That just isn't what fate has in store for me though. This world is a cruel mistress indeed.

 

[BlankUser]

I think sometimes some of us don't want to die. We just want to escape the pain. Sadly, sometimes, escaping the pain means death.

 

[Busticket]

Yes...
I don't really want to ctb.
I mean if I was rich and never had to work again I'd live to 500 years old...

 

[All Things Must Pass]

Why are you going blind, if you don't mind telling?

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Have to avoid my future, it looks like shit. Living with parents without any money when singularity hits won't be a walk in the park. Hell, even if I manage to get some shitty minimum wage job (unlikely) I'd still be fucked.

 

[sm20]

Why are you going blind, if you don't mind telling?

I'm not sure which is the main problem. I feel lots of pain behind my eyes and my eye doctor can't find anything. I see blue flashes of light in the center of my vision all the time and see random black spots in my vision. None of these are good signs and if I'm worried my doctor won't find anything before it's too late.

 

[LifeIsAChore11]

I'm not sure which is the main problem. I feel lots of pain behind my eyes and my eye doctor can't find anything. I see blue flashes of light in the center of my vision all the time and see random black spots in my vision. None of these are good signs and if I'm worried my doctor won't find anything before it's too late.

I'm not sure what your insurance situation is, but shop around for doctors. They always miss stuff. Go to a university hospital if you can. My friend had some rare eye cancer that the doctor missed and he had pains and stuff, he ended up going to a prestigious university hospital and they found it.

 

[Beachedwhale]

Have to avoid my future, it looks like shit. Living with parents without any money when singularity hits won't be a walk in the park. Hell, even if I manage to get some shitty minimum wage job (unlikely) I'd still be fucked.

Just learn to code bro!

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Just learn to code bro!

I am too boomer tech for that, lol.

 

[WornOutLife]

Ummm, I used to feel like that.

Now, no matter how great my health is or how much money I have, I just find life and this universe nonsense and I just feel like a dumb ape stuck on a blue rock.

I just wanna get the hell outta this planet.

 

[FuneralCry]

I technically want to be dead as I know that life isn't for me and I have no hope for the future. I really don't want to ctb though, I would love to just pass away peacefully. Honestly I was like that last year though, as my tinnitus and ear issues were at their worst and that was pushing me over the edge and I felt like I had to die to escape the pain and that was pushing me into doing it. Sometimes I just wish things weren't like this though.This life can be so cruel to many people.

 

[Beachedwhale]

I just find life and this universe nonsense and I just feel like a dumb ape stuck on a blue rock.

I just wanna get the hell outta this planet.

Lol nicely put

 

[SweetDreams500]

All of the things I have to do to pull me out of the hole I'm currently in would require a colossal amount of effort that I simply can't afford.

 

[Beachedwhale]

All of the things I have to do to pull me out of the hole I'm currently in would require a colossal amount of effort that I simply can't afford.

Same

 

[IWantToSleep]

Yes, I want to live a life without this terrible anxiety and panic, but I'm losing hope.

 

[losteverthing]

i want to live so much !!!!!!!
there is no words to describe how much i want to live !
the desire is way beyond anything !!
but i've all that i've ever wanted
and all that i've ever had
this killing me on the inside, the fact that i have nothing, and i've lost it all,
it's just something i can't accept
i'm trying so hard to achieve my dream
but if i'll fail then i guess life's over for me

 

[Desdemona]

Yes right there with you. I don't want to die at all but I've been tortured by medical conditions for years and I'm only 27 now. The last few have pushed me to the edge

 

[Wrennie]

I want to live desperately... I don't want to throw away the precious family and friends and memories that I've been blessed with, but my body is failing me and I just can't take it... I can't hold out much longer.

 

[Beachedwhale]

I desperately want to and I constantly dream about the great life I could've had or even the one I could have but I am too exhausted and don't know if I can achieve that to make up for what I've lost.

 

[EnnuiCat]

If I could find joy in something again or rekindle a single iota of hope then I would certainly want to live. But it's sheer torture going through the motions when even on my best days I could care less about anything. I find everything grueling, torturous and futile.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Yes. It's becoming less and less of a choice and more and more of becoming a necessity.
I just found fresh scars on my body that I did not remember inflicting. I know what it potentially means and given that my relationship and intended career may not take off due to my condition, I figured that trying (futilely) would just bring on more heartache.

Date has been somewhat set, settling finances and then it's time for the big giveaway before I leave in a few months.

 

[Dear Agony]

I don't want to die at all. I want to not be in pain. I want to not be worthless. I want to be loved. I want to have friends. I want to get married, and have kids. I want to have a job. I want to have a bunch of dogs. I want to see the peaceful sunset at the beach and be glad I am alive.
But all of those things are not possible, because I am in pain and don't see a way out of it.

 

[SuicidalAgain]

This thread is so painful to read.

I wish I didn't have to do it, but I know I will.

 

[Seiba]

When I was younger with the context of my situation of being homeschooled it was that way to a degree. I was worried about functioning in the world and my lack of ability to self teach myself years and years of schooling to be caught by the time I was eighteen. I've never been under the threat of homelessness so the forced aspect has largely faded, but it was a motivating factor in my first attempt. I'm also just more emotionally empty now as well, so large sudden feelings that would contribute to that aren't really there anymore.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i kinda have to but i also want to so its ok

 

[Bullit]

I don't want to be in this horrible situation, but seeing as I am,I wish I could ctb!

 

[disillusionment]

I don't want to die, I wish I could turn things around completely. I want a happy ending to the sad story I've had so far. Because if I was just born to suffer, do nothing that I want to do, and never be happy and then just die, what was the point of any of this? But if there's some happy chapters in my life, then maybe this life won't have been so pointless. Like, if I could just have some happy moments in between the miserable moments, it would balance things out. But a life of just misery? Was I born just to be tortured? I can't help trying to find meaning out of my existence which is stupid.

 

[Pure]

The guilt and embarrassment from being chronically and severely suicidal and having people know that about me is enough to drive me to suicide even if I'm not actively suicidal in that moment. I feel so disgusted with myself.