Does anyone else do this?

[nys]

I promise myself that I'm going to ctb and then think, What's preventing me from doing it right now? If I can't do it right now, then I'm never going to do it and then I make an excuse to myself about what's preventing me, even if it's just some trivial thing, so I don't wonder why I'm not ctb'ing. My original ctb date was June 2020 and my habit of making up random trivial excuses to myself about why I can't ctb has resulted in me pushing my ctb date years and years back. Does anyone else procrastinate like I do with ctb'ing?

 

[Lily (Osako)]

Right now I'm sort of justifying it by telling myself I have to get everything in order.
I don't HAVE to. I'd like to. It's not a necessity. It will just make things easier for my son when I do ctb.
So I don't know if I'm actually procrastinating or trying to be responsible.
Maybe a bit of both.

 

[summers]

I promise myself that I'm going to ctb and then think, What's preventing me from doing it right now? If I can't do it right now, then I'm never going to do it and then I make an excuse to myself about what's preventing me, even if it's just some trivial thing, so I don't wonder why I'm not ctb'ing. My original ctb date was June 2020 and my habit of making up random trivial excuses to myself about why I can't ctb has resulted in me pushing my ctb date years and years back. Does anyone else procrastinate like I do with ctb'ing?

Why don't you finish school and give life a chance? You're around 2 years past your expiration date, what's a couple more? Remember, you can always ctb (assuming you have the means), but you can't "un-ctb". Kill yourself, and that's that. Your 20s can be a really awesome time in your life.

 

[Huntfish34]

Yep,. I understand and know exactly what you speak of. Been doing the same thing myself for around... 3 years now and it has been driving me up the fckn wall honestly.

Has me wondering... Will I ever Really CTB? Or is it all a lie because I can't actually go through it and pull the damn Fckn trigger.. idk anymore but it's extremely stressful and unsettling. Fml. =\.

 

[Sick&TiredURGH]

For me it's hope. But last year I achieved my core goals for the year, five things I wanted to happen and they did happen. But they didn't help.
Tried to ctb drunk and impulsivily last year and I really regret the fact that it didn't work. I made some major fuck ups between now and then and my niggling medical problems seem to be mounting into an unbearable heap.
So now I have a date and a plan and when I remember that, I feel relief. I also think I had a good practice run on how to make it painless and that helps too, knowing that it won't be like when I was 17 and felt incredibly unwell and still woke up alive the next day.
But at 17, ai hadn't tried therapy and different mind sets and ways of coping, now I have and tbh none of it has really improved things, but at least I can say I tried damn hard to make it all better and y',know what it didn't work. So now I feel more comfortable with what I have planned with the background of experience behind me.