Discussion Do you think finding a lover can change your outcome?

[rotthjärta]

By outcome I mean those who are so certain with ctb. For myself I seem to, I wouldn't say occupy myself because it lessens how much the person means to me but that seems to be the only reasons I'm here, I would never share with them that. I've expressed feelings of suicide but it was once or twice this or last year I don't remember. I don't see a reason to share these thoughts as I don't want to be bothered.

Even with saying I care about them It's hard to admit it, feels wrong because "I shouldn't be here.". I was so determined to just leave everything behind and now I'm stuck here. Very human of me.

I asked this because I wonder If people are in a place where they can't even express these emotions, I wonder because It is so human to find yourself in these confusing conflicting situations. When I was younger I wanted to find someone like me just to go off together or live life without a care. I think I'm just at a different point in life, when I was younger I was so quit to attempt, it's not that I found the secret or the true meaning of life I just reached a different way of perceiving it, I simply don't care much.

I'm just rambling, now its two questions. Has anyone experienced that too?
I'm all for the simple life, I don't really care to do much I just want a small life to myself and avoid all contact with anyone, I mean I don't have friends or anything just my partner. I don't mean that I don't care about them, see its confusing if you say you would stay with someone no matter what because you don't have high standards or ask for too much it sort of can be a back-handed "compliment". Blah blah.

 

[tomame]

yes.

 

[madeincruddy]

I think so, yeah. At the very least, I'd listen if somebody I loved personally asked me to stay, and I think I'd be able to for whatever the duration of our relationship might be

 

[interna]

no, everyone lies

 

[chaoschuckler]

I would reconsider my decision for sure

 

[4colliez]

if i had the guarantee it was real and won't suddenly go to shit then yes

 

[Dejected 55]

My whole problem is having always been alone and unloved. IF I could have that in my life, someone who loved me and was there for me and I could completely trust her... it wouldn't make all the other problems go away, but I wouldn't be alone anymore and that strength would make it so much easier to tolerate the other bad shit.

 

[darksouls]

no, my time is up

 

[FoxSauce]

Probably? Dunno, I do want one Im just scared to hirt them.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Finding a girlfriend would fix my loneliness, but it wont fix my numerous health issues, so even if i find a girlfriend i would still want to ctb.

 

[extremelyugly]

I wouldn't be changed, not after all I've heard about me. I would always be thinking "there is a catch here, she will leave/cheat me" because I would be the same disgusting guy they all think I am, so why would someone magically be interested in me? Doesn't add up. So no.

 

[violetforever]

no lol

 

[DashofPepper]

honestly i dont feel mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship with someone. like its just going to be miserable for them and i wouldnt like to submit anyone to that. i also dont think i could accept the idea of a person caring about me on that sort of level.

 

[Lamentice]

No, I don't believe I am capable of meaningful connection and certainly not love. I hang out with people still, do activities, make plans, have friends... I don't like people though, and I don't like anyone in my life much, I just don't.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

no. but that's mostly because romantic love disgusts me and anyone who would try is severely mentally ill and annoying to boot.

But even if I found a hypothetical ideal partner I would still go through with it. Why? said hypothetical partner deserves better than me

 

[Forever Sleep]

I could imagine that it would force me to stay here. I'm already trying to hold on till my Dad goes first. It wouldn't necessarily mean it would make me happy to stay though.

Not that it's likely to happen anyway. I'm not trying to attract someone. I don't even want to now. My concern though would be- that I'd continue to feel more or less the same- even in a relationship.

If I expressed it to them- I imagine that it would either really worry them or- they'd end up with compassion fatigue and become bored of it.

In which case- I'd feel the need to mask how I truly felt. Which I think would actually make me feel worse! Weirdly- I don't feel lonely being alone. But, if I was around someone who I couldn't be myself with- I think that would make me feel very lonely.

And so- they'd likely end up being another tether here- rather than a support. I've spent the last few years letting my few remaining tethers (in the shape of family and friends) slip loose. To form a connection with someone now would be undoing all of that.

What could also happen would be resentment towards them starting to build. Because- they wouldn't be able to help me but- because of them, I'd feel trapped here again. I think I'm far better off alone. Which in itself makes me comfortable with the situation.

 

[starboy2k]

nah. im repulsed by humanity.

 

[DonLockwood]

I don't think that its a silver bullet that could magically 'fix their depression', but I think that it *could* help. I think that I'd actually have to be in that position to truely find out. You have to be in a good mental state to make a happy relationship. I'd feel like I would just drag the relationship down with me and rather not put anyone in that position.