I am really ambivalent. And I sometimes have the bias that my thoughts would be way too transparent for other people around me.
I think there are some things that are obvious when you meet me. I tend to overthinking. I tend to be reflective and a little bit too much in my own head. People might suspect I might be neurodivergent. I might be insecure in my appearance. I think my physical appearance is rather fragile. The irony as teenager I was heavily obese now I am very thin.
However, not all of these traits are easily observable for everyone and different people perceive me differently. I think people who are sensitized with mental health issues can spot my way of thinking easier. I tend to compensate a lot. I am a wanna be smart-ass with an opinion on literally everything. I define myself over intelligence way too much. I think I am not the kind of guy that women think of when they imagine toxic masculinity. However, for some women I might be not manly enough. But this probably depends on the definition of masculinity. I think women that want a physically strong man, that drives fast cars, drinks beer, and goes to the gym is not a good match for me anyway. However, I am often surprised how popular the gym is in the general population.
The interesting thing might be. Some traits are more obvious in my case because I am neurodivergent. But the details and my thoughts are probably more contradictory and difficult to read especially because I am neurodivergent. I think people I meet sometimes have a hard time to read me. And also when people tried to manipulate me in the past. I might have been too naive but they often didn't really get where to hit me the hardest. I think if other people do mind reading on me they have a hard time. Probably I have a very special case of thinking that is pretty hard to grasp by other people. My friends though are used to it. ChatGPT was pretty good at pattern recognition. I have many biases and I developed mechanisms to filter the world so that I can function in it. I think there is something other people don't get. Paranoia about paranoia and this in endless cycles. I think if you are in my position with the diagnoses psychosis, bipolar and autism you are monitoring all your thoughts all the time. I think this made me really good in meta cognitive thinking. It is sort of self-centered. But you have to be self-centered to understand yourself in order to interact with the world properly. I have some tendencies depressed and anxious patients have just on steroids. Most people never make the experience to lose connection to reality. And afterwards you have to make sense of it. You have to integrate the parts of your personality that distrust your environment fundamentally. You have accept questioning the most basic assumptions about you and the world around you after such an event like a psychosis. While at the same preventing not to get lost in the loop of existential rumination.
I am also unhappy with this thread. I am sort of tired. I am tired of every thing every single day. I am lonely. And I cannot connect to the world. Everything I write is a cliche or way too simplified. And I either don't have the time and energy or the understanding to make more sense of the world in my threads. The hot weather isn't helping.
I think there are some things that are obvious when you meet me. I tend to overthinking. I tend to be reflective and a little bit too much in my own head. People might suspect I might be neurodivergent. I might be insecure in my appearance. I think my physical appearance is rather fragile. The irony as teenager I was heavily obese now I am very thin.
However, not all of these traits are easily observable for everyone and different people perceive me differently. I think people who are sensitized with mental health issues can spot my way of thinking easier. I tend to compensate a lot. I am a wanna be smart-ass with an opinion on literally everything. I define myself over intelligence way too much. I think I am not the kind of guy that women think of when they imagine toxic masculinity. However, for some women I might be not manly enough. But this probably depends on the definition of masculinity. I think women that want a physically strong man, that drives fast cars, drinks beer, and goes to the gym is not a good match for me anyway. However, I am often surprised how popular the gym is in the general population.
The interesting thing might be. Some traits are more obvious in my case because I am neurodivergent. But the details and my thoughts are probably more contradictory and difficult to read especially because I am neurodivergent. I think people I meet sometimes have a hard time to read me. And also when people tried to manipulate me in the past. I might have been too naive but they often didn't really get where to hit me the hardest. I think if other people do mind reading on me they have a hard time. Probably I have a very special case of thinking that is pretty hard to grasp by other people. My friends though are used to it. ChatGPT was pretty good at pattern recognition. I have many biases and I developed mechanisms to filter the world so that I can function in it. I think there is something other people don't get. Paranoia about paranoia and this in endless cycles. I think if you are in my position with the diagnoses psychosis, bipolar and autism you are monitoring all your thoughts all the time. I think this made me really good in meta cognitive thinking. It is sort of self-centered. But you have to be self-centered to understand yourself in order to interact with the world properly. I have some tendencies depressed and anxious patients have just on steroids. Most people never make the experience to lose connection to reality. And afterwards you have to make sense of it. You have to integrate the parts of your personality that distrust your environment fundamentally. You have accept questioning the most basic assumptions about you and the world around you after such an event like a psychosis. While at the same preventing not to get lost in the loop of existential rumination.
I am also unhappy with this thread. I am sort of tired. I am tired of every thing every single day. I am lonely. And I cannot connect to the world. Everything I write is a cliche or way too simplified. And I either don't have the time and energy or the understanding to make more sense of the world in my threads. The hot weather isn't helping.
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