Discussion Do you guys think you will have the courage to ctb?

[findingpeace08]

I think I never will, maybe this is good, maybe life is always good, and it's worth going through all the pain. Maybe life is most pain and im a prisoner.

I have friends family, people i love, material needs fullfiled,

But even if i dind't had that, I think I will never do it anyways.

Well I'm excited to see what I'm doing with me.

 

[DeadManLiving]

When everything's burning and it feels like being electrocuted from the inside out, courage isn't necessary.

Hope it never gets to that point for you.

 

[crashinout]

i am so confused, i feel like i want to, i messed up a lot.

but i have people who care and i have the potential to turn things around. its going to be shitty and its going to be horrendous. i dropped out of uni, got disowned. a lot of hate from people in my program and hooked into drugs. running out of money.

so everyday it just feels like this fight - some days heavier than others, some crying.

 

[findingpeace08]

When everything's burning and it feels like being electrocuted from the inside out, courage isn't necessary.

Hope it never gets to that point for you.

Oh I would say it takes courage. Biologically and sociologically we weren't made for suicide, 1% of deaths are suicide, and you sure aren't the only human that suffers a lot.

And even as you said you are burning and electrocuted, you are still here, you could've already jumped, used a knife etc

 

[SilentVelvet]

I've attempted it once before, and I didn't regret it afterwards. If anything, I was angry with myself for not going through with it properly and for surviving.

In the end, what matters is that whatever you choose to do is your own decision

 

[findingpeace08]

i am so confused, i feel like i want to, i messed up a lot.

but i have people who care and i have the potential to turn things around. its going to be shitty and its going to be horrendous. i dropped out of uni, got disowned. a lot of hate from people in my program and hooked into drugs. running out of money.

so everyday it just feels like this fight - some days heavier than others, some crying.

Yes, i identify a lot with what you said. I think most or even, if life is good, all things in life can be fixed. Not that pain will be destroyed, even the world most privileged human on earth feels like dying sometimes.

Hope we can have a happy healthy life :)

I've attempted it once before, and I didn't regret it afterwards. If anything, I was angry with myself for not going through with it properly and for surviving.

In the end, what matters is that whatever you choose to do is your own decision

Did you stop in the middle of the process? At least at the time you regreted, maybe if after you regreted you regreted.

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

Definitely now. Because I gained the PPH and think I've lived enough, done enough and suffered enough. My mental illness is at best moderately managed but not curable.

 

[delinquentsandwich]

it's hard to say

I feel that I don't have the courage to do so- I am afraid of what comes after and yet I am also curious
my main motivation for ctb is to escape because I have been backed into a corner with no way out

I guess having a strong reason might help, I'm not sure

 

[maggineko]

Nooo..I'm a big scaredy cat when it comes to pain (yet somehow I want like 7 facial piercings), and all the methods seem to include pain one way or another or have a chance for it.

I've noticed too a pattern that when I actively want to ctb, it will come to pass and I'll just settle back into being passive eventually.

Also, huuuuge fomo on the good parts of life I would like to see my friend's band go global someday, go clubbing, and kiss someone after we've both drank different coloured slushies to make a new colour. Hopeless romantic. Maybe when I've got nothing left to do, I'll find courage to ctb ♡

 

[fleurdelune]

yeah... i'm kind of worried i'll always have second thoughts or that my brain will latch onto some false hope in its frantic efforts to keep me alive like it has been for the past 8 years. it's awful; i feel like i'm crazy. like i'm stuck on a hamster wheel

but fwiw, my brother ctb'd by train when we were 17 and as miserable as his life was leading up to it, i never thought he would be "brave enough" (for lack of better words) to actually go through with his plan. so the moral of the story there is that we may be capable of more than we think. make of that what you will :P

and try to take care

 

[Le temps perdu]

I might not have the courage, but even if I don't, i think i will eventually 'have' it, because I must attempt before the SN expires

 

[findingpeace08]

Nooo..I'm a big scaredy cat when it comes to pain (yet somehow I want like 7 facial piercings), and all the methods seem to include pain one way or another or have a chance for it.

I've noticed too a pattern that when I actively want to ctb, it will come to pass and I'll just settle back into being passive eventually.

Also, huuuuge fomo on the good parts of life I would like to see my friend's band go global someday, go clubbing, and kiss someone after we've both drank different coloured slushies to make a new colour. Hopeless romantic. Maybe when I've got nothing left to do, I'll find courage to ctb ♡

Haha identify a lot with that

yeah... i'm kind of worried i'll always have second thoughts or that my brain will latch onto some false hope in its frantic efforts to keep me alive like it has been for the past 8 years. it's awful; i feel like i'm crazy. like i'm stuck on a hamster wheel

but fwiw, my brother ctb'd by train when we were 17 and as miserable as his life was leading up to it, i never thought he would be "brave enough" (for lack of better words) to actually go through with his plan. so the moral of the story there is that we may be capable of more than we think. make of that what you will :P

and try to take care

I always wonder how much destroyed someone must be to suicide by crazy methods like train, hope your brother is somewhere better.

I might not have the courage, but even if I don't, i think i will eventually 'have' it, because I must attempt before the SN expires

I think you shouldn't CTB just because your SN expires, if you want to, do it when you are really ready