Discussion Do you feel like this when you're near to ctb ?

[Nirrend]

Hello everyone,

As I said in the title, things are really peculiar since I plan to do it.

Let's just say that, since I spend time with someone, I feel like it's not me and therefore I don't want to.

It's like since I woke up today, I feel like I have no memory of my life and so I don't understand what I'm doing here, I'm not really doing badly and so things don't seem to be as clear to ctb.

Just last night I felt paralysed by the weight of thinking about the future. I felt hopeless.

I suppose this state is still likely to change but it is very particular.

Even when we can't avoid reality, the brain is trying everything to tricks us..

Does it do it for you too?

Loving you ❤

 

[Hope:-)]

I noticed that I was saying 'life is ok' today but it didn't last long. I think I was saying it out of fear. Ultimately I feel I am out of options xx

 

[wljourney]

Yes, I experience those moments too.
Meaningful relationships can give us hope. Sometimes for a few days, sometimes for weeks or months. Making CTB less urgent.

In my experience it's also better in the morning, if I was able to get some uninterrupted sleep.
The wish to CTB gets worse throughout the day.
I think it's simply exhaustion. Existing through the day that makes you feel like I can't take one more hour, one more day.

I hope your current hope and energy continues for as long as possible.
Wishing you well.

 

[Nirrend]

I noticed that I was saying 'life is ok' today but it didn't last long. I think I was saying it out of fear. Ultimately I feel I am out of options xx

I understand, I feel the same "Oh, life can be anwesome" but the past few months I was thinking each day "Pls kill me"

Funny how mood is tricking us. Today, like you, I feel like this, I also feel like I have no past ans future, like I have amnesia, Like I'm only living in the present.

Really weird feelings but I think that hell will return soon.

Love ❤

Yes, I experience those moments too.
Meaningful relationships can give us hope. Sometimes for a few days, sometimes for weeks or months. Making CTB less urgent.

In my experience it's also better in the morning, if I was able to get some uninterrupted sleep.
The wish to CTB gets worse throughout the day.
I think it's simply exhaustion. Existing through the day that makes you feel like I can't take one more hour, one more day.

I hope your current hope and energy continues for as long as possible.
Wishing you well.

Yes, you're totally right !

Wishing you the best ❤

 

[Mofreeko]

I read a research paper that said that once your thinking has changed from existential 'all life is meaningless' type thinking to more practical 'what time of day should I do it' or 'what's going to happen to my pets' type thinking you're way more likely to ctb.