Do you feel like ctb is your destiny?

[LilGhost]

It's like…. You'd be in a shitty situation with little to no way out. And every time you happened to be in a shitty situation, there is less ways out. Or they are less likely work. Like if ctb is your destiny life keep pushing you to do it. Every single time I caught myself on a thought "I don't currently won't to die" something horrible had happened. Every time I got out of shitty situation, I got another one, sometimes worser. With even less ways out. And whenever I'm just alive I feel shitty and still wishing to die. Like if this miserable feeling will only disappear if I die. Like that's the only way for me to be… at least not sad. I fucking hate it. Can I catch a break? Can I get better? Please. I feel so fed up. I just so wish peace. I can't even hang properly. Please please please, I want to be able to breathe without feeling like I'm about to drown. Just crash a car into me. If I am so miserable to fail every time. I just want comfort I feel like a corpse pretending to be a human. I rot.

 

[pleaseletmeleave]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way. It's exactly how I feel and wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. I think it is my destiny but I'm so unlucky that I'm afraid any method I choose won't work. Wanted to not exist since I was born but yet here I am healthy and not dying when other people who deserve to live and actually want to live are dying young from illness or accidents. I'm embarrassingly envious of happy people that die early when I'm here begging to take their place but stuck in this world. Not even living just merely existing and rotting away..

I hope life treats you better and you finally get to breathe. Wishing nothing but peace for you

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish it could be, if I could cease existing painlessly I'd be long gone from this terrible, torturous existence of dreadful suffering, there's just so much terrible extreme cruelty in how dying peacefully is made inaccessible with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what.

For me non-existence is just all that's positive and to be at true permanent peace is just all I'm meant for, this existence is a mistake that never should had been imposed, all that existence ever does is just torture existing beings and I'll always find it so deeply undesirable to exist in every way, all I want is to erase this terrible, torturous existence so it's like I never suffered at all.

 

[LuxFox]

I think so, tbh, I don't think I'll make it to my birthday next month, I don't want to. I want to be a kid, I hate this, i hate this world, its all fucked.

 

[TAW122]

I somewhat can relate to this, and maybe when I was really young, the idea or even the concept of CTB never occurred to me (partly most likely because of an underdeveloped brain and not old enough to have deep reasoning or critical thinking, let alone reflection and deeper thoughts). However, as I've grown older, the more shitty situations in life that happen and when one is resolved or at least dealt with to not be as bad, new ones come up and it's just another ongoing and continuous struggle until the day I die. Therefore, I believe as I gotten older I realized that CTB is on the table and that it is likely to be a reality for me. It would just be a matter of time and circumstance, and recently it will be sooner than later (no date specified).

 

[dragonofenvy]

The first time I tried killing myself was when I was 8, and I've had clinical levels of depression since I was 5 (20 years). I've been in the mental health system for my whole life. For me there is no more hoping things will get better when I'm older. I have been given too much evidence that I'm always going to be miserable, because I have always been miserable. People don't view the world realistically. Some people are put here on this earth to suffer. I was one of them. There is no getting better.

The only problem is that I keep thinking about how I want to die and making up all of these justifications for it, but don't actually go out and do it. Maybe my brain likes the reward it gives me when I make justifications. Maybe I view it as a sort of security blanket. Maybe all of those moral justifications, all of these talks about how I'm destined to be miserable and die alone, is actually what's preventing me from committing the act.

 

[tiramisu]

i believe it was predestined from the moment i was born that i would die young.

 

[twilightvader]

Yes because I hate living.