do you ever wonder what would happen after you killed yourself

[mittymittens]

i don't know if i will live a full life. i have bpd or bipolar disorder i have no idea but either way i experience life and emotions way differently it seems than my peers.

if i ended it, i know my mom and my sister would not take it well. it would feel weird if i ctbed when we are all recovering from my fathers death from a little over a year ago. i dont want to put another burden.

but in real life, i am a shy person. so thinking of the attention it would bring that i committed suicide partially doesn't satisfy me, and makes me feel too vulnerable and seen. if i were to kill myself in a perfect reality id think realistically id only want the people who knew me to know. but even the ones who do know me, i dont even like the idea of gossip surrounding, as that happened with my father.

i just want to disappear and for everyone to about forget me

 

[StoicPizza]

I wonder. Maybe the game ends and the world ends when I end. Maybe

 

[whybother2002]

I'm absolutely certain that I would ruin my parents' lives and bring them to an early death.

 

[OOUUneverover]

I think it would depend on the family member. My parents wouldn't like it, but I think my sister would be okay. Ultimately it is my body and my choice and I'll be too dead to know what happened anyway.

I've honestly been thinking about how to piss them off so that they let me go more easily. But I'm not sure how to do that. If anyone has any ideas I'd love to hear them.

 

[DeadManLiving]

Back in the Roman and Greek rule/times there was a fascination on the topic of suicide. Contrary to current Western perception, it was seen as an extraordinarily brave act. Sometimes is a means of atoning for one's despondency and an honorable way to go.

In this current Western age it's more neutral and bizarre.

When you're an old enough adult you stop giving two shits about what they say or think or the prevailing narrative.

In the end everyone will face the same fate. The suicidal only has the advantage of time and choice, while all others are compelled to expose themselves to a broad variety of harms which are only increasingly likely to arise in the future and then ultimately old age, the greatest evil, depriving life of all of its pleasures and leaving one only with the appetite of them and bringing with it all of its sufferings and loneliness with lesser and lesser autonomy.

 

[ginko0]

I take comfort in knowing I'll be too dead to care.

 

[tiltedcompass]

My mom already told me that she would follow me if I died, so probably that.
My partner would be devastated, and will make his depression much worse. He would feel lonely, but hopefully his family will support him.
It's sad to think about it, but it is what it is. Someone has to suffer either way.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd be at peace from this dreadful, cruel existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake which is just all I wish and hope for, all I want is to be unconscious for all eternity with all gone and forgotten, for me non-existence is just all that's positive and desirable.

I just always suffer so much from how I cannot just have the option to never suffer again as for me only eternal sleep can bring me peace, I'd never wish for the abomination of existence and I find it the most terrible tragedy how this existence was imposed causing all this harm and suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured, all I want is to be gone, I wish for true peace.

 

[littlecutecorpse]

parents would probably be heartbroken, but i know my sister would absolutely be devastated.

boyfriend will likely miss me a lot and try to learn how to continue life on his own. my only friend might just miss my presence.

everyone else, including peers and other ""friends"" might be shocked at first, but likely will put blame onto me, pretend to be sad n' mournful, and forget me the next week. those people can rot in hell for all i care

 

[iwanttodie019]

I'm absolutely certain that I would ruin my parents' lives and bring them to an early death.

how old are you?

 

[just_a_guy]

No, I've cared too much in this life, so when I die everyone can just fucking deal with it.

 

[Alpacachino]

I've seen a lot of people lose very close loved ones. Do you know what I've noticed always with them? Initially, they grieve, they beat their chest, they scream,they cry tears. But a Couple of months later I always noticed them laughing and back to normal.

There are very few cases where someone is, you know, completely destroyed for a very long time.

 

[n0rth3rnSh0gun]

Thankfully both my parents are now gone. I have a sister but she has a kid and her own life. Same goes with my friends. Having lost a bunch of people around me, I've realized how quickly most people move on.

 

[hao☆]

i don't know if i will live a full life. i have bpd or bipolar disorder i have no idea but either way i experience life and emotions way differently it seems than my peers.

if i ended it, i know my mom and my sister would not take it well. it would feel weird if i ctbed when we are all recovering from my fathers death from a little over a year ago. i dont want to put another burden.

but in real life, i am a shy person. so thinking of the attention it would bring that i committed suicide partially doesn't satisfy me, and makes me feel too vulnerable and seen. if i were to kill myself in a perfect reality id think realistically id only want the people who knew me to know. but even the ones who do know me, i dont even like the idea of gossip surrounding, as that happened with my father.

i just want to disappear and for everyone to about forget me

my family once told me they could never bear the burden of me dying after i attempted it in my teens, so i'm guessing my family will most likely go insane or flat out ignore me ((they hate mee!!! )) but w the way life is going, they wouldn't even care, probably feel grateful for it even :<

 

[whybother2002]

how old are you?

23

 

[Chemi]

Yes, very much wonder about that. How will people react, will they be able to cope, what will they say about me, will they change their behavior to not push people into the same situation, will the younger family memebers have a good life, etc....

Wish i could have a little summary what happened the next 100 years after i CTB.

Or become some celestial being, spectating the world, being able to travel through time. That would be cool as well for a while.

I always jump between that and just completely lights off with no further existence. Don't know what i would prefer

 

[FinalesFunkeln]

Sometimes I wonder about what happens after I die. I know I'm loved and I'll be missed, but I also know everyone will be okay. I have told the people closest to me that if I die tomorrow in a freak accident they shouldn't feel bad - I have faced death many times and I don't fear it. I am ready to go whenever the reaper claims me. I don't often speak on being suicidal because there is nothing anyone can do for me, so I try to ingrain in them that simply death - which is inevitable for everyone - is something I do not fear, and nobody should feel bad when my time comes.

As for afterlife, I don't really care. It's interesting to think about, but I'm okay with just about anything that could happen. I am not religious, but I've prayed for religious friends to their gods and any god who may exist to help them, and eventually started praying for myself. While I don't exactly believe in a heaven or hell, I will sometimes throw a prayer to the universe that if there is a god somewhere that they have mercy on my soul once I pass. I did my best to lead a good life and be kind to others. I had many, many failings, but I'd hope that my genuine efforts to live an honest life would be enough to counteract that I can't pledge allegiance in something I don't truly believe. If death truly is the end, I'm okay with that too. I cease to exist, but at least my pain will too.

 

[tamamori]

yeah, it's part of the reason i'm hesitant. i know i would destroy my parents' lives. my dad would probably follow after me, though i feel like he partly deserves it. what i feel really terrible about is my mom. my brother would probably get over it, he's younger and we aren't that close.

the other thing i worry about is that my partner might follow as well, especially as they know about my bpd and are very likely to feel terribly guilty considering most of my life (and my mood) revolves around them. they've got their fair share of mental illness going on as i do, and it terrifies me that i would be ruining their life partly because of how they make me feel because of my disorder. it's not their fault, but it definitely would feel that way for them, and i have no way of changing that.

even then, as someone said, someone has to suffer i guess. i don't know if i have it in me to keep myself alive and suffering for other people. it's probably a common feeling, but i often wish i just hadn't been born at all so no one could mourn me in the first place. i don't want to cause others pain if i can help it, but it's been hard to do without causing myself pain in turn.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I'm absolutely certain that I would ruin my parents' lives and bring them to an early death.

My parents are 77 and 75 years old and that will happen to them too, but i just cannot continue living like this. Im sorry mom and dad. Im so sorry.

 

[FinalesFunkeln]

parents would probably be heartbroken, but i know my sister would absolutely be devastated.

boyfriend will likely miss me a lot and try to learn how to continue life on his own. my only friend might just miss my presence.

everyone else, including peers and other ""friends"" might be shocked at first, but likely will put blame onto me, pretend to be sad n' mournful, and forget me the next week. those people can rot in hell for all i care

I always say I'll be pissed if there are more than like… five (?) people at my funeral. Where were they when I was alive? If I was not worth your consideration in my life, I do not want your pity in my death.

 

[somethingisntreal]

I spend hours thinking about scenarios of people in my life dying and it's aftermath. Not about afterlife of some sort but rather how others would react to their deaths. That includes my own ctb.

I think my parents would not take that well. They'd be devastated... Which is probably the major reason holding me back. Where I'm from, suicide is a HUGE taboo and they'll probably try to hide the fact my death was a ctb. Dad's gonna be kind of pissed and call me weak for doing it. They'll feel guilty for not being able to 'save' me. There would be something along the lines of "Oh, if only she had turned to god sooner...."

I was not able to form that much of a connection with my younger sibling (15) but I think he'd mourn my death as well and hate me for doing it.

My extended family would probably get over it within months. If we're being generous, my 'friends' and peers might show some semblance of grief but most likely they'd be like "so she finally did it? Good riddance!" I am practicing invisible and insignificant in people's lives so there's the possibility that theywon't even notice my absence for weeks or months.

 

[iveseenfootage]

I have a morbid fantasy of sorts of seeing the reactions to my death, the idea of people expressing sympathy or love for me and feeling bad is like kind of heartwarming in a weird way. I know its obviously not possible and selfish to want other people to feel bad for you, but I think since I go through life with basically nobody noticing or caring about me I subconciously feel like its the only way people would. Realistically everyone would move on after a week tho lmao

 

[natori]

I have no one to worry about really, only people who would be sad for a bit would be my older sister and my nephew. But they'll get over it eventually.

 

[kuroshimi]

Probably will be too dead to care. My parents of course will not accept this well. They will be really upset. Same thing with my friends, but not that much. I mainly communicate online, and I think, that online friends may cope with it. But I still think that would be guilty.

But main thing that life around will go on. Mine not. And it's fascinates me(?)

 

[ih34rty0u]

im an only child and im afraid that it would affect my parents really badly, especially my mother since she's depressed herself. i don't really have friends anymore so no one else would care, just the closest family. but i don't wanna keep living for the sake of others.

 

[Vxlvio]

I know the people who do care for me would be devastated. They're probably the only reason I'm trying to go in a "peaceful" way, whatever that ends up looking like. I'd at least like them to have closure. Other than that, I don't really want to know what happens after. I just want everything to stop

 

[SpencerSees]

It would damage lives, but I imagine there would be no pain in my chest anymore, so I honestly don't really care

 

[idiotmother]

It'll be an emotionally charged shitshow. I love my family and they love me, but I can't keep suffering like this for much longer. It's so bad…and it'll be horrible for them. I feel like such a terrible person and I'll be remembered as one by some. Rightfully so, in some ways, but they can never understand how torturous my existence is everyday. I have brain damage from medication and I'm stuck on said medication. Been riding this merry go round for a year now and it's only getting worse. I'll be remembered as a selfish mother for hurting my child like this but it hurts so much to stay alive. I truly feel awful!! . I never should have had a kid. if I knew this was going to happen to me ,I never would have. i used to be such a great mom; these poisons have robbed me of everything. I just want to rest in peace, I'm never at peace now, just pumped full of anxiety.

 

[Arvayn]

Nope. I'd be too dead to care in any positive or negative manner, so what's the point to thinking about it? I suppose, if I had to come up with an answer off of the top of my head, my mother would become traumatized for life, my father would fall into self-loathing and one of my friends would be pushed to commit suicide himself, while my other friend would simply shrug, accept that it happened and move on without any guilt or profuse sadness. Again, the way I see it, these things would only matter if I was around to put up with them after my death.

 

[fallingbehind]

Nobody will give two shits tbh