Do you ever miss a user who has passed away?

[Lov3]

Did you talk a lot, were you close? I'm asking this because, even though we're online and everything is reduced to letters and images, there's always a real person on the other side of the screen — someone we get to know through the internet or even in real life. I've known someone like that before — a little ache in the heart.
How are you all dealing with this? Feel free to share, I always read. Life is a paradox sometimes, but I truly hope that those who have passed away are completely at peace… I really do.

 

[CatLvr]

There is no one who has gone on that I was that close to. However, there are a few members here now that it would devastate me if they left this world.

They know who they are. I don't have many people IRL who care about me -- maybe two?? Three at the absolute most. So the people here are even more special to me. They make me want to be a better person -- because they are ALL infinitely better people than I am.

 

[darksouls]

in real life I have no one who cares about me,
my followers who were closest to me have said goodbye to me,
but I never found out if they were successful,
I often think about them,
I hope they are in a better place now

 

[Harrier]

They make me want to be a better person -- because they are ALL infinitely better people than I am.

We all feel that way, otherwise we wouldn't be part of this community.

Don't beat yourself up too much - for some, you may the model person they need to just hang on.

 

[CatLvr]

We all feel that way, otherwise we wouldn't be part of this community.

Don't beat yourself up too much - for some, you may the model person they need to just hang on.

Well, I unfortunately stand corrected. We lost a member recently that I had interacted with fairly often and she always struck me as a kind, gentle soul. She was also very young. It guts me when someone with so much promise can't see that they are worthy of one more day. She is definitely someone the world is a lesser place without.

 

[Lov3]

in real life I have no one who cares about me,
my followers who were closest to me have said goodbye to me,
but I never found out if they were successful,
I often think about them,
I hope they are in a better place now

Don't feel that way.
Who is more real — the neighbor who lives at the end of the hallway and whose name I don't even know, or the people here with whom we've shared things we'd probably never say to each other in real life? To me, many of you are just as real as the keyboard I'm typing on… I think I sounded a bit confusing, sorry.
But I find myself thinking, in my day-to-day life, about some of the people I've met here.

 

[purebliss]

I love every single one here.

We all have suffered through our life and all come together here for the same purpose, for the same goal.

A very intimate one at that.

Things you can't even tell your friends, you can be absolutely open with here.

But still I told myself that having deeper connections here makes no sense.

I do have a deep connection with my CTB Partner that I found here, but ultimately we will exit together so there will be no lasting sadness :>

 

[thelostautistic]

I try not to get attached to people on here because I don't think that's wise. But there is a member that passed recently who I miss. I didn't know them but I always liked seeing their posts on the forum. Hopefully they're at peace now

 

[charlavail]

every time someone on here is confirmed to have ctb or there is a goodbye thread and by last online one can assume they've ctb i always feel sad. life is just suffering, and they are most likely more at peace but still i get sad.

 

[outrider567]

Vizzy on the Inert Gas Mega Thread

 

[stopMotionSickness]

I try not to get attached to people on here because I don't think that's wise. But there is a member that passed recently who I miss. I didn't know them but I always liked seeing their posts on the forum. Hopefully they're at peace now

It's a funny thing. I've had ctb on my mind for so long, and I've been surrounded by people who would hear none of it for so long, it's been genuinely one of the most humanizing experiences to see people actually talk about any of this. For the first time in my life, I'm finding myself actually admiring and enjoying people's thoughts and presence in these threads, even though, as you rightly point out, this is arguably the least advisable demographic to get attached to. But idk, there's something so admirable to me about people who really genuinely get it and face these options.

 

[Matchaaa]

Sometimes I really miss some community members who have passed away. Every now and then, I visit their profiles to read their old posts. even though I never talked much privately with them,I really enjoyed reading their posts and all the different replies. May they rest in peace.

 

[Harrier]

Since I believe this person is recently gone, yes.

I miss Fightclub17.

 

[scary]

I don't think it'd be right to call us "close" considering I've only interacted with him briefly in chat but I do miss binkleshpoo. He passed from SN and I still feel awful that I wasn't able to be on here for his last days in the chatroom or even his goodbye thread.

 

[SASU-KE]

I do. A beloved friend from this site passed away recently.I miss them terribly.

 

[dreaming]

I was thinking about this earlier, it hasn't happened yet, but the longer I stay I'm sure I will, likely even not long from now.

 

[InTheAbyss]

There are several from here that I miss and think about often. Those that I got to talk to a lot and got to know. Either that they said they were leaving for their bus or just disappeared and I can only guess if they passed or not. Hope they are not suffering now. But it still hurts when I think about talking to them and get reminded that they are gone.

 

[lilaboc101]

Yes, even something simple as thinking about all the smiles and laughter any human being can create throughout their lifetime and all that being lost forever makes me sad. I can only hope that those who are gone have found peace though.

 

[itsgone2]

I won't say who because I can't confirm they're gone, but it's been months. We used to talk about how we messed up our lives and our fear of hanging. That's what their last message to me was about. It makes me sad to think about.

 

[endeledestein]

In a different forum I used to talk with someone and she eventually stopped messaging. She kept showing online sometimes but she never made another post. This situation went on for like 6 months until she stopped being online. She was very avoidant, and was in an impossible situation living with her mom, and when she suffered she avoided everyone, including me.

She was in huge risk of suicide, so Im not really sure if she eventually killed herself or not... I mean, maybe she just found someone else, who knows... Maybe she didnt die and just rejected me.

 

[EscThisPlace321]

I know I'm "new" but I've lurked for a while and whenever I read about Abyssal taking his own life it was so surreal. Like I could just totally picture myself in his own place taking the SN.

 

[Ambaricity]

Yeah. Every day.

I wish she were still here. She deserved a kinder way out than the one she had.

 

[mechanician]

Fightclub17

It's weird to miss a stranger. Her goodbye thread was an incredibly emotional journey for me and, honestly, I regained some of my faith in human beings after all that.

 

[DarkShadows]

I don't miss anyone tbh because I've never gotten to know anyone. I refrain from getting to know people on here.

 

[mechanician]

I don't miss anyone tbh because I've never gotten to know anyone. I refrain from getting to know people on here.

That is a completely understandable and respectable boundary to have. In my case I'd be essentially playing with fire, because I have deep fears of abandonment. I support anyone's decision to die, but they're still basically leaving. Maybe you have similar concerns?