do you ever get so happy you want to ctb

[sanctionedusage]

sometimes when i just remember a really nice time in my life i feel so completed and comforted that i get the urge to ctb

i also get the same urge whenever i feel anything positive. if im hanging out with friends and feel elated and at peace i'll wish i could ctb in that moment. any time i achieve something i want to ctb while i'm feeling proud and accomplished. after eating a good meal, wishing i could ctb.

i installed some wall moulding accents for the upstairs hallway yesterday for my mom, and once i was done and i looked at my work, it looked so nice and professional; i wished i was ready to ctb right then


i think part of it might be how i sorta think after death, i could relive these moments or visit these periods of my life forever. ive always had vivid, utopian, and happy dreams when i sleep and i'm pretty sure i perceive death the same way.

 

[maylurker]

installed some wall moulding accents for the upstairs hallway yesterday for my mom, and once i was done and i looked at my work, it looked so nice and professional

thats cul

 

[fadedghost]

no

mostly when i was happy, i wanted to live

then something awful happened and i didn't, and i struggled to get better, but it's never really worked and i've kept wanting to die

 

[maylurker]

dont kys

 

[KenDuh]

Something similar happens to me. The thought only occurs to me on good days. After all, I don't want to ctb on a bad day. I would like my last day to be something pleasant, which is why I reject the idea of ctb so much when I feel bad or down.

 

[fadedghost]

have you considered doing interior design? maybe if you associate death with like peace, it means you'd find interior design to be super peaceful and zen and you'd be great at interior design...

 

[sanctionedusage]

dont kys

 

[maylurker]

what dummy

 

[sanctionedusage]

have you considered doing interior design? maybe if you associate death with like peace, it means you'd find interior design to be super peaceful and zen and you'd be great at interior design...

im good at it but its almost torturous work lol

im a perfectionist and not a professional, so it takes a lot of forethought and effort. ofc im satisfied with the end result but the only reason i did it was because anyone else would've done a shit job for money they don't deserve, and i'm getting paid a good amount.

i do have other hobbies i like more than interior design or carpentry, but nothing's that interesting in the long run. im suicidal because i'm tired, not sad, and i think dying sooner than later would be a genuine service to myself

what dummy

our history is funny

 

[maylurker]

our history is funny

what history

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

I literally say "I want to jump off a bridge" as an exclamation of excitement regularly. I don't know what it is, maybe I get dysregulated by extreme emotions? I have to actively stop myself from saying it in public when the rare truly happy thing happens.

A bit different than your situation.

 

[sanctionedusage]

what history

we first interacted by starting to catfight on that vent thread about lookism
check ur chats from that date

I literally say "I want to jump off a bridge" as an exclamation of excitement regularly. I don't know what it is, maybe I get dysregulated by extreme emotions? I have to actively stop myself from saying it in public when the rare truly happy thing happens.

A bit different than your situation.

thats amazing lmfao
when i was 7 or 8 i remember talking with my older sister abt cute celebrities, and i asked her 'isnt he so cute it just makes u wanna jump out the window?' so i think i definitely used to get that

 

[maylurker]

we first interacted by starting to catfight on that vent thread about lookism
check ur chats from that date

u thought id forget?
i saw notif that u started private conversation with me but could never join cuz im new user

 

[sanctionedusage]

u thought id forget?
i saw notif that u started private conversation with me but could never join cuz im new user

then youd know what i mean by 'our history'!

 

[maylurker]

then youd know what i mean by 'our history'!

yes but not teasing u playing dumb is no fun

 

[sanctionedusage]

yes but not teasing u playing dumb is no fun

ok enough getting attached on sasu

 

[maylurker]

ok enough getting attached on sasu

ur real its dangerous here but i cant help it