Do you ever feel bad about feeling good?

[SomewhereAlongThe]

So you're set on ctbing and your future is hopeless, bleak and empty. You're browsing the web and then you find something funny or something that makes you feel good. Suddenly you feel bad, like things are supposed to be grey all the time not bright and yellowy. This also makes you confused, maybe you start contemplating what it'd be like to always feel like that. You're suicidal and suddenly never want to feel happy because you feel like you're stepping back from the edge when you do. That's how I feel recently.

 

[eggsausagerice]

i understand what it's like to feel like that. i often go up and down and feel like my lows are meant to be my "final" lows (precursor to suicide or just never being happy again) or me being happy is something that's only meant to short so that i don't experience it long enough to miss it. it always makes me feel messed up inside. it's not like i always want to be unhappy, but i'd rather be unhappy than be anxious about potential happiness. if someone can be sad enough to die, then maybe that means their suffering is "real" and "permanent" and something people need to take seriously.

 

[Jack25]

I don't know. I may laugh at something funny or be engaged by a video/book but I wouldn't say I ever feel good when I do those things.

I think I understand what you mean though. Depression, or whatever complex emotions you're experiencing, differs between everybody. Brief moments of joy don't invalidate the emotions you feel at other times. We aren't set in stone

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Yeah. I do notice not wanting to feel happy in the rare times when that tries to come over me, but.... part of what I don't like is the inevitable plunge back to the usual state of depression.

 

[Knoc]

Honestly, i'm so far gone, nothing but a husk remains, i've lost the capacity to feel any positive emotion.

 

[divinemistress87]

I will feel good maybe a few days a month and it just feels fake cause I know its so temporary and its just random surge of neurotransmitters

 

[yowai]

yeah but it's because i use drugs to make life bearable and often remind myself that im feeling good just because im high and its probably artificial and at any time it might stop working and ill feel like absolute shit again