Do I stay alive

[Nymph]

My only reason that I haven't ctbed yet is because of my bunny. I got him on March last year (2020) and he's very young. I feel so stupid that I got him, but now he's too attached to me and I guess I have to live for him. Life is so painful though, everyday I have to wake up in this disgusting body and go on. All these thoughts and scenarios in my head...i don't know what to do and how to keep myself alive. Every second I want to drink my SN

 

[Soulless Angel]

I have bunnies, only got in the last 6 months, they are my support pets, and a snuggle from them, whilst doesn't cure or solve problems, it helps me calm my nerves.

Why do you want to CTB, you say about a *disgusting* body, but whats up, talk to us.

 

[Deleted member 23885]

Life is indeed full of suffering. I want to ctb badly, too. I just don't have a foolproof method as I don't have access to guns. So, I'm going to have to suffer until I get US citizenship & can legally shoot my head off. I'm just so fed up with life. I'm done.

 

[Sherri]

I love bunnies and Guinea Pigs also. What colour is yours?

 

[Nymph]

Life is indeed full of suffering. I want to ctb badly, too. I just don't have a foolproof method as I don't have access to guns. So, I'm going to have to suffer until I get US citizenship & can legally shoot my head off. I'm just so fed up with life. I'm done.

You only wanna ctb by a gun? There's other good methods too. Just saying. Getting a citizenship seems too difficult

I love bunnies and Guinea Pigs also. What colour is yours?

He's a Siamese bun

 

[Sherri]

It's a bit out of focus, but looks cute.

 

[Nymph]

I have bunnies, only got in the last 6 months, they are my support pets, and a snuggle from them, whilst doesn't cure or solve problems, it helps me calm my nerves.

Why do you want to CTB, you say about a *disgusting* body, but whats up, talk to us.

The main reason is that I'm non binary/trans and I'm not comfortable in the body I was born in. Just existing is hard because of my sick mind and gross body. I wanna change it with surgery but I don't have money and I'm too unmotivated to get a job. Basically I'm trash of society and I'm worthless and wasn't meant to function in this kind of society

whilst doesn't cure or solve problems, it helps me calm my nerves.

That's cute, I'm glad they helped you with calming. Mine is nice and soft so it's nice to pet him

 

[KleinerWolf]

The main reason is that I'm non binary/trans and I'm not comfortable in the body I was born in. Just existing is hard because of my sick mind and gross body. I wanna change it with surgery but I don't have money and I'm too unmotivated to get a job. Basically I'm trash of society and I'm worthless and wasn't meant to function in this kind of society

That's cute, I'm glad they helped you with calming. Mine is nice and soft so it's nice to pet him

I think that major surgeries are quite invasive.

working is easy, just at a job, doing something on repeat with a few twists here and there to spice things up.

working isn't bad, it's finding a job that suits people that's challenging.
Most people work in a job because it helps other people/animal or perhaps it's a reputable/ well paid career that provide for the family/pet/own needs, or it could be as simple as everyday jobs and figuring things out overtime and find something better to do when such opportunities/inapiration arise.

everybody gotta eat,
bills to pay.
For real.

life isn't easy when things don't go according to plan,
but if we decide to live, we will make it work somehow.
Trial and error.

 

[Nymph]

I think that major surgeries are quite invasive.

working is easy, just at a job, doing something on repeat with twists here and there,

working isn't bad, it's finding a job that suits people that's challenging.
Most people work in a job because it helps other people/animal or I it's a reputable/ well paid career that provide for the family/pet/own needs, or it could be as simple as just a job and figuring things out overtime and find something better to do if such opportunities/inapiration arise.

everybody gotta eat,
Bills to pay.
Fr though.

life isn't easy when things don't go according to plan,
but if we live, we will make it work somehow.
Trial and error.

I find working hard though, I'm still a student so that would mean I'd have no free time. I have anxiety and just going to school sucks up all of my energy. It's really exhausting just existing and I find work horrible. I wish we didn't have to work just to survive. I know that it's a must but I just don't want to live in a society where we have to work just to live. I'm a weak person and I don't have motivation to do shit

 

[lost_soul83]

My only reason that I haven't ctbed yet is because of my bunny. I got him on March last year (2020) and he's very young. I feel so stupid that I got him, but now he's too attached to me and I guess I have to live for him. Life is so painful though, everyday I have to wake up in this disgusting body and go on. All these thoughts and scenarios in my head...i don't know what to do and how to keep myself alive. Every second I want to drink my SN

I feel the same about my dog. I've got a wonderful husband and son at home but all I worry about leaving behind is my dog. He's sooooo attached to me and would be lost and miserable without me. Wtf am I supposed to do??

 

[KleinerWolf]

I find working hard though, I'm still a student so that would mean I'd have no free time. I have anxiety and just going to school sucks up all of my energy. It's really exhausting just existing and I find work horrible. I wish we didn't have to work just to survive. I know that it's a must but I just don't want to live in a society where we have to work just to live. I'm a weak person and I don't have motivation to do shit

Working while studying can be stressful and time consuming.
I saw this tiktok girl who is in uni and I ask myself how she has a full time job as waitress and another part time job as a bartender and still attending uni.

it must be pretty tough for her but admirable at the same time.
Since I lack motivation without clear directions.

 

[Soulless Angel]

I find working hard though, I'm still a student so that would mean I'd have no free time. I have anxiety and just going to school sucks up all of my energy. It's really exhausting just existing and I find work horrible. I wish we didn't have to work just to survive. I know that it's a must but I just don't want to live in a society where we have to work just to live. I'm a weak person and I don't have motivation to do shit

I agree with you, what is the point of life, if we only live to work, I thought we were meant to work to be able to live, somehow society has got itself confused. im self employed, but truly hating and struggling with it

When it comes to you being non binary/trans, I cannot speak or even begin to understand your situation or the pain you must be in, I can only speak from experience, many years ago, I had a very close online friend, Male to Female, she hid herself from me at first, but I soon picked up on this when we spoke on the phone, She was struggling so much with her identity, people not accepting her, she was lucky to have found a job as a paramedic and did amazing at it, but I could see through those smiles. She did feel able to talk with me about how she felt etc,
Sadly she passed on not so long ago, so whilst I cannot understand your pain in that way, I have seen it happen to another and know how hard it can be

Do you have any support at all?

 

[Sherri]

I think that major surgeries are quite invasive.

working is easy, just at a job, doing something on repeat with a few twists here and there to spice things up.

working isn't bad, it's finding a job that suits people that's challenging.
Most people work in a job because it helps other people/animal or perhaps it's a reputable/ well paid career that provide for the family/pet/own needs, or it could be as simple as everyday jobs and figuring things out overtime and find something better to do when such opportunities/inapiration arise.

everybody gotta eat,
bills to pay.
For real.

life isn't easy when things don't go according to plan,
but if we decide to live, we will make it work somehow.
Trial and error.

How did the beer adventure go the other day for you @StrokeMyEgoBaby ?

 

[Niirvana]

Happen exactly same to me...I cant find motivation and im always tired, only want to sleep and xtroke my cat 3

 

[Sakura94]

The thing with gender dysphoria is that it progresses so what is tolerable a year ago is less so a year later. It's something I wished I had known before. It may help you to self-med a little to get you through school so you can get a job but keep in touch with your therapist or whatever so they know. That way you feel you have a goal and there is progress towards something.
The rabbit is cute .

 

[Nymph]

The thing with gender dysphoria is that it progresses so what is tolerable a year ago is less so a year later. It's something I wished I had known before. It may help you to self-med a little to get you through school so you can get a job but keep in touch with your therapist or whatever so they know. That way you feel you have a goal and there is progress towards something.
The rabbit is cute .

I already have medication and I also go to a therapist. I've been having dysphoria for a long time but only "recently" i decided to tell my parents and I guess in a way "come out" but nothing is changing. It's the same as if nothing ever happened. I look the same and I'm still disgusting. I need to see a change to go on but nothing..I just can't do it anymore. Idk why I made this post. I guess I just wanted to hear someone tell me that it's better to just ctb in my case.

 

[Amumu]

Life is so painful though, everyday I have to wake up in this disgusting body and go on.

 

[Sakura94]

So you're making steps to save yourself, getting the rabbit may also have been one.
You've hit a roadblock. If you're taking it changes will come eventually but it'll take a while. On top of that it's a really shitty time for the world in general with the eternal lockdown which makes the dysphoria worse because you're stuck with yourself. It's meant to end but it's taking too long.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

I sympathise - one of the only reasons I find it too hard to finally CTB are my cats. I don't get to spend much time with them any more because I don't feel comfortable leaving my room but, there's something about not being able to justify your actions to your pets.

My cats wouldn't know I was suffering or chose to leave - they'd just think I had disappeared one day and left them :(

 

[Frauw]

This is only a choice you can make, gender dysphoria is a hard curse to bear, though if you feel that any gender affirmation surgeries may offer some amount of euphoria perhaps it would be best to just wait and see.

 

[KleinerWolf]

How did the beer adventure go the other day for you @StrokeMyEgoBaby ?

I cannot recall... either I was fetching or drinking it.

It's surprisingly that this particular beer brand (Krombacher) make me feel buzzed faster than wine.
Tastes refreshing too.
Good stuff.

 

[Sherri]

I cannot recall... either I was fetching or drinking it.

It's surprisingly that this particular beer brand (Krombacher) make me feel buzzed faster than wine.
Tastes refreshing too.
Good stuff.

I love Krombacher with lots of ice in it.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I love Krombacher with lots of ice in it.

Krombacher tastes especially amazing when it's cold :D

 

[Sherri]

Krombacher tastes especially amazing when it's cold :D

Raspberry was my fav. But since i Take meds I can't drink alcohol. Been months now, dry.