do any of you not have SI at all?

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i know i'm in the minority and its not "natural" but i am not a natural person to begin with. i cannot stand the idea of continuing in life and when the opportunity comes i know for sure i will do it without a second thought. am i the only one to feel this way? is this just because my brain is wired "wrong"?

 

[motel rooms]

when the opportunity comes i know for sure i will do it without a second thought.

You just think you know it for sure...

 

[Josuyo]

i know i'm in the minority and its not "natural" but i am not a natural person to begin with. i cannot stand the idea of continuing in life and when the opportunity comes i know for sure i will do it without a second thought. am i the only one to feel this way? is this just because my brain is wired "wrong"?

Idk like I've tried so many times but my body moved on its own sometimes to stop myself. Other times I called for help but didn't remember doing so. But I don't think it's impossible to lack SI. Everyone is built different

 

[Deleted member 10090]

what keeps you around if you have no SI and want to ctb? not trying to be rude, i'm just trying to understand.

 

[motel rooms]

But I don't think it's impossible to lack SI. Everyone is built different

If they're alive, they have it, just like every other animal

 

[FuneralCry]

But I thought all humans are programmed to survive. It is the way we have evolved after all. I think ctb would be a lot easier for me if I had no SI.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I think everyone has SI. Some people are just more risk takers. Others are more romantic to be able to rationalize ctb as some form of poetic act so they can do it easier

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

what keeps you around if you have no SI and want to ctb? not trying to be rude, i'm just trying to understand.

a few things.. one, i am a little picky about my methods, two, i am not going to do it in a way that will appease my abusers, three, i can't afford to fail. sometimes timing is very important and i don't want any room for error.

 

[Deleted member 10090]

But I thought all humans are programmed to survive. It is the way we have evolved after all. I think ctb would be a lot easier for me if I had no SI.

almost all species have it. without it, procreation wouldn't be efficient. We are no different.

 

[Josuyo]

If they're alive, they have it, just like every other animal

I would not know the science of it honestly

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

You just think you know it for sure...

no i honestly don't like i said i'm "wired differently" i won't go into detail because of the stigma.

 

[motel rooms]

no i honestly don't like i said i'm "wired differently" i won't go into detail because of the stigma.

I guess you won the genetic lottery then...

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

yeah. at least i have that to be thankful for...

 

[motel rooms]

yeah. at least i have that to be thankful for...

How on earth did you manage to stay alive for more than 18 years (I don't know how old you are, but I assume you're not a minor) if you have no SI at all?

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i'm 34 and up until a few years ago, life was ok. not great. things just got real shitty real fast and now death is the only logical solution. i've had suicidal ideation since i was a teenager but i could also manage a lot better then.

 

[DeathBecomesMe_2021]

When I tried impulsively I didn't have SI. I was determined.

 

[nerve]

I generally consider myself to have little to no SI at this point. I've been suicidal in some way for nearly my whole life so idk maybe I've just had time to get used to it. I don't know much else. I'm still alive because, despite having very little of a survival instinct, I had enough reasons to keep going. They were two totally different things.

The lack of a survival instinct doesn't mean someone is necessarily "ready" to ctb or that their time has come or that they have to go out and jump in front of a bus or else they haven't really lost their SI. There are other things contributing to someone attempting to ctb. Survival instinct is a barrier (just like picking a method or making final arrangements are) that has to be crossed, not really a reason or compulsion to ctb.

If this person was walking across the street and looked up and a bus was coming for them, they wouldn't hurl themselves into it but they might not try to get out of the way either.

 

[suisuiforum]

i know for sure i will do it without a second thought

 

[seaweaves]

A hot take maybe, but I think these forums tend to lean towards overly naturalistic and evolutionary essentialism sometimes when we talk about our needs and instincts, and we sometimes equivocate between different notions of SI (one that's more generalist, and one about our responses to more situational and specific moments of trying to ctb). And we sometimes also talk like SI is all or nothing. (plus occasional miscommunications between cases where we're using SI to mean survival instinct when others use it as suicidal ideation).

Without speaking super specifically to your post, but noticing you needing to defend your experience in reply to other comments, I just want to affirm the reality of the middle spaces:

Even if we are assuming the most bionormative or evolutionary explanatory accounts, it's very possible to outright lack or experience lower SI on those accounts due to functional and structural "abnormalities". It's similarly very possible to have a general SI level that feels low or inhibited without being zero, and/or to have an SI reaction in a given moment that doesn't represent our more general history of SI. I believe your current experiences of SI here.

This doesn't strictly answer your general question about whether people share your own experiences, though I wouldn't think it hard to say yes.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

A hot take maybe, but I think these forums tend to lean towards overly naturalistic and evolutionary essentialism sometimes when we talk about our needs and instincts, and we sometimes equivocate between different notions of SI (one that's more generalist, and one about our responses to more situational and specific moments of trying to ctb). And we sometimes also talk like SI is all or nothing. (plus occasional miscommunications between cases where we're using SI to mean survival instinct when others use it as suicidal ideation).

Without speaking super specifically to your post, but noticing you needing to defend your experience in reply to other comments, I just want to affirm the reality of the middle spaces:

Even if we are assuming the most bionormative or evolutionary explanatory accounts, it's very possible to outright lack or experience lower SI on those accounts due to functional and structural "abnormalities". It's similarly very possible to have a general SI level that feels low or inhibited without being zero, and/or to have an SI reaction in a given moment that doesn't represent our more general history of SI. I believe your current experiences of SI here.

This doesn't strictly answer your general question about whether people share your own experiences, though I wouldn't think it hard to say yes.

thank you for understanding that not everyone has the same mindset.