Venting Dissociating

[SterileMoth]

I feel so disconnected
I feel like I got tossed into a different timeline
Like the last two months couldn't have possibly happened to me
My memory of them is spotty
Nothing feels real
I don't recognize myself in the mirror
Everything is disjointed
Disassembled
Destroyed
But it couldn't be me
Because I should be in a different version of reality
Where I can still smile sometimes
And I still have my fiance
And food doesn't feel like wet cement
And I don't need to smoke weed to feel okay.
Where I can see my friends
And the earth isn't burning
And everything is okay
Sorted
Planned
And defined.
I feel lost
And empty
And broken.
I feel out of place
Something is off but I can't fix it
Something is drilling a hole into my stomach
Something is hoping I choke on my own vomit till I'm blue
Something is so very fucking wrong
With me
With this place
With this world
With everything that's happening.
It's all a fucking illusion
Some kind of distortion
I don't feel right.
I do not belong here.
This is not the right place.
Take me back
To the happy days
I can't take much more

 

[SterileMoth]

I don't want this anymore please. Please. Please. Let me go back or let me go. I give up. I don't want this. I don't want this. I don't want this.

 

[Huntfish34]

I can relate to a lot ( not All) of what you said. Most of my situation is just battling with my mind 24/7,. Feeling worthless, useless, and like I'd be doing the world a Favor if I just Ctb and was gone. The weed to feel okay everyday... I Totally get, and yet I'm still doing more than that to Just feel okay. ( From alcohol, benzos, cigs, and LSD / mushrooms) Wish I had some good advice or suggestions... But I do understand what you're talking about. Thanks for sharing that,. Best of luck, God Bless you. -

 

[muffin222]

I'm so sorry you have to endure this. I suffer from dissociation as well. It's a terrible state to have to live in everyday. Grounding techniques help me stay rooted in the present to a degree. Perhaps looking into some grounding techniques may help you? I can relate to using weed to cope as well. I hope things get better for you somehow