discussing suicide with a psychologist

[chantillycake]

i've been realizing more and more that i should probably be seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist for my mental health issues. i want to die, i have a semi-concise plan, i would consider myself actively suicidal but i want to see, as a last resort, if maybe there could be something i could do to alleviate the pain while i'm still alive. the thing is, if i talk about how much i want to blow my brains out, they'll just lock me up in the ward and i can't afford that and don't really want that. thankfully the hospital is free in my country but i can't afford to not go to work. i also can't afford to pay rent for an apartment i wouldn't be staying in for the time i'd be in there, it would just be throwing money away. i'd have to stop uni and lose my tuition money. i'd probably lose my job too. the only thing keeping me going is living with my boyfriend but even then i feel like our relationship is splintering so i don't have much to look forward to. i either have to suck it up and endure the horrific pain everyday or to finally hang myself and get this over with.

i wish i could find a psychologist who wouldn't put me inpatient immediately for expressing my desires to commit suicide. it makes me want to kill myself without even trying to see if it can get better. what's the point if i'm just going to walk straight into a trap to get me inpatient? all in the name of "harm reduction" or "suicide prevention"; it's literally nonsensical. i feel like i can't talk to any professional about how bad it really is without fear of being locked in a sterile white room for 2 weeks.

i wonder how i can go about finding a mental health professional who won't lose their shit if i talk about suicide, or if there's even any.

anyone have any experience with sharing your suicidality with psychologists that ended well?

 

[matsuzaka]

hello! first of all im so sorry you're going through that, I'm going through a very similar situation myself~

I have a therapist that I recently began seeing just about a week ago, we've only talked once but I established that suicide is my priority in terms of what I want to talk the most about~ ^^ I was pretty blunt with them, I said like "yeah I think the way things are going I'm probably going to kill myself at the end of this year" and told them that I had a history of attempts~ -~- they were pretty helpful in terms of agreeing to help me out with it and told me that as long as I don't have a concrete method avaliable to me they wouldn't send me to the ward~

of course I didn't really tell them that I had my SN in my closet and meto on the way because I'm pretty sure thats grounds for being sent to the psych ward and in my country the psych wards are kind of hell~ u~u

I feel the same way in terms of even if the psych wards were good in my country I can't afford not going to uni and thus not receiving any financial aid, the only thing really keeping me going is my partner whom I live with~ w~w but even then i feel like i am constantly hurting them all the time with my suicidal tendencies and maybe it would be the best for me to just ctb at this point to save them the trouble of having to love me, though I'll try my best to get treatment and get better before I end up doing that~ >~<

anyways, heres a thread I found that was particularly helpful for me, I'd reccomend reading it if you have the time~ ^^

How to Actually Do Therapy: Practical Advice from Ten Years of Navigating Psychiatric Care

Advice from Grippy Socks Veterans On How to Actually Do This Therapy Thing Hey, I'm Emi. I co-host a local self-help group and used to accompany struggling teens as a Peer Support Worker. My peers and I have noticed the interest in therapy spiking since COVID, and how we see the same therapy...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[chantillycake]

hello! first of all im so sorry you're going through that, I'm going through a very similar situation myself~

I have a therapist that I recently began seeing just about a week ago, we've only talked once but I established that suicide is my priority in terms of what I want to talk the most about~ ^^ I was pretty blunt with them, I said like "yeah I think the way things are going I'm probably going to kill myself at the end of this year" and told them that I had a history of attempts~ -~- they were pretty helpful in terms of agreeing to help me out with it and told me that as long as I don't have a concrete method avaliable to me they wouldn't send me to the ward~

of course I didn't really tell them that I had my SN in my closet and meto on the way because I'm pretty sure thats grounds for being sent to the psych ward and in my country the psych wards are kind of hell~ u~u

I feel the same way in terms of even if the psych wards were good in my country I can't afford not going to uni and thus not receiving any financial aid, the only thing really keeping me going is my partner whom I live with~ w~w but even then i feel like i am constantly hurting them all the time with my suicidal tendencies and maybe it would be the best for me to just ctb at this point to save them the trouble of having to love me, though I'll try my best to get treatment and get better before I end up doing that~ >~<

anyways, heres a thread I found that was particularly helpful for me, I'd reccomend reading it if you have the time~ ^^

How to Actually Do Therapy: Practical Advice from Ten Years of Navigating Psychiatric Care

Advice from Grippy Socks Veterans On How to Actually Do This Therapy Thing Hey, I'm Emi. I co-host a local self-help group and used to accompany struggling teens as a Peer Support Worker. My peers and I have noticed the interest in therapy spiking since COVID, and how we see the same therapy...

sanctioned-suicide.net

hey! thanks for taking the time to read and reply ♡

i'm sorry to hear that we're both in the same boat! juggling uni work and mental health issues is always fun 🫩

that's definitely a strategy i can explore, maybe just being honest off the bat could be a good way to ease into the topic instead of dropping the "i want to kill myself" bomb after a few sessions haha

i will def check out the thread you linked! thank you!

 

[kirillbledny]

There's definitely a way to talk about it. Mental health professionals usually have to establish intent, means and concrete date. So saying something like "I think about suicide in xyz scenarios/at certain times" would be okay, saying "I think about hanging myself and I bought the rope/I'm gonna OD next Friday" is risky. If you find a therapist you trust/get to know better, you could maybe even ask them directly in what cases they have to intervene, or explain your situation and how hospitalisation would be very destabilising for your life. I've been hospitalized before (mostly by choice when having ideation), but I've also talked with my psychiatrist very openly even about severe thoughts. As long as you don't cross that threshold, you should be fine.