Venting Comparison regarding my own suicide

[Maripoosa]

Can we talk about how hard it actually is to commit suicide? Not because of a fear of pain or death, but because of the people we leave behind.

For months, I've been researching more and more methods and ways to make things less painful for the people I love. Yet, I can't even bring myself to write letters because I simply find them absolutely ridiculous right after I write them. It's pathetic, it almost feels like a joke, but I'm genuinely starting to compare my suicide plans with other people's.

Others think of everything: they write beautiful letters to their loved ones and make sure they can afford a hotel room to do it in, so the survivors aren't permanently traumatized by the scene of the death. And here I am, planning kill myself in the middle of the night at my parents' house (the only place I can be without arousing any suspicion) without leaving behind even a single letter.

I feel like a failure, a half-assed loser who can't even get planning a suicide right. It's ridiculous; I'm ridiculous.

 

[sohey]

yey I'm from Brazil too!!!!

I hate that only english is allowed here but anyway

written this type of letter is very heavy for the brain, it forces you to take a active action and no more so abstract about suicide, and thinking about your loved ones only makes it harder, I believe everyone who wrote one of these thought the same thing as you.

but tell me, why u wanna CTB?

 

[nosecuandovuelvo]

i understand. i also keep myself from it for the sake of everyone i love. its less that i dont want to let them down, and more that i dont want to subject them to these feelings.

your plan is no better no worse than anyone else's. we all have our own lives and contexts. the people who love you will understand that.

i hope you find your peace, mariposa.

 

[Thanatos.br]

Wow i didnt knew there were so many new brazilians users here, so sad the br megathread was closed, it was like our meeting point. Anyway, i totally got you, the only thing holding me is my family, Mother and nephew specifically, i just wish there was a way to make them understand that given the circunstances, ctb is the best option for me, i even talked to my mom about this once, but there were no understanding, it would destroy her, she knows i am waiting for her death to ctb, but i really dont know if i will be capable to wait any longer.