Did u loose friends from your last attempt too?

[LilGhost]

Finally feel not as shitty to post again. So I failed my last attempt like a month ago and well…. I got no friends now. I've pushed everybody away so they won't feel as sad and guilty after I pass. But I unfortunately survived. Attempt to reconnect failed (so far with everyone. I texted my closest friend soon after fail and they didn't even read the message). Which is like, fair. Dunno. I am just sad af and a bit missing them all. On the bright side? I cut off people that didn't care about me anyway in the first place. Like, literally I left the friend group and explained it as "yall are ghosting me all the time anyway" and after coming out clean I was left unread. It's just sad that I'll have to go through "finding my own person" shit again. Oh and it's also make me feel so worthless. And like…. I've been putting my friends through much bullshit cause… knowing a dead person is weird. And I wasn't as attentive. And I was to honest when seeking help. Idk. Do yall have feeling like no one gonna like you the way you are?

 

[whorror]

I've been there. I disappeared for 8 months. Apart from 2 friends, nobody knew about me anymore. Lost 3 friends after I resurfaced. I thought I'm going to attempt and I'm good for nothing so i'd do everyone a favor by just going away on my own.

Yeah, I know what is like to feel like if someone knew the whole version of you they won't accept it. Been struggling with it myself. I know it's cliche, but it doesn't say anything about your worth. Maybe those were the wrong people. The true ones stay

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

nobody knows about my recent attempts. but in the past, i have lost friends from being depressed and showing it too much. i was also in the mental hospital a few times and then a residental treatment center when i was in high school. i had one friend at the time and she forgot about me while i was in there.

 

[SentimentalTrip]

Sort of. I cut pretty everyone out of my life except my immediately family when I joined this forum in March of 2023. I was seriously convinced that I was going to end my life soon. Here I am 3.5 years later and I haven't so much as attempted it. I read endlessly about different methods but I've been too much of a wimp to go through with it.

I'm not sure what your relationship is like with the people you cut off, but it may be worth thinking about if there's some chance you can rekindle your relationship. Being alone sucks.

 

[fadedghost]

Finally feel not as shitty to post again. So I failed my last attempt like a month ago and well…. I got no friends now. I've pushed everybody away so they won't feel as sad and guilty after I pass. But I unfortunately survived. Attempt to reconnect failed (so far with everyone. I texted my closest friend soon after fail and they didn't even read the message). Which is like, fair. Dunno. I am just sad af and a bit missing them all. On the bright side? I cut off people that didn't care about me anyway in the first place. Like, literally I left the friend group and explained it as "yall are ghosting me all the time anyway" and after coming out clean I was left unread. It's just sad that I'll have to go through "finding my own person" shit again. Oh and it's also make me feel so worthless. And like…. I've been putting my friends through much bullshit cause… knowing a dead person is weird. And I wasn't as attentive. And I was to honest when seeking help. Idk. Do yall have feeling like no one gonna like you the way you are?

i used to feel this way, that i should push people away if i was going to ctb, but it was a mistake

and yeah, i've experienced the same thing in some ways, where i get distant on purpose, thinking i'm insulating other people from my suicide... only to end up not doing it due to survival instinct or the attempt failing

maybe you should give yourself permission to be selfish. everyone else does, right? what i mean by that is don't push people away next time if you feel you are closer to attempting. if they have to grieve, so be it.

 

[Lost_Dawns]

i did not have any friends to start with.

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[HFK40000]

I lost a lot of friends during this most recent spiral. It really hurts when people who have been there for years abandon you when things get really bad. I miss everyone so much.
I lost a lot of friends during this most recent spiral. It really hurts when people who have been there for years abandon you when things get really bad. I miss everyone so much.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Finally feel not as shitty to post again. So I failed my last attempt like a month ago and well…. I got no friends now. I've pushed everybody away so they won't feel as sad and guilty after I pass. But I unfortunately survived. Attempt to reconnect failed (so far with everyone. I texted my closest friend soon after fail and they didn't even read the message). Which is like, fair. Dunno. I am just sad af and a bit missing them all. On the bright side? I cut off people that didn't care about me anyway in the first place. Like, literally I left the friend group and explained it as "yall are ghosting me all the time anyway" and after coming out clean I was left unread. It's just sad that I'll have to go through "finding my own person" shit again. Oh and it's also make me feel so worthless. And like…. I've been putting my friends through much bullshit cause… knowing a dead person is weird. And I wasn't as attentive. And I was to honest when seeking help. Idk. Do yall have feeling like no one gonna like you the way you are?

I too have lost a lot of friends over time . The ones who used to get attracted to my confident personality, they drifted away after noticing that i have a weaker side. Humans are selfish. They start avoiding you when they see that you are suicidal. When you depart from the planet, then they'll be like, i wish he/she contacted me, i could have helped him/her.

I do have some friends who are sticking by my side even now. May God bless those nice humans for having faith in me

 

[KatalinaKrimson]

Yeah. I lost a few "temporarily". They told me to message them when I'm feeling better and to not lean on them again because they just cant handle it.

 

[LilGhost]

Sort of. I cut pretty everyone out of my life except my immediately family when I joined this forum in March of 2023. I was seriously convinced that I was going to end my life soon. Here I am 3.5 years later and I haven't so much as attempted it. I read endlessly about different methods but I've been too much of a wimp to go through with it.

I'm not sure what your relationship is like with the people you cut off, but it may be worth thinking about if there's some chance you can rekindle your relationship. Being alone sucks.

Yeah. I did make an attempt, we all are in same major but it's summer break so I texted. None of them replied. I don't want to text again, call and shit cause
A) that's desperate
B) I genuinely respect their decision and it's clearly not wanting me in their lives
I know being alone sucks. They were first few of my real friends, my chosen family. Not having them in my life just making me more adamant to try continue shooting attempts until one of them succeeds. This year generally sucks. But that's on me for being the first one to cut them off tbf

P.s. you are not a wimp, imho. SI is smth we all have and it very annoying. Besides, not wanting to end up with permanent damage due to a fail is real. My health gets worse with every attempt, I can feel my organs working worser and worser and it's so fucking painful, but also for me loosing my limbs would be really scary. Hope you'll find peace

 

[ctb_warrior]

My suggestion to every one here, we are valuable even if we want to ctb. Don't run after anyone. Don't tell anyone anything in real life. They'll only realise things after we are gone.
While you are alive, live with dignity

 

[LilGhost]

i used to feel this way, that i should push people away if i was going to ctb, but it was a mistake

and yeah, i've experienced the same thing in some ways, where i get distant on purpose, thinking i'm insulating other people from my suicide... only to end up not doing it due to survival instinct or the attempt failing

maybe you should give yourself permission to be selfish. everyone else does, right? what i mean by that is don't push people away next time if you feel you are closer to attempting. if they have to grieve, so be it.

Yeah…. I am actually a piece of shit here . I was literally texting one of my friends (the one I considered family. I cut off ties with everyone except that guy, cause they were promising me to help with my housing situation so I wouldn't have to be where I am rn, cause I had at that time mentality I couldn't survive this shit. They texted me like the week before deadline saying that unfortunately they can't help) a day before last attempt apologizing for everything and tried to send my leftover money as a thank you. They knew I am planning to attempt as I was in a time pickle (which is why I am not attempting here. I am unfortunately in a place rn where it's hard to do). So I texted them the "unfortunately I survived" text which got no reply from them. I do wonder if they didn't even read it, but it genuinely upsetting them cause it would mean they didn't even bother to… idk, call police to clean up my corpse if I was dead or attend some funerals… so. I didn't push away one of them, they did it themselves. It's just sucks to be deeply depressed ig as nobody wants me

 

[Forveleth]

I cut off people, not to protect them from grief as I think that does not really work, but rather because I have no energy to deal with anyone anymore. Only one person reached out and I am honestly fine with that. I genuinely do not want other people in my life so I am glad to be rid of them.