Venting Deciding to CTB has made me feel calm

[Marguerite492]

I feel weirdly calm about finally deciding to CTB, especially knowing about SN. I almost feel a weird motivation to get things done in my life for the purpose of leaving behind as little of a mess as possible for my family. It's also comforting to know there's a way out. I'm not suited for being alive. I'm lazy, irresponsible, childish, mean. I can't hold a job, IRL relationships. I'm a female, but I'm fat and ugly and have never dated, so I'll never have a family or marry a man willing to provide for me.

Depression is a bitch, and I'm looking forward to finally being happy in death.

 

[Nlis2244]

I wish I felt that way. Instead I am constantly worried about somehow not being able to Ctb and having to live more. I want to do it and I'm sure it's for the best, but I still can't manage to not be anxious about the future that I'd have to go trough if I'll remain alive. The only moment when I'll finally calm will be when I'll die. Anyway, I wish to you to find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine that it must be a relief to feel so calm about ctb. I would personally only feel calm if I had a peaceful and reliable way to exit. I understand why you would find having a way out to be comforting. Feeling trapped in this world can be such a devastating and dreadful feeling.

I also feel as though I am not suited for life, there could never be anything here for me in this world and I know that I only belong in non existence. I wish you relief from suffering, in whatever happens.

 

[Marguerite492]

I can imagine that it must be a relief to feel so calm about ctb. I would personally only feel calm if I had a peaceful and reliable way to exit. I understand why you would find having a way out to be comforting. Feeling trapped in this world can be such a devastating and dreadful feeling.

I also feel as though I am not suited for life, there could never be anything here for me in this world and I know that I only belong in non existence. I wish you relief from suffering, in whatever happens.

Exactly. I've just never been able to function, and I've been spiraling downwards for years now. Three years ago i was able to enthusiastically hold down a full time job for 18 months. Now i got fired after 3 days. I'm getting worse, and I don't want to become homeless. I don't want to he useless anymore.

I wish I felt that way. Instead I am constantly worried about somehow not being able to Ctb and having to live more. I want to do it and I'm sure it's for the best, but I still can't manage to not be anxious about the future that I'd have to go trough if I'll remain alive. The only moment when I'll finally calm will be when I'll die. Anyway, I wish to you to find peace.

Thank you. Somehow messing up CTB scares me, i chickened out twice before. And hospital bills are expensive, I want to make sure I do it right next time

 

[Gabriel21]

I feel weirdly calm about finally deciding to CTB, especially knowing about SN. I almost feel a weird motivation to get things done in my life for the purpose of leaving behind as little of a mess as possible for my family. It's also comforting to know there's a way out. I'm not suited for being alive. I'm lazy, irresponsible, childish, mean. I can't hold a job, IRL relationships. I'm a female, but I'm fat and ugly and have never dated, so I'll never have a family or marry a man willing to provide for me.

Depression is a bitch, and I'm looking forward to finally being happy in death.

I feel you . I feel calm and accepting of death. Death has to happen no matter what. I might as well embrace it now

 

[Marguerite492]

I feel you . I feel calm and accepting of death. Death has to happen no matter what. I might as well embrace it now

Exactly. I have known for years now that I'm either going to die in some sort of accident, or by CTB. I know I'll never live to 30, etc. Just feels comforting to know the end is in reach

 

[Gabriel21]

I w

Exactly. I have known for years now that I'm either going to die in some sort of accident, or by CTB. I know I'll never live to 30, etc. Just feels comforting to know the end is in reach

I would not want to live till I'm old . It's embarrassing. You like a baby being taken care of at that point. It's humiliating

 

[Marguerite492]

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I would not want to live till I'm old . It's embarrassing. You like a baby being taken care of at that point. It's humiliating

Agreed. I would be absolutely mortified- and I lived through watching my father die, and the constant taking care of him was exhausting. He didn't have quality of life either. I just. I don't want that to happen to me