I don't even know what to say, generally I used to be good at expressing myself and talking but the past few months, I have been crippled by ill health. I have dealt with suicidal thoughts and ideation since I was a child, and before I was formally aware of what suicide attempts where, I had a regular habit of melting pills I would find around in hot chocolate and drinking them. Clearly none of them worked.
I have been reading the forum posts and one thing I could relate to is being shamed by people, 1 for illnesses, and 2 for expressing the want to not have to deal with said illness. This is something I have been painfully aware of since young and something that still lingers in my life now, maybe it is far stretched but it feels like I am being punished sometimes, for feeling something so bad and for me saying I don't want it anymore. I have gone through various avenues of help, I have put myself out there, I have really tried and the involvement of such services/help haven't always helped (ie being locked in a jail cell for 24 hours with no food or water). I don't even have the words, I don't even know what to say anymore, I cant describe how much pain I am in, and I know so many others are too. I am from the UK.
I wish I could say more in comparison to when I joined a month ago, I just am not sure about anything anymore.
I have been reading the forum posts and one thing I could relate to is being shamed by people, 1 for illnesses, and 2 for expressing the want to not have to deal with said illness. This is something I have been painfully aware of since young and something that still lingers in my life now, maybe it is far stretched but it feels like I am being punished sometimes, for feeling something so bad and for me saying I don't want it anymore. I have gone through various avenues of help, I have put myself out there, I have really tried and the involvement of such services/help haven't always helped (ie being locked in a jail cell for 24 hours with no food or water). I don't even have the words, I don't even know what to say anymore, I cant describe how much pain I am in, and I know so many others are too. I am from the UK.
I wish I could say more in comparison to when I joined a month ago, I just am not sure about anything anymore.
