Venting Daily Suicidal Thoughts

[serah]

I was diagnosed with depression at a very young age and to be honest things have gotten better over the years. I'm not "down" all the time and I now actually feel emotions. Although I feel alright and things are better, I am constantly thinking about suicide. All the damn time. I'm trying to recover and in some ways I have. I'm a person who is living their life as best as they can. However, the daily thoughts about suicide are always there. Even on some of the happiest days of my life I am still thinking of how to ctb.

I don't know what to do. How can I continue living and trying to improve when these thoughts are always in my head. I wish there could be just one day where I could be freed of such thoughts.

 

[Kumachan]

so you think about ctb all the time... So what? You dont have to act on those thoughts do you? Life is ok you say...

 

[serah]

so you think about ctb all the time... So what? You dont have to act on those thoughts do you? Life is ok you say...

I understand the point you're trying to make. And yeah I agree I don't have to ctb. It's just that its really shitty feeling fine one minute and then having a sudden burst of suicidal thoughts. It's somehow scary and sometimes gets too overwhelming. In those moments ctb seems like the only choice. Life becomes useless again.

 

[ssaaahmo]

I'm glad that in some ways that things are better for you

I can't relate to things being better but i do understand having suicidal thoughts all the time

 

[braketimez]

so you think about ctb all the time... So what? You dont have to act on those thoughts do you? Life is ok you say...

Life is okay if you are overwhelmed by thinking about CTB all the time?

 

[serah]

Life is okay if you are overwhelmed by thinking about CTB all the time?

Yes, compared to how I used to be a few years back. I'm sure dealing with suicidal thoughts isn't the ideal way to live but at the least it's an improvement. I do one day wish to live without these daily thoughts but I feel that day will never come.

 

[Maybe the end]

I suggest you try the "recovery discussion" section. You may find a recovery partner who has the same issue there.

 

[Kumachan]

Life is okay if you are overwhelmed by thinking about CTB all the time?

No its not ok thats why i think about ctb. Ctb is the consequence not the reason.