D-6166

[Remember-Me-Not]

I have a countdown timer that ends on my 40th birthday. That is... 6166 days from now.

I decided that if I'm neither happy and/or not financially well off by the time I'm 40, I'm going to ctb.

I created this deadline for myself because it's like an anchor to the life I can not seem get a grasp on.

Have you ever stood in a really long line? Like, 3+ hours long. Have you seen those people realize the reward is not worth the trouble and leave after seeing how long the line is? Or those who are already in line and check their watch to say, "Crap. We've been here for like an hour and the line hasn't moved at all. We could go to another restaurant," and leave?

I'm the type of person who stay in the line because I already stood there for 2 hours and think I'm too commited to leave now.

But I'm reconsidering. There will be a point even for me where I have to say, "Okay, this is a waste of time. I've been here for 40 years already and nothing is moving, and I'm tired of standing."

I am also writing the number of days I have remaining on the inside of my left wrist. As a reminder that either A) Time is running out or B) Relief will be here soon.

But also, today I was thinking to myself that I'm not sure if I could last another 6000 days. We'll see...

Anyways. Side notes: The reason why I said being well off financially is a reason I wouldn't kill myself is because I won't be depressed *and* stressed (by work and deadlines). But also I doubt I'll be "rich," when I'm 40 haha.

I chose 40 because 30 seemed to short and 50 seemed too long.

Also now you could calculate my birthday I guess, and if you recognize me in real life because you see a 4 digit number on my inner left wrist, say something like, I don't know, "Not catching the bus yet?"

Thanks for reading my super long ramblings. I was thinking about this for the past few weeks.

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah, I know that feeling. I probably won't see my 40th either. I just don't see the point in living that long and beyond if things are still this predictably bad.

 

[Midgardsorm]

Be careful not to panic every time you look at your wrist and see the numbers.

Anxiety is horrible and might make you feel bad even in good days.

 

[ClownMe]

There's 7,149 days until i turn 40, i doubt ill make it that far.

 

[Remember-Me-Not]

Yeah, I know that feeling. I probably won't see my 40th either. I just don't see the point in living that long and beyond if things are still this predictably bad.

Yea, but I still have this hope things will be okay. I think if things aren't going to be okay by the time I'm 40, screw it. I treasure my youth, and perhaps the only reason why I have hope.

Be careful not to panic every time you look at your wrist and see the numbers.

Anxiety is horrible and might make you feel bad even in good days.

Thank you, it'll be okay. I have an actual countdown app running lmao, so I could erase the numbers any time.

And to be honest, I have this small hope that one day I will stop the countdown, and those 4 digits will have significant meaning to me from then on. Who knows.

There's 7,149 days until i turn 40, i doubt ill make it that far.

Exactly, I was like, crap this is actually a lot lmao

 

[FuneralCry]

Personally I hope to never reach 40. I do not want to get old no matter what. I do not have any sort of deadline, I plan to leave when I cannot take anymore. I wish you the best.

 

[Remember-Me-Not]

Personally I hope to never reach 40. I do not want to get old no matter what. I do not have any sort of deadline, I plan to leave when I cannot take anymore. I wish you the best.

Thank you, I appreciate that.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Definitely catching the bus before I turn 40. No way in hell that I'm staying longer. Ideally, it's waaaay before that.