Venting CTB with SN soon?

[Theendxx]

Just venting/looking for anyone to talk to me about this
TW/ food issues
I ordered a lot of Sodium Nitrite a few days ago and I'm working up the nerve to take it.
I keep worrying about failing. Failing would ruin my life even further than it is now and I just can't handle that sort of pain.
I feel extreme guilt because I know I will be hurting the people who care about me, but I just can't take this anymore. No matter how much I try I can't be happy.
I hated my body so I starved myself? Still unhappy.
I felt alone so I got into a relationship? Still unhappy.
I felt dumb so I worked hard to get into the college I wanted and did? Still unhappy.

And I've tried everything. Ketamine therapy, hospitalization, every med under the sun.

It's just my time to go and SN seems like the only reliable method.

 

[Brianiskillingme]

I have my SN too and have a lot of your same worries. Failing and guilt.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

I can understand the ED and relationship part and I'm sorry you are feeling that way): It's stressful and nearly impossible trying to find happiness in life nowadays. Right now, I'm feeling more guilty for pouring the SN into two cups yesterday and tasting it a little while my under 1 year old crawled around my feet. I hope you find peace, whatever way that may be<3

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you have suffered so unbearably in life. I know that it is hard to carry on when everything feels so hopeless. It sounds like you have been through a lot and I can imagine that it must be awful dealing with the fear of failure and guilt. In general, the fear of failure is what holds me back from ctb. I hope that you find relief from your pain.

 

[help56]

Do people feel better , it's been years I feel bad

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I can relate. I have also tried so many things and in the end they are only temporary. How was ketamine for you?

I also have my SN and want to go that way but am feeling an immense amount of guilt and fear of failure.

I am so sorry you're in so much pain but know you are not alone.

 

[help56]

Is there a live chat function ? I really can't cope on my own

 

[Thisisntitdawg]

Just venting/looking for anyone to talk to me about this
TW/ food issues
I ordered a lot of Sodium Nitrite a few days ago and I'm working up the nerve to take it.
I keep worrying about failing. Failing would ruin my life even further than it is now and I just can't handle that sort of pain.
I feel extreme guilt because I know I will be hurting the people who care about me, but I just can't take this anymore. No matter how much I try I can't be happy.
I hated my body so I starved myself? Still unhappy.
I felt alone so I got into a relationship? Still unhappy.
I felt dumb so I worked hard to get into the college I wanted and did? Still unhappy.

And I've tried everything. Ketamine therapy, hospitalization, every med under the sun.

It's just my time to go and SN seems like the only reliable method.

Hey Theendxx I just want to tell you that it's not your time to go. The darkness and hopelessless will pass eventually, I promise. I have also struggled for a long time but I was able to eventually crawl out of the hole I dug for myself. Just think about how much your family loves you and hold onto your favorite memories from your past to remind you of how beautiful life is. Please don't do this, it won't get rid of your pain it'll just pass it on to the people you care most about. You are strong and you can get through this. Although I am not online super often you can pm me if you want :)

 

[NoLightRemains]

I can relate. I have also tried so many things and in the end they are only temporary. How was ketamine for you?

Not OP, but for me ketamine is a temporary fix like most other things. It gives me a solid boost to mood for about one-two weeks on average. A big downside is the cost.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Not OP, but for me ketamine is a temporary fix like most other things. It gives me a solid boost to mood for about one-two weeks on average. A big downside is the cost.

Thank you for sharing. I have heard mostly the same from others. What people go through during the actual treatment itself sounds wild.