CTB / Recovery Dilemma

[StateOfMind]

My primary objective is ctb but with hopeium, summer (vit D) and marginally improved social life it has become even more difficult to beat SI.

I get random bursts of hope for no logical reason.
I'm a depressed neet living in mom's basement at 35 while being harassed by the Stasi.

I was considering moving out to improve self-worth but I cant even cook for myself let alone clean my room.
But that's not even the biggest issue.

If I do move out that could compromise my primary method which I have been practicing for over a year with success rate close to 100%.
Furthermore, I'm geographically dependent on this method but it's not bad because it's only 5mins by foot.
If I moved that could complicate my method and I could no longer just go out in the evening when I feel like ctb.

Practicing my method has become a part of my routine and I don't want to jeopardize that.
But I also don't want to live with my Stasi mother while I try find some happiness before I finally ctb.

I guess one could argue that I want too much.
Happiness and death.

 

[motel rooms]

I'm a depressed neet living in mom's basement at 35 while being harassed by the Stasi.

I was considering moving out to improve self-worth but I cant even cook for myself let alone clean my room.
But that's not even the biggest issue.
If I do move out that could compromise my primary method which I have been practicing for over a year with success rate close to 100%.

So, in Austria people in your position can afford to move out without getting a job? I assume you aren't capable of being a wage slave if you're so depressed you can't even clean your room. Sorry if I sound snarky, I'm just very confused

 

[StateOfMind]

So, in Austria people in your position can afford to move out without getting a job? I assume you aren't capable of being a wage slave if you're so depressed you can't even clean your room. Sorry if I sound snarky, I'm just very confused

You are not the only one that's confused.

Austria has a good social net.
There are not that many people in my exact situation so they can easily afford to pay me for doing nothing and just get harassed and humiliated for it.

 

[motel rooms]

they can easily afford to pay me for doing nothing and just get harassed and humiliated for it.

Would they make you get therapy & take ineffective drugs that make you feel even worse?

 

[StateOfMind]

Would they make you get therapy & take ineffective drugs that make you feel even worse?

My parents once forced me to see shrinks and take meds but got out of that.
The current rehab program I'm in doesn't require me to do anything much but who knows how long that lasts.