firstly, thank you for access.
i have decided on fsh next saturday. i keep having thoughts about seeking help because the process scares me a TON, but i know i will never change or get better. i can feel my closest friends all pulling away, making new, closer friendships and i am terrified of being replaced. i have had this trait since i was a child, thanks to adhd. that is exactly why i know i can never not be terrified. i crave and need closeness and company but i am horrible at making new friends and the ones i have are spending less and less time with me. in a way i am thankful that everyone who would be hurt the most is finding others to put before me. but what locked my plan in was that we had made plans with my best friend yesterday because they know i have been having a hard time lately, but they went to spend time with their new friend instead without letting me know. its such a small thing but when it was the only thing i had been looking forward to yesterday it and my feeling regarding it kind of sent me into a spiral. i cant make others cater to my needs but i dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life but i know i will. i have always had unhealthy dependence on someone in my life and i believe i always will. my only solace has been thinking about how it will all be over soon. i have planned how i will return the things others have given me and i will start writing my notes today.
i have decided on fsh next saturday. i keep having thoughts about seeking help because the process scares me a TON, but i know i will never change or get better. i can feel my closest friends all pulling away, making new, closer friendships and i am terrified of being replaced. i have had this trait since i was a child, thanks to adhd. that is exactly why i know i can never not be terrified. i crave and need closeness and company but i am horrible at making new friends and the ones i have are spending less and less time with me. in a way i am thankful that everyone who would be hurt the most is finding others to put before me. but what locked my plan in was that we had made plans with my best friend yesterday because they know i have been having a hard time lately, but they went to spend time with their new friend instead without letting me know. its such a small thing but when it was the only thing i had been looking forward to yesterday it and my feeling regarding it kind of sent me into a spiral. i cant make others cater to my needs but i dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life but i know i will. i have always had unhealthy dependence on someone in my life and i believe i always will. my only solace has been thinking about how it will all be over soon. i have planned how i will return the things others have given me and i will start writing my notes today.
