Venting CTB in Five Months

[Unemployable735]

Hey everyone, I'm new, and I think a little older than most. I'm just going to be real. I have a great job I thought was going well and I got a review from my boss that I wasn't grasping the work and so I just...They're going to terminate my contract in March following that I'll have another year on a union contract to search out secure work but if I'm honest it has been the last 3 jobs I've had that I've been let go from for not understanding or being able to complete the tasks. I'm ready to go. I've done the best I can with who I am. I can't drive a car because I'm blind, I can't hold down a job that lets me live independently in the states and I can't do library work which is what I went to school to do. I can't work in a library. Imagine that. I'm so tired. All the time I'm tired. All this world cares about is money. Every problem I have is a 200 to 1000+ dollar problem. I'm ready to leave.

I've been hanging out here anonymously for awhile and reading the methods pages. I'm unsure if I should try SN or hanging whichever one feels more economically feasible I guess. Thanks for reading everyone. I'll be posting more as I start to narrow in on a method and the time gets closer.

 

[Alice.]

i hope you can finally get your way eventually, finding a good job or otherwise. looking for and keeping a job is difficult, i get that. sometimes it can just be unbearable. the fact that this world runs on money, that you need to sacrifice your life, your soul, and your happiness just to keep afloat just isn't right. it's unbelievable how so many people are okay with contributing to this system and don't see a problem with it. everyone has one chance in life and you're forced to waste your ripe years schooling and the rest are spent working, basically your entire life is spent doing something you don't want to do. that is, unless you're one of the lucky few born into money in which case your life is basically laid out for you. if i had that kind of money, on EVERYONE'S soul i wouldn't work a day in my life and i'd spend my money donating to individuals and foundations who i want to support, among other things. even before i turned 18, graduating and getting a job seemed to me less like "finally starting your real life and making something of yourself" and more like moving from hell to super hell. since like 14 i was planning to kill myself soon after turning eighteen but then some stuff happened and i ended up not going through with that. the whole system is messed up, i wish there was some other option for people who just can't bring themselves to sacrifice their one chance of living. it's not that i don't want a job in theory, it's just that the way i'm supposed to go about it is so incredibly undesirable i'd rather kill myself than show up for an interview.

by the way, working in a library is super respectable. plus it seems laid back and relaxing, at least compared to most other jobs. what makes you unable to do that if you don't mind me asking?