CTB as a form of self-care

[thirdrailer]

Hi, all. I've been thinking about CTB honestly since I was ten. I'm about 40. I'm beginning to see this is the rational choice for me. It seems like a form of self-care. My life has gone sideways often enough that I'll never get everything out of life I want, and I doubt I have the fortitude to get anything I want out of life anyway. I don't want to list things here or even talk about them here. Take me at my word.

I don't feel like people in my life would be better of without me. In fact, I think I'm generally a positive influence on the people around me. My life is good for other people, but it's bad for me.

Seeing as I don't see a way for me to ever find any meaningful happiness, self-care seems to demand I mitigate unhappiness to the extent that I can, and that seems to be CTB.

I'm leaning heavily toward SN. I can have it shipped right to my home, it seems. It also seems that as long as I don't eat anything for a day, it's pretty much guaranteed to work, though there may be a few hours of discomfort. I'm thinking of scheduling some e-mails to people as a way of letting them know. It'll be shitty for them, but it'll no longer be shitty for me. It always has felt like the inevitable outcome of my life.

I just wanted to share these thoughts in a space that is not anti-suicide. I have no idea if I'm going to go through with this -- it's been thirty years thinking about it and I haven't done it yet -- but I need to be able to express these thoughts safely.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally see ctb as rational as we are all going to die anyway, so what is the point of an unfulfilling future filled with misery. There is only so much one human being can take, and years of these types of feelings can send us into despair. It isn't like we asked to be alive in the first place. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate!
Many people say I'm really lucky to have the life I have but they just don't understand that that and millions of money, women, friends, etc will never be enough for me because the main reason I wanna ctb is because I just find life, this universe and existence pointless.

Whatever you do, wish you lots of love and peace!!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Sparing yourself further pain and humiliation is a better option than prolonging unnecessary misery. I know it is impossible to predict the future but people already know which general direction their life is headed if they were completely honest with themselves.

I hope in my final moments I find peace realizing how easy it is just letting go. That it was silly of me clinging onto a life I never wanted in the first place.