CTB and ego

[September5th]

I was thinking about this recently. I believe that the last mental block keeping me from dying is my stupid ego.
I don't want people to think that I killed myself because of my ex. There are three reasons for that. I don't want her to believe in that, I don't really want to look weak and I know that's a mere simplification. The truth is that I hate being alive. I hate the way things roll around in this planet. I just hate it. Loosing her was only the last straw that kicked my depression and whatnot, but I always found life to be miserable. Now it's even worse, as I know what it's like to not fell 100% miserable for a change.
In any case, people will be simplifying my death. I know that after death non of that even matters. But I'm alive right now, so I think about it XD

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that someone could always write a note to those left behind to give an explanation as to why they have chosen to do this. However, I do think that even with a note it can often be difficult to try and make those left behind understand as they were not living our lives. I have also always found life to be so miserable and it does comfort me how eventually this life will be forgotten about and things will be unable to matter to me after I am dead. Existing is extremely pointless after all.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Yeah for me I'm in a crisis brought on by my new unwanted housemate. I can't stomach the fact that people might think I died because of him. He just triggered what was already underlying there.

 

[TrynaChingMyself]

You could write a note to explain how you truly feel?

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

You could write a note to explain how you truly feel?

Kinda true but I feel I'd be most likely to rope when in a crisis, when writing notes would be the last thing on my mind.

 

[dirtnap]

I get it. I'm trying to control the narrative before I CTB while realizing it doesn't matter once I'm gone. I can't control what people are going to say or think. Yet I'm still trying to mitigate all the variables.

 

[ConstantPain]

I do understand what you mean. This is why I'd so much rather die from a disease or accident. Cigarettes can't kill me quick enough.

 

[September5th]

A note would probably not be enough. That said, only a few people would read it.
I can't take being alive anymore. Seriously, it's been almost three months of non-stop agony. I'm reaching my limits here.
My ego is all I have left (sorta). I'm so fucked up, my notion of time is busted. No jokes, I can't believe it's almost July again. After April, I've been living in a limbo. Just the thought of having to live tomorrow is killing me.

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

Kinda true but I feel I'd be most likely to rope when in a crisis, when writing notes would be the last thing on my mind.

Then start writing it now. It'll help you get your thoughts in order, and you'll have time to revise it if you realize it doesn't say what you want it to say.