Help continue on? but do what? should I just make another attempt?

[TheyWereHereFirssst]

Hi guys, newest member here. Absolute horrible situation rn. Was supposed to be dead yesterday (by hanging 18mm rope i bought), did a newbie style hangmen's noose with a full suspension. I already said my goodbyes to my friends here and there, and I really felt like some closure. However everything failed because the my tie noose was so shit it just made go out for 5 minutes before collapsing. Woke up crying because I failed so badly, also cause I was using alcohol as a painkiller and I had to put out a budget to buy some again. Got caught in my next attempt buying the alcohol and my family took it away from my hands. So Im only left with my rope (which im planning for partial suspension), and soon im starting to feel ambition and the will to live again creeping back up again cause of some concessions made by a family. Wtf do I do, I lost everything and I really feel depressed for failing and I hardly want to reach out to friends again, as it feels dishonoring. I dont want copes anymore, but this new method seems very fatal and natural instincts is taking play rn.

 

[timf]

Some of what you noticed saying your goodbyes was a feeling of detachment. This feeling can remove some of the pain. As a result some discover that being able to control their feeling of detachment gives them an additional tool with which to better navigate life.

There was a guy once who managed a toxic family (alcoholism) by working a full time job while he was in high school and then got away from home by joining the Army. There are all sorts of strategies and tactics that one can employ to get out of harmful environments.

Paralleled to survival strategies are skill development undertakings that can compensate for not getting the best childhood. For example, those of us who had abusive homes may discover that we have not developed the most useful social skills. We sort of have to raise ourselves and learn what we should have been taught. This can be through making mistakes or, less painfully, observing the mistakes of others.

As far as reaching out to friends, you may have gained a new perspective that appreciates those who are nice to you. You do not have to be dishonest, but you can be a better friend to them showing more of an interest in them and their world. I wouldn't mention the attempt as it tends to freak people out.

 

[doener11]

If your will to live is coming back up, that might be a good thing in the end. After all, we only live once. Keep trying. Reach out to people to let them know you're alive (if you feel like it, do everything at your own pace, it's your life). You should try your best to live, suicide is a final option and should always be like that, having a will to live that is increasing isn't a bad thing!

 

[fedup1982]

Honestly, its not worth it. As you've discovered, dying is gucking hard. It's easier to just live and get help. Don't do this to yourself. I've been there a lot and learned the hard way its not worth it. Fuck society for making it so hard

 

[TheyWereHereFirssst]

It's hard to be conscious about everything and going about life with a serious face and believing in some kind of linear life that wasn't said in stone by a past or a condition. If I really want to go about continue living, I will be nurturing my worst instinct to always avoid pain and in general do everything in my power to get as far from it. I tried coping by insisting on my own personal ambition/projects/career paths but the resistance to that cognitive dissonance is ever felt more now this far that I'm physically revolting to even commit to that. Even though now, I got some concessions from my family that I go freelance for an income (I plan to illustrate (I've been saying this to myself since the last 2 years with hardly any worthy results or even a portfolio)) but I think its too little, too late. My moral is broken before and now my spirit is exhausted. What do I even do now? I'm scared that biting the bullet even more and letting the it fire in my mouth, continuing to the next phase, would cause a more desperate and violent outcome against myself!

Honestly, its not worth it. As you've discovered, dying is gucking hard. It's easier to just live and get help. Don't do this to yourself. I've been there a lot and learned the hard way its not worth it. Fuck society for making it so hard

If your will to live is coming back up, that might be a good thing in the end. After all, we only live once. Keep trying. Reach out to people to let them know you're alive (if you feel like it, do everything at your own pace, it's your life). You should try your best to live, suicide is a final option and should always be like that, having a will to live that is increasing isn't a bad thing!

Some of what you noticed saying your goodbyes was a feeling of detachment. This feeling can remove some of the pain. As a result some discover that being able to control their feeling of detachment gives them an additional tool with which to better navigate life.

There was a guy once who managed a toxic family (alcoholism) by working a full time job while he was in high school and then got away from home by joining the Army. There are all sorts of strategies and tactics that one can employ to get out of harmful environments.

Paralleled to survival strategies are skill development undertakings that can compensate for not getting the best childhood. For example, those of us who had abusive homes may discover that we have not developed the most useful social skills. We sort of have to raise ourselves and learn what we should have been taught. This can be through making mistakes or, less painfully, observing the mistakes of others.

As far as reaching out to friends, you may have gained a new perspective that appreciates those who are nice to you. You do not have to be dishonest, but you can be a better friend to them showing more of an interest in them and their world. I wouldn't mention the attempt as it tends to freak people out.

Sorry for got to quote you people