Confused

[IWantToSleep]

I want to die, don't want to upset my dad, even though I don't have a great relationship with him and we don't really get along that well, fantasizing that I can keep going until he dies if I just drink or do drugs everyday even though I have no access to either right now and that might not be realistic, I'm trying to acquire stuff to kill myself with even though I might want to keep going as an addict which could potentially mess up any progress I made with getting supplies (getting arrested, doing something and getting whatever I have confiscated, becoming homeless etc. idk). WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING I'M MOVING IN LIKE THREE DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS AT THE SAME TIME, MAKE YOUR FUCKING MIND UP

 

[WornOutLife]

Well, you're really confused but, I know that feeling.
For example, I was about ctb soon but my grandpa is about to die so I can't just leave my dad alone.
I don't do drugs anymore but I do drink alcohol. It's the only thing helping me.

My best advice would be for you to find something that helps you feel better. It could be psychiatric meds, alcohol, drugs, etc.

Hope you feel better soon and wish you the best for you and your family.

Hugs and love.

 

[sadworld]

Be careful with prescription drugs and drugs, alcohol in general. It sucks to be hooked on something.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Suicidal feels often come with a lot of conflict, you're not alone with this experience