Venting Close to death.

[it's_all_a_game]

I'm so close to ctb now, and I feel...empty.

I have been craving the void for ages, but knowing it might actually arrive in a couple of months (or maybe weeks, I feel so awful right now) is just...soul draining. I never wanted to die. I wanted to be successful and content. I wanted be a writer that might even win a Nobel prize, or at least a Booker. But now, I am electing my own death.

My heart is dead. My mind is dead. No happiness, no despair...no nothing. Crawling into the infinite darkness and ceasing to exist for eternity is terrifying, but I can't stand to be here on Earth any longer. This world is fucked beyond repair, and I have no desire to be alive at all.

I feel like a zombie, the living undead. Nothing matters anymore, nothing is worthwhile to stick around for. When I die, it'll be as if I'm returning to the grave. I will finally be at rest. Forever.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm really sorry to hear this.
I felt like a zombie for 3 years and it was no fun at all.

Send you good vibes and hope things improve somehow.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Your post is nicely written. Perhaps, though, you are not the one who is "dead". What you have written shows you are unhappy with the current state of the world; this could mean that you are aware... and alive - metaphorically. I could be wrong, so please do not think that I am trying to invalidate you; do whatever will bring you peace.

You enjoy writing - is there any way that you could do it as a hobby - would that help?