I've always been drawn to risky behavior. I started gambling at 14 years of age, betting on CSGO matches. It started off with lawn mowing money, $20 here, $25 there. It progressed after I got my first real job at 15, losing my paycheck every 2 weeks. I'm now 21 years old and broken. I got a job straight out of high school making $1800 a week, 72 hours a week trimming trees. 95% of my income has been lost to online crypto gambling sites. I'm now in the military, no car, no savings, $10k in debt, and no end in sight.
I can't get better. I broke down to my brother a while ago, turning over my finances to him. It worked for a few months. I saved $4k, was looking at getting a vehicle so I don't have to bum rides to work and sit in my room all weekend watching YouTube. Then I lied about a needing money for a work trip, gambled, and lost all the money. Gambling is worse than drugs and alcohol. I've been down that hole, and got back out in one piece; but gambling is something I can't conquer.
Combine that with ADHD diagnosed when I was 16, and major depressive disorder, and I'm just exhausted and done. Life doesn't interest me anymore, I just work for free, suffer for free, and make the world a worse place. I can't even get treatment for these conditions as I didn't disclose them when I enlisted into the military. If I went to a doctor, I would be chaptered out of the military and I would be be homeless, carless, and destitute.
Anyways, I've been researching a couple threads on here on partial hanging, and I look forward to practicing/giving it a try in the coming days. I'm elated at the thought of serenity and peace, not being trapped in my head anymore.
I can't get better. I broke down to my brother a while ago, turning over my finances to him. It worked for a few months. I saved $4k, was looking at getting a vehicle so I don't have to bum rides to work and sit in my room all weekend watching YouTube. Then I lied about a needing money for a work trip, gambled, and lost all the money. Gambling is worse than drugs and alcohol. I've been down that hole, and got back out in one piece; but gambling is something I can't conquer.
Combine that with ADHD diagnosed when I was 16, and major depressive disorder, and I'm just exhausted and done. Life doesn't interest me anymore, I just work for free, suffer for free, and make the world a worse place. I can't even get treatment for these conditions as I didn't disclose them when I enlisted into the military. If I went to a doctor, I would be chaptered out of the military and I would be be homeless, carless, and destitute.
Anyways, I've been researching a couple threads on here on partial hanging, and I look forward to practicing/giving it a try in the coming days. I'm elated at the thought of serenity and peace, not being trapped in my head anymore.
