Can’t work up the nerve to ask my parents to let me CTB

[ConfusedAndWeird]

Hey there, sorry if this is kind of tacky but I'm stuck on a difficult decision. I want to ask my parents about letting me CTB since nobody will employ me and pay me enough to move out of their house, and because I'm practically on house arrest to the point where I can't come up with a reliable method of committing suicide. However, I've been hesitating for weeks because I know they don't like the idea and because I think discussing it will most likely make things worse. Because I can't come up with a decision myself, I was kind of hoping to get opinions on whether or not it's a good or bad idea. I'm veering towards bad idea but I'm not sure. If you don't mind, tell me what you think, and please let me know if my question is out of line.

Oh and I already talked with them two months ago about it but back then they said that "they weren't giving up hope on me" but they also said that if I wanted to go it was "my life my choice." And yet they now constantly watch me to make sure I don't have the opportunity to CTB and react hostilely if I make jokes that paint death as a blessing.

 

[motel rooms]

I think you know they won't give you their "blessing"

 

[Thisgirlwantstosleep]

I think most parents wouldn't willingly allow their child to kill themselves.

Ultimately they love you and because they love you they want to do what makes you happy, like when they said

>that if I wanted to go it was "my life my choice."

However because they have an emotional attachment to you they want to keep you around too.

These two things will constantly conflict with one another because what would make you happy goes against their morals as a parent.

So ultimately, if you flat out ask them a question like that, of course they'll say no. I mean, this is just my opinion and you have the will to do as you please but based off of the information you've given it sounds like they care enough to give you the support you need.

> they said that "they weren't giving up hope on me"

That doesn't sound like parents that would be apathetic towards the death of their child. If they were they would have lost patience for you long before you got to this point.

 

[Efilismislife]

but they also said that if I wanted to go it was "my life my choice."

Thats correct your life your choice
I dont understand why you need to show them your ctb plan only to make them stopping you if you really wanna ctb?
Knowing obviously they wont be comfortable to grant you that wish.

Its actually contradict to suicide plan. Its number 1 to ruin a plan. If you tell people to stop you in the beginning.

Do you wanna show your suicidal action only because you cant get payment&dont wanna be kick out from the house?

Adult has the right to choose their fate and they have their own responsibility

Its not a must to show off suicide if not wanted.
Its not needed to push other people to change their mind from non suicidal to pro suicidal and push other to push other people to suicide.
thats anti choice.


even a kid who wants to steal dont tell anyone theyre about to steal which only ruin&stop that plan from the beginning

 

[ConfusedAndWeird]

I dont understand why you need to show them your ctb plan only to make them stopping you if you really wanna ctb?

It's because the only method I have available is full suspension and I can't actually pull that off without them noticing. Without it, I know that I will be caught and simply be brought to the hospital with brain damage. They checked all the mail and haven't allowed me to drive at all even before I brought any of this up. As for the "why bring it up if you didn't want to be caught." The idea was that I didn't think it should be considered like a crime. Having said that, I did suspect it was a bad idea to bring it up. I just didn't want to believe it was true because it was my last idea after a year of trying and failing without their knowledge. Like, not failing because I backed out, but failing because my method just wasn't lethal enough. But thanks to everyone for their input. I'll just have to see if I can find some other way.

 

[Efilismislife]

It's because the only method I have available is full suspension and I can't actually pull that off without them noticing.

CTB only need 1 hour to work. Find 1 hour to be alone is a must in the first place

Obviously someone cant CTB infront of their parents

The idea was that I didn't think it should be considered like a crime. Having said that, I did suspect it was a bad idea to bring it up.

"Mom, dad i want to kill myself wish me success"
"Ok honey good luck, make sure you kill yourself right and dont survive"

I only saw that in cartoon.

That seems impossible in real life, unless the parents are very abusive and hate the children so much that they wanna support killing the child.

Except for terminal illness cases, even thats still hard to find.

 

[Life_and_Death]

judging by some of the things youve said here im guessing youve talked to them? about your problems, how youve been feeling, ect?

while my loved ones would prefer that i get better, if i do commit suicide i at least know they have an understanding of why

 

[ConfusedAndWeird]

judging by some of the things youve said here im guessing youve talked to them? about your problems, how youve been feeling, ect?

Yes that's true, two months ago I told them how I felt because I felt like they were onto my plans and so I came clean with everything. I had hoped that it would change things but I don't think it really has. Though my parents did act understanding in that conversation it was a rare moment for them since, well normally they would give me a hard time about everything. I honestly would have preferred to find a job that paid enough for me to move out so I could make my plans in peace but I couldn't find that type of employment no matter how hard I looked. Hence my getting desperate. I really don't want to spend 50+ years of the rest of my life slowly rotting to death.

CTB only need 1 hour to work. Find 1 hour to be alone is a must in the first place

That's just the thing though, even before I came out and said what I wanted to do, I couldn't get an hour alone in anywhere except my bedroom, and there aren't any good places to do full hanging in there. I've tried partial hanging in the closet with a tie way too many times to count, and it never worked no matter what position I positioned myself in. I tried with a belt and bedsheets too and that didn't work either. So I could either CTB somewhere else in the house and get caught or take a walk alone for an hour and hope I can both find a suitable tree whose branches won't collapse, that I can take my ligature of choice without getting caught, and that I can make in time without police getting called to search for me (my parents were hyperparanoid about letting me do anything and everything before I told them what I wanted to do, including driving, working, and moving out of the house, so I wouldn't doubt they'd do it if I was out for what they consider too long.) So I thought the only way to get that hour alone would be to somehow convince them to let me get that hour alone. I had no other ideas whatsoever. And I have no intentions of "getting better" as I've tried that for 10+ years and also tried to become self-sufficient and independent and it's been such a colossal failure that I am extremely behind everyone my age group on life and hate where I am right now. Digging myself out would take so much effort, if it was even possible, because I doubt it is, it would take so much effort and luck that I don't see the potential reward to… CTB without being watched, as worth it, because I could potentially do it with much less effort. Like why spend years of work trying to CTB if you could potentially get it in 10 minutes by asking for it? Or it could be simple but I guess for some reason it can't be? I honestly don't get why it's so obvious that people wouldn't let others die if they wanted to. I mean I personally wouldn't get too broken up if anybody I really cared for died. Probably my cat, but even then I wouldn't force him to endure what he considered extreme pain for my peace of mind, mostly because it wouldn't bring me peace of mind to do such a thing.

I know people here have said my way of thinking is ridiculous and it probably is considered that. It's just frustrating to have a universal worldview you don't share forced on you at your ultimate expense. I don't see what I'm doing as forcing my view on them. I'm not saying they should die. I'm just asking for them to respect my decision. I see being obligated to live as having views forced on me. Essentially my idea was that I'm not obligated to light myself on fire to keep others warm. But I get what people say about the whole idea being realistically silly and impossible. I just really don't think it should be.

 

[FuneralCry]

From my point of view, if someone knew that I was about to ctb, they would do everything to try and stop it. It would mean it would be a lot harder to actually ctb. People have this instinct to try and save others.

 

[Efilismislife]

From my point of view, if someone knew that I was about to ctb, they would do everything to try and stop it. It would mean it would be a lot harder to actually ctb. People have this instinct to try and save others.

True, even i have abusive parents who neglect me, i still dont tell them prior ctb. (Unless afterward if theres a will)

I shouldnt have to tell them beforehand. Its my right, everyones right. Nobody asked to be born.

Also i dont want them to do things that could make it harder for me.
Its a basic precautions.

 

[ConfusedAndWeird]

Well I am surprised this poll picked up more traction than I expected. I'm thankful for everyone who voted to help me come to a decision. The decision not to bank on a complete miracle to happen in such a conversation. I hope I will be able to find peace soon one way or another, I will just have to find some other way.