Venting Can’t shake this mindset

[cantbe]

I'm in a weird mindset for several weeks where I keep thinking I'm magically going to CTB today somehow. Like KCN or a gun is just going to fall into my lap from somewhere or I'll get the courage for full suspension or stand in front of the train or I'll miraculously die in my sleep.

Or that I can will myself to get better from PSSD, anhedonia and psych drug withdrawal in like a day.

I wish a miracle would happen. I feel like I'm in a dangerous mindset and have no idea what to do. I haven't been able to eat or get out of bed to do the basics like wash myself or laundry. Everyday I don't CTB my responsibilities pile up and I can't do them. But my family is depending on me to earn money soon and think I'm fine though they see me unable to do the basics. I don't know how this is going to end. Work starts soon.

Would be gratefulfor any replies.

 

[maitreya1313]

There's always hope

 

[StellaArtoix]

I'm in a weird mindset for several weeks where I keep thinking I'm magically going to CTB today somehow. Like KCN or a gun is just going to fall into my lap from somewhere or I'll get the courage for full suspension or stand in front of the train or I'll miraculously die in my sleep.

Or that I can will myself to get better from PSSD, anhedonia and psych drug withdrawal in like a day.

I wish a miracle would happen. I feel like I'm in a dangerous mindset and have no idea what to do. I haven't been able to eat or get out of bed to do the basics like wash myself or laundry. Everyday I don't CTB my responsibilities pile up and I can't do them. But my family is depending on me to earn money soon and think I'm fine though they see me unable to do the basics. I don't know how this is going to end. Work starts soon.

Would be gratefulfor any replies.

Im sorry. it sounds like your in hell at the moment. I wish I knew what to say to you I really do. Its so hard when yu have people relying on you, it makes it so much harder to just opt out and when you have so many responsibilities and they just keep piling up and piling up it seems like theres no way out. Sounds to me like your head is playing tricks on you, most likely due to all the stress your under right now. Are there things that you can do that have worked for you in the past that may help to make you feel like theres a bit more breathing room? Do you jog or do stuff like that? Im just thinking of people that are normally quite active and find the release of dopamine and endorphins something that seems to really calm the mind. It also offers you the opportunity to get away from things and sometimes just getting out of your own environment is a big help? I know this is not much help but I have a gd ear if thats of any use? Take care