Can’t handle PTSD anymore

[username12345]

Aside from the family estrangement, bullying, other random abuses/discrimination, etc., the nightmares and flashbacks are enough to want to end everything. I have struggled with nightmares and flashbacks for a really long time and they have never been this bad. I can't take everything anymore: I go to sleep and I get nightmares and I wake up and everything is still hell, and I don't even have anyone that's there for me.

I cannot express how difficult it is trying to blend in with people, too. I'm so completely drained and things have been just completely awful for years. It feels like my life is never going to get better. I don't want to live my life in fear of being murdered, and struggling to pick up the pieces of me that other people decided to break. I leave people be, I never asked for all of this. Now there's just no sign that anything will get better, only worse. I don't get what about someone struggling but minding their business says to make things worse. I'm tired of people watering down everything I've been to and just acting like I'm whiny and holding grudges when I'm traumatized! Bullying disabled people is ableist and then just turning around and further claiming how crazy I am???

I never even got a chance to process any of the childhood trauma because it's just been more and more shit one after the next. I've had several therapists refer me to intensive outpatient therapy for my trauma but I can't afford it and don't have the support system or time to go so instead I am just wasting away. I just don't get what kind of life that is.

 

[hang in there]

Aside from the family estrangement, bullying, other random abuses/discrimination, etc., the nightmares and flashbacks are enough to want to end everything. I have struggled with nightmares and flashbacks for a really long time and they have never been this bad. I can't take everything anymore: I go to sleep and I get nightmares and I wake up and everything is still hell, and I don't even have anyone that's there for me.

I cannot express how difficult it is trying to blend in with people, too. I'm so completely drained and things have been just completely awful for years. It feels like my life is never going to get better. I don't want to live my life in fear of being murdered, and struggling to pick up the pieces of me that other people decided to break. I leave people be, I never asked for all of this. Now there's just no sign that anything will get better, only worse. I don't get what about someone struggling but minding their business says to make things worse. I'm tired of people watering down everything I've been to and just acting like I'm whiny and holding grudges when I'm traumatized! Bullying disabled people is ableist and then just turning around and further claiming how crazy I am???

I never even got a chance to process any of the childhood trauma because it's just been more and more shit one after the next. I've had several therapists refer me to intensive outpatient therapy for my trauma but I can't afford it and don't have the support system or time to go so instead I am just wasting away. I just don't get what kind of life that is.

I'm so sorry you have been through this. Have you ever been on medication to deal with stress? It's kind of a last resort but when you can't change the environment that's damaging you and you can't make it to therapy to learn to cope, it can help get you through it until you're someplace safer. It also really helps with reducing intensity/frequency of nightmares, in fact there is a specific medication Prazosin that is prescribed specifically for controlling PTSD nightmares.

 

[divinemistress36]

Ptsd really sucks. Im starting emdr therapy soon . You could look into that

 

[username12345]

I'm so sorry you have been through this. Have you ever been on medication to deal with stress? It's kind of a last resort but when you can't change the environment that's damaging you and you can't make it to therapy to learn to cope, it can help get you through it until you're someplace safer. It also really helps with reducing intensity/frequency of nightmares, in fact there is a specific medication Prazosin that is prescribed specifically for controlling PTSD nightmares.

I've been on prazosin and it didn't help. The problem with medication is that there is no medication that is specific to PTSD. Plus, things in my life are so bad and have been so bad, treating the circumstances like it's just my mental health that's the problem won't make anything any better. My mental health is *because* of the circumstances. It's at the point where I just don't think I'm gonna get through this.

 

[ididnotconsent]

Ptsd really sucks. Im starting emdr therapy soon . You could look into that

Could try Spravato as well if your insurance covers it. Anything is worth a try.

 

[c.c]

Aside from the family estrangement, bullying, other random abuses/discrimination, etc., the nightmares and flashbacks are enough to want to end everything. I have struggled with nightmares and flashbacks for a really long time and they have never been this bad. I can't take everything anymore: I go to sleep and I get nightmares and I wake up and everything is still hell, and I don't even have anyone that's there for me.

I cannot express how difficult it is trying to blend in with people, too. I'm so completely drained and things have been just completely awful for years. It feels like my life is never going to get better. I don't want to live my life in fear of being murdered, and struggling to pick up the pieces of me that other people decided to break. I leave people be, I never asked for all of this. Now there's just no sign that anything will get better, only worse. I don't get what about someone struggling but minding their business says to make things worse. I'm tired of people watering down everything I've been to and just acting like I'm whiny and holding grudges when I'm traumatized! Bullying disabled people is ableist and then just turning around and further claiming how crazy I am???

I never even got a chance to process any of the childhood trauma because it's just been more and more shit one after the next. I've had several therapists refer me to intensive outpatient therapy for my trauma but I can't afford it and don't have the support system or time to go so instead I am just wasting away. I just don't get what kind of life that is.

I have suffered from ptsd since for 11 years now and it just got worse last year..kinda more like cptsd and i don't have access to any MH care and i don't bother with online support groups cuz for me there's just no point in recovering..and get nightmares every alternative day so now i just sleep at around 4am or even later so that when i wake up the room isn't as dark and trying going back to sleep as fast as you can and i know it is difficult but you can do small things like low room temperature, listen to music which relatable to you and kinda sounds a bit like Lullababy ( i listen to THE GREATEST- by Bille ellish ) and cry a bit yourself to sleep again so that the when you remember the nightmare again after waking up ..it's not as intense and scary to remember and hey at times i sleep back again and see another nightmare but since i can't help it i either go back to sleep or wake up and self harm or cry or listen to a music in can cry over. You didn't deserve all those trauma and mistreatment..it took me years to realise that what i went through was physical and mental abuse at home and at school ..i also feel neglected till date by my friends, boyfriend and family and honestly there's really nothing we can do about that but i will tell that while suffering from trauma of physical, mental and sexual abuse at 15 it did get better for me( it got again and more than ever worse last year) you can try to change schools/ workplace and show fake confidence use your pain as humour to attract new and kind friends ( i did it by wearing mask all the time cuz i had been bullied for my face a lot and still do) you can try whats best for you and if things get hard again don't suppress your feelings like me. Your feelings and thoughts are vaild no matter what and if not in real life you can always come back to this community and talk to people with similar experiences ...hope to get better and recover soon♡

 

[LittleBlackCat]

I hear you. Especially the part about not having time to deal with your trauma because it's one thing after another..