Venting Can’t go through with ctb method after watching gore

[sickdog]

Jesus fucking christ. I wish I had never watched those videos. I knew that a shotgun to the head wouldn't be a pretty sight but I can't get those images out of my head now. I feel traumatized. Maybe I'm just too much of coward for this shit.

How can happy people die in accidents every day? Why can't that be me? I shouldn't have to do something like *that* to end my own life. Why can't I just get in a car crash on my way to work something? It's unfair that people with potential and happiness can die so easily. I wish I could trade places with them. If only all the suicidal people could get terminal illnesses or get in accidents instead of people who got robbed of a good life. I'm so tired…

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I think it was naive in the first place to think that "death by gun" is peaceful and not messy at all. It's probably a quick method if you hit the brain stem but it's messy! I could never do this method even if I had easy access to a gun.

How can happy people die in accidents every day? Why can't that be me? I shouldn't have to do something like *that* to end my own life. Why can't I just get in a car crash on my way to work something? It's unfair that people with potential and happiness can die so easily. I wish I could trade places with them. If only all the suicidal people could get terminal illnesses or get in accidents instead of people who got robbed of a good life. I'm so tired…

Often I ask that myself when I'm very suicidal but keep in mind a terminal illness can only make your life worse if you live in a country that rejects euthanasia for terminally ill people!

 

[sickdog]

I think it was naive in the first place to think that "death by gun" is peaceful and not messy at all. It's probably a quick method if you hit the brain stem but it's messy! I could never do this method even if I had easy access to a gun.


Often I ask that myself when I'm very suicidal but keep in mind a terminal illness can only make your life worse if you live in a country that rejects euthanasia for terminally ill people!

I knew it would be messy, but I didn't care about that because I wouldn't be alive to see it. But now that I've seen it in videos I'm horrified. I do think it would be peaceful though because it would be instant death.

 

[TheOneFreeDude]

Death is always ugly, but in different levels.

 

[L'absent]

Have you ever seen a person hit by a train? If you're shocked by a rifle shot to the head, you'd better not see anything else. Painless, instant death is almost always brutal. Otherwise you suffer with uncertainty. I have a friend ruined by an attempt with monoxide and poor thing she lives a horrendous life almost like a vegetable in a wheelchair, now she has also lost her sight.

 

[FinalVoid25]

I don't really understand your concern tbh? If you have a car crash you will look even worse, there are plenty of gore pictures from those. The fact that a shotgun completely obliterates the head is relaxing to me, because that means I won't even feel anything. How you look after death is irrelevant anyway, you won't be here to think about it.

 

[attheend13]

Jesus fucking christ. I wish I had never watched those videos. I knew that a shotgun to the head wouldn't be a pretty sight but I can't get those images out of my head now. I feel traumatized. Maybe I'm just too much of coward for this shit.

How can happy people die in accidents every day? Why can't that be me? I shouldn't have to do something like *that* to end my own life. Why can't I just get in a car crash on my way to work something? It's unfair that people with potential and happiness can die so easily. I wish I could trade places with them. If only all the suicidal people could get terminal illnesses or get in accidents instead of people who got robbed of a good life. I'm so tired…

Wow, I say that to myself daily. Stray bullet or car crash. Every day there's grieving families and tragic loss. My loss wouldn't be tragic. I mean is it a loss for someone like me to die?

 

[JustHere1]

I always recommend not attempting desensitization for this reason. You're already suffering, why endure more? I'm so sorry you've experienced this. I'm very sensitive to gore and torment and my nightmares are terrible enough on their own, so I empathize with you here.

The gore is not something you need to pay attention to, just the effectiveness. You are living countless years and you should always be able to decide when you're done - the people who attend to your death only attend to it once, they have seen it before.

The only difference between watching a suicide and something die, is the fact it's self inflicted. The end result is death, human or animal. For those who are sensitive to the gore aspect, you could CTB in the wilderness - animals will stumble upon it and take care of remains.

Again I am very sorry you have had this experience and I hope you can recover soon. And for the record, you are no coward. If it helps you feel better, I'm friends with a spirit who has ensured my safe passage and has given me information on what to expect, and I am still afraid of pain. My method will be handgun, 9mm - not as effective, and therefore scarier for me, because my fear is suffering. I won't be able to hear my partner during this and I don't know how long I will survive for, if it isn't immediate. But I try to focus on my goal and the fact I will be safe when I cross over. I hope you find peace soon, in life or death.

 

[J&L383]

I think it was naive in the first place to think that "death by gun" is peaceful and not messy at all. It's probably a quick method if you hit the brain stem but it's messy! I could never do this method even if I had easy access to a gun.


Often I ask that myself when I'm very suicidal but keep in mind a terminal illness can only make your life worse if you live in a country that rejects euthanasia for terminally ill people!

My father died of a terminal illness, and though it was fairly quick the last weeks we're at the very least unpleasant. But I would still take that over the messiness of a gunshot ending to my life.

Have you ever seen a person hit by a train? If you're shocked by a rifle shot to the head, you'd better not see anything else. Painless, instant death is almost always brutal. Otherwise you suffer with uncertainty. I have a friend ruined by an attempt with monoxide and poor thing she lives a horrendous life almost like a vegetable in a wheelchair, now she has also lost her sight.

I'm sorry to hear that about your friend.

 

[scottchy]

How can happy people die in accidents every day? Why can't that be me? I shouldn't have to do something like *that* to end my own life. Why can't I just get in a car crash on my way to work something? It's unfair that people with potential and happiness can die so easily. I wish I could trade places with them. If only all the suicidal people could get terminal illnesses or get in accidents instead of people who got robbed of a good life. I'm so tired…

I ask myself a similar question frequently.
Why do people that are young or successful, or have families or simply a better quality of life and actually want to be here have their lives cut short?
I've met young people with bad hearts that are told they will have a short life regardless of what they do.
And here I am. Healthy. Just surviving, just being.
I would give my heart to someone that needed it in a heartbeat lol

 

[Droso]

I feel the exact same way regarding the "why couldn't I just die in a sudden accident?" thought process.

This world was brought on pure coincidence yet it laughs in suicidal people's faces by taking the lives of the non suffering and happy. It dangles it just out of reach like candy to a baby. I would call it unfair, but in this existence fairness is just a construct. Things happen or they don't.

But yes, the situation definitely brings the feeling of unfairness to us. I feel it is not fair that death can happen so randomly and unexpectedly yet, miraculously, I am still alive on this earth. I wish there was a way to delete matter. I want the atoms that make myself up to be fully destroyed. That would be the only 100% effective way of dying.

 

[maniac116]

If you can't watch gore without being negatively affected then, to me, you have a deep human connection. It hurts to see others who are suffering or disfigured.
I'm the same way & realized years ago that gore messed me up. Those visuals will diminish with time, but may never go away completely.
I realized that I can't see others who have suffered. And I was a nurse!!
Please, for your own mental wellbeing stop watching it!
I now know I'm a deeply empathic person & it sounds like you are too. Maybe you could explore your empathy & find a way to use it in a positive way.
This world sorely needs empathic people

 

[AUROR4]

I gave up ctb with hanging after watching videos of people hanging themselves. I watched a video of a girl ctb with SN and realised that this was the path I should follow.

 

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

I gave up ctb with hanging after watching videos of people hanging themselves. I watched a video of a girl ctb with SN and realised that this was the path I should follow.

Link?

 

[Regen]

Yes, me too... After watching hang videos :-( Fucking gore shit.

 

[EternalLight]

If you can't watch gore without being negatively affected then, to me, you have a deep human connection. It hurts to see others who are suffering or disfigured.

Some people out there even enjoy it. How such people come to be, I wish I knew. Personally, I'm more inclined to the belief that there's another race that lives among us, perhaps saurians or transdimensional entities of some sort, who regard us as a kind of livestock to be harvested. They walk among us disguised to look like us, running our institutions and directing our development, but they lack the warmblooded heart of true humanity.