Can't fight anymore

[UselessMF]

Hello SS community, I've been reading on the site for 4-5 months now and all of you here seem so kind, nice and respectful towards everybody, that made me join since I have no real friend to talk to.

Heres my situation, I tried to ctb when I was 14 and since than everyday of my life have been a fight with the demons in my head telling me to end my life. I'm 32 now, 2 young children of 2 and 4 years old and pretty much everything I always wanted but I still can't find happiness, even if I'm considering myself lucky for all I got and no health issue or whatever.

I'm having this weird feelings of being born in the wrong era, in the wrong place, in the wrong mind and body. I just dont know who am I really and I can't fight these demons and those sleepless nights thinking about all f****ing details that f***ed up anymore. Now I just want to end all that, so my children can grow up without my negative aura in their way. My objective is to ctb in the next 4-5 months to give me time to organize all the financial and legal stuff before I go.

I wish I can find some peace and friendship here before I go.

Thanks

 

[NodusTollens]

Hi & Welcome to SS.

After reading what you wrote, I can't imagine what you must be going through. From the sounds of it, you've experienced a lot in your lifetime.

I hope you're able to find a sense of community here & that you find the that which'll bring you peace.

 

[AutoTap]

I hope your able to find what you need here and peace. Welcome to the community

 

[Arthaniel]

Hello SS community, I've been reading on the site for 4-5 months now and all of you here seem so kind, nice and respectful towards everybody, that made me join since I have no real friend to talk to.

Heres my situation, I tried to ctb when I was 14 and since than everyday of my life have been a fight with the demons in my head telling me to end my life. I'm 32 now, 2 young children of 2 and 4 years old and pretty much everything I always wanted but I still can't find happiness, even if I'm considering myself lucky for all I got and no health issue or whatever.

I'm having this weird feelings of being born in the wrong era, in the wrong place, in the wrong mind and body. I just dont know who am I really and I can't fight these demons and those sleepless nights thinking about all f****ing details that f***ed up anymore. Now I just want to end all that, so my children can grow up without my negative aura in their way. My objective is to ctb in the next 4-5 months to give me time to organize all the financial and legal stuff before I go.

I wish I can find some peace and friendship here before I go.

Thanks

Can you tell me what was the reason for trying at such a young age? If all of this has been going on since then, I can't imagine what you must be feeling ...

 

[UselessMF]

Can you tell me what was the reason for trying at such a young age? If all of this has been going on since then, I can't imagine what you must be feeling ...

It was the same feelings I had all my life, anxiety of being a in a place I dont want to be. The reason i'm still alive is that I dont want to hurt anyone around me, but this reason isnt enough anymore.