Can you guys help me break my pattern of rumination over conflict?

[diealegend24]

My mind can't stop ruminating over past or future conflicts.


My brain creates these scenes where I'm having a full blown argument or confrontation with someone.

It's like a scene, not a "what if they say this" .

It's full blown scene, I'll say this and they say that and then it escalates, then I'm angry or anxious in real time as if it's actually right happening right now. Before I realize I'm having a whole altercation in my head.

It's automatic and it's endless.

It's very imagery based rather than verbal "what ifs?"

\\\* It happens with multiple people, not just one person.

\\\* It starts automatically.

\\\* I can become emotionally activated before realizing what is happening.

\\\* I recognize afterward that it was happening in your mind.

Usually it's triggered by people who I've had a bad conflict with. It drives me insane and it's endless.

 

[hughmun9]

Maybe I can help, I've dealt with this in the past, no guarantees though, my coping mechanisms might not work for you.

What is a 'bad conflict' to you? Do you wish you handled those 'bad conflicts' differently?

 

[webb&flow]

For those particular people who you are thinking of in this, what is the current active state of the real relationships you have with these people in real life? (As in, how resolved or actively safe do they feel?)

 

[Grasp of darkness]

I'm a big advocate for physical distraction to take your mind off your mental state of being. Focus on taking deep breaths in and out. If that doesn't work you can try pinching yourself really hard until the pain focuses you on the present. If you're not in an active conversation, you can do jumping jacks until you're gassed. You can't think about much else when you're gassed.

 

[diealegend24]

Maybe I can help, I've dealt with this in the past, no guarantees though, my coping mechanisms might not work for you.

What is a 'bad conflict' to you? Do you wish you handled those 'bad conflicts' differently?

Someone disrespects me in any way or is simply looking for a fight

 

[hughmun9]

Someone disrespects me in any way or is simply looking for a fight

I still struggle with this sometimes to be fair. How often do these conflicts occur? Are these people family or co-workers or classmates?

No need to answer or can switch to PM's if this is too private to share.

My understanding for the main reason for why the rumination was happening to me is:
I've experienced these moments of disrespect in the past and have not handled them in a way I wanted to. They caused some kind of damage usually for me it's messing with my reputation in my social circle.
Because I didn't handle them as I thought I should have my brain keeps replaying them in my head almost as a way to prepare me for the next time this would happen. However, if for whatever reason I don't think that I have the tools to manage the situation next time, my brain will replay the situation in my head endlessly. The loop won't close.

 

[Forveleth]

I do not hvw advice as I frequently do the exact same thing. Lots of bottled anger in my life. I hope you find a solution.

 

[Valky]

Since you are on this forum I am gonna assume that your overall mental health is struggling at least a bit already. So this might just be a high alert response, your mind trying to prepare you for a similar situation that might happen in the future.
You might already be in survival mode and those conflicts are an additional huge stress factor that are just adding to what you already have going on.
So I'd personally suggest to focus on things that you can control to try and stabilise yourself a bit in order for conflicts to not affect you this heavily.
And it can be simple things like your environment, temperature, noises, who you surround yourself with, self care, etc.
hope this can help a bit :)