Discussion Can anyone be genuinely be too far gone?

[suicidalalcoholic]

Im wondering if im just too far gone. I've sort of had issues with me since i was 9 and now im 19. Ive tried ignoring my issues all these years and never really told anyone till this year. Its gotten so bad this year and recently. I don't feel like i deserve to eat. I hate interacting with people. Even with the people i love. It genuinely pisses me off so much, i just don't wanna talk to them and its not like they did something bad. I have to control every fiber of my being trying not to lash out at them if they talk to me. I just want to be alone in a room and no one disturbs me but thats not possible in my environment. I don't like being around people nor do i like talking to them. I honestly have no desire to get better. But theres still some part of me that wants to live. I try to suppress it. I don't want to become better. I don't want to live in this world. I don't like this world either. I really wish i could go. Theres nothing that could really change my decision. Getting professional help here is also a pain and even if i do end up seeing a psychiatrist im scared of going to the ward, anything but that. I'm sort of anti psych meds to begin with. I dont think the meds are a bad thing but im just scared of taking them. I just don't have the energy to live on anymore. I don't know what i want at this point. In my heart i really do not want to continue on living but logically think i wonder maybe there is a way to get better? but what is the way. I don't see any way. I know my post has a lot of contradicting points so sorry about that, my minds just a fuckfest

 

[lastappleonearth]

Im wondering if im just too far gone. I've sort of had issues with me since i was 9 and now im 19. Ive tried ignoring my issues all these years and never really told anyone till this year. Its gotten so bad this year and recently. I don't feel like i deserve to eat. I hate interacting with people. Even with the people i love. It genuinely pisses me off so much, i just don't wanna talk to them and its not like they did something bad. I have to control every fiber of my being trying not to lash out at them if they talk to me. I just want to be alone in a room and no one disturbs me but thats not possible in my environment. I don't like being around people nor do i like talking to them. I honestly have no desire to get better. But theres still some part of me that wants to live. I try to suppress it. I don't want to become better. I don't want to live in this world. I don't like this world either. I really wish i could go. Theres nothing that could really change my decision. Getting professional help here is also a pain and even if i do end up seeing a psychiatrist im scared of going to the ward, anything but that. I'm sort of anti psych meds to begin with. I dont think the meds are a bad thing but im just scared of taking them. I just don't have the energy to live on anymore. I don't know what i want at this point. In my heart i really do not want to continue on living but logically think i wonder maybe there is a way to get better? but what is the way. I don't see any way. I know my post has a lot of contradicting points so sorry about that, my minds just a fuckfest

I relate to what you are feeling a lot and I'm sorry it has to be this way for you, but we're still young, you especially, and maybe there's still hope for sth good to happen, sth to change for the better. At least it's nice to think that

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

I understand your situation perfectly, I see a lot of my own in it. I hate talking to people too, and also just don't have the energy to want to live. Don't have the energy to set up ctb, either. You're not alone in it, mate. Love and peace

 

[never mind me]

I don't know the quality of mental health care in your country. But if you have a chance to find a psychiatrist who can do proper diagnosis first it might help you to find a way to deal with your issues. Not all mental health conditions require you to take medication. Some mental illnesses can just as well or even better be treated with psychotherapy. So I think it is important to find out what's wrong with you first. And then take steps from there. Even if you don't decide to get treatment after being diagnosed it might still help you in the way that you can search for information about your mental illness and look for self help resources. When speaking to a psychiatrist or other health care worker I recommend you not to mention you have actual plans for ctb. It is usually ok to say that you have suicidal ideation, but you should make it clear that you don't have any concrete ctb plans yet and don't actually want to die or provide reasons why you think you want to continue living, in order to ensure you are not involuntarily commited to a psych ward. Although the exact laws vary by country, typically someone has to be a danger to oneself or others in order to justify treatment against someone's will.
I also doubt it is a good idea to suppress the part of you who wants to live. Not because I say you should live, if you really don't want to. But there might still be a chance to get better and eventually enjoy life, if you allow this part of you who wants to live to help you to get out of your current situation. Feeling bad for so long and trying to ignore everything must have been really hard. Maybe things can improve, if you have people who you can talk to about how you feel, in my experience that can make a big difference.
And if you really can't find a way to get better despite trying you might still feel good about at least trying to improve your situation, if you eventually decide to give up and ctb.

 

[Hollowman]

There's lot's of people that are too far gone. I'm one of them.

 

[suicidalalcoholic]

I relate to what you are feeling a lot and I'm sorry it has to be this way for you, but we're still young, you especially, and maybe there's still hope for sth good to happen, sth to change for the better. At least it's nice to think that

Maybe it can get better yeah. I personally do not think anymore that it will. I don't have the will to live on to find out anymore either or the will to live on till it does get better. Losing memories would be nice, i wish i couldn't remember anything. Maybe ill be better then. I'm actively getting worse day by day. I didn't think this was possible but i am getting noticeably worse day by day.

I don't know the quality of mental health care in your country. But if you have a chance to find a psychiatrist who can do proper diagnosis first it might help you to find a way to deal with your issues. Not all mental health conditions require you to take medication. Some mental illnesses can just as well or even better be treated with psychotherapy. So I think it is important to find out what's wrong with you first. And then take steps from there. Even if you don't decide to get treatment after being diagnosed it might still help you in the way that you can search for information about your mental illness and look for self help resources. When speaking to a psychiatrist or other health care worker I recommend you not to mention you have actual plans for ctb. It is usually ok to say that you have suicidal ideation, but you should make it clear that you don't have any concrete ctb plans yet and don't actually want to die or provide reasons why you think you want to continue living, in order to ensure you are not involuntarily commited to a psych ward. Although the exact laws vary by country, typically someone has to be a danger to oneself or others in order to justify treatment against someone's will.
I also doubt it is a good idea to suppress the part of you who wants to live. Not because I say you should live, if you really don't want to. But there might still be a chance to get better and eventually enjoy life, if you allow this part of you who wants to live to help you to get out of your current situation. Feeling bad for so long and trying to ignore everything must have been really hard. Maybe things can improve, if you have people who you can talk to about how you feel, in my experience that can make a big difference.
And if you really can't find a way to get better despite trying you might still feel good about at least trying to improve your situation, if you eventually decide to give up and ctb.

Getting both psychotherapy and getting a psychiatrist consultation is hard enough in my country. Lets just say the country has a lot of patients but no way near enough doctors so the wait lists can reach from a few weeks to 2-3 months. I don't know if i can make it that long. Ive already done a sort of impulsive attempt last night. I actually am in the waitlist for psychotherapy though but its been 2 weeks now, i don't know how long it will take but it will still make a couple more weeks. I have gotten a psychological assessment done though, but again this will also take a couple of weeks for the result lol

I also doubt it is a good idea to suppress the part of you who wants to live. Not because I say you should live, if you really don't want to. But there might still be a chance to get better and eventually enjoy life, if you allow this part of you who wants to live to help you to get out of your current situation. Feeling bad for so long and trying to ignore everything must have been really hard. Maybe things can improve, if you have people who you can talk to about how you feel, in my experience that can make a big difference.
And if you really can't find a way to get better despite trying you might still feel good about at least trying to improve your situation, if you eventually decide to give up and ctb.

Its hard to explain. I knew this day would come though. I tried warning my close friends about it, the past few weeks i felt like i was being consumed by something or my urges not sure what. I was afraid i would not want to live on in a couple of weeks and i would be fully consumed. I have reached that point. I really don't have the desire to live on anymore and thus i try suppressing any part of me that wants to live on. Before it felt like i wanted to live and i was trying to control my urges but now its the other way around. I don't know how i keep getting worse day by day. Ive tried for years but it genuinely does not get better. I know it might sound funny because im so young and you might think i have not seen anything yet but it really is that way.

There's lot's of people that are too far gone. I'm one of them.

What makes you think you are too far gone? How does one know if they are too far gone

 

[lastappleonearth]

Maybe it can get better yeah. I personally do not think anymore that it will. I don't have the will to live on to find out anymore either or the will to live on till it does get better. Losing memories would be nice, i wish i couldn't remember anything. Maybe ill be better then. I'm actively getting worse day by day. I didn't think this was possible but i am getting noticeably worse day by day

Honestly same, I wish I could forget a lot of things, but unfortunately I can't

Getting both psychotherapy and getting a psychiatrist consultation is hard enough in my country. Let's just say the country has a lot of patients but no way near enough doctors so the wait lists can reach from a few weeks to 2-3 months. I don't know if i can make it that long. Ive already done a sort of impulsive attempt last night. I actually am in the waitlist for psychotherapy though but it's been 2 weeks now, i don't know how long it will take but it will still make a couple more weeks. I have gotten a psychological assessment done though, but again this will also take a couple of weeks for the result lol

Same situation in my country tbh, so few psychiatrists and too many ppl who need help. If u find one who still takes in new patients, u can wait up to 6 months or mby even longer for your first appointment. Ofc if u know sb who knows sb it's easier, but I don't have those contacts. It sucks honestly

 

[suicidalalcoholic]

Same situation in my country tbh, so few psychiatrists and too many ppl who need help. If u find one who still takes in new patients, u can wait up to 6 months or mby even longer for your first appointment. Ofc if u know sb who knows sb it's easier, but I don't have those contacts. It sucks honestly

Wow i genuinely cannot comprehend waiting that long. Thats actually crazy lol. I unfortunately don't have such contacts either though ive heard that if you attempt CTB and survive, the government does step in and makes sure you get a slot immediately. But eh you might even be admitted in the ward at that point

 

[Hollowman]

Maybe it can get better yeah. I personally do not think anymore that it will. I don't have the will to live on to find out anymore either or the will to live on till it does get better. Losing memories would be nice, i wish i couldn't remember anything. Maybe ill be better then. I'm actively getting worse day by day. I didn't think this was possible but i am getting noticeably worse day by day.

Getting both psychotherapy and getting a psychiatrist consultation is hard enough in my country. Lets just say the country has a lot of patients but no way near enough doctors so the wait lists can reach from a few weeks to 2-3 months. I don't know if i can make it that long. Ive already done a sort of impulsive attempt last night. I actually am in the waitlist for psychotherapy though but its been 2 weeks now, i don't know how long it will take but it will still make a couple more weeks. I have gotten a psychological assessment done though, but again this will also take a couple of weeks for the result lol

Its hard to explain. I knew this day would come though. I tried warning my close friends about it, the past few weeks i felt like i was being consumed by something or my urges not sure what. I was afraid i would not want to live on in a couple of weeks and i would be fully consumed. I have reached that point. I really don't have the desire to live on anymore and thus i try suppressing any part of me that wants to live on. Before it felt like i wanted to live and i was trying to control my urges but now its the other way around. I don't know how i keep getting worse day by day. Ive tried for years but it genuinely does not get better. I know it might sound funny because im so young and you might think i have not seen anything yet but it really is that way.


What makes you think you are too far gone? How does one know if they are too far gone

I don't think I am I know...it's probably different for everyone.

 

[lastappleonearth]

Wow i genuinely cannot comprehend waiting that long. Thats actually crazy lol. I unfortunately don't have such contacts either though ive heard that if you attempt CTB and survive, the government does step in and makes sure you get a slot immediately. But eh you might even be admitted in the ward at that point

Yea it's insane I know, so far I get my prescriptions from my general practitioner, but it's not ideal at all. I mean sure, if u attempt ctb, then they have to step in and commit u to a ward I guess. I wish psychological help was more accessible