Venting Calculating myself into planning on ending things

[chadguana42069]

For a little context, I've been contemplating how to peacefully end my life for a long time, almost half my entire life. But I made not head way into what to do about it until joining this forum.

I was writing in my notebook tonight about emotional insecurity because I just learned something about it from a YouTube video. Essentially, a lot of the results of emotional insecurity are needing to be appreciated/reassured all the time, and that gets in the way of relationships, which gets in the way of success. I've been so emotionally insecure for so long that I didn't even realize it until the last few years or so. I'm almost 30, which depresses me, because I already have debilitating health problems that make my quality of life difficult to bear. And, in light of all that, I keep hearing that you need to have emotional security to have any kind of success. So, I figure, if I'm extremely emotionally insecure, and it's going to be hard to work towards emotional security and success, especially with the health problems I have, then I should find a way to end my life in a few months.

And thinking that has filled me with a lot of peace. I look forward to planning my days, and only doing what i really want to do with my last moments. I look forward to talking to what people I can for the last time if and when I can. I look forward to not having to deal with these thoughts and problems of my mind and body anymore. And I look forward to actually feeling like my moments have value, because I can make them precious again.

I apologize for how this may come off or if this isn't the appropriate place for this. I just have nobody to say this to that won't try to shame me or convince me out of it. Thank you if you read this/allowed this here!

 

[Mr2005]

Really what matters is how you feel about you. Loads of people are emotionally insecure or they wouldn't be going out of their way to please to the point even they don't know who they are, they need someone to tell them and when it all hinges on that you're playing Russian roulette

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you enjoy your last moments. I think many people feel more at peace when they are certain about their decision. I also look forward to non existence and not having to deal with my thoughts anymore. Death is very comforting to me. I hope you find what you are looking for.