Venting broke my sobriety

[Moniker]

I voluntarily stayed away from alcohol for about half a year. I don't think I was ever an alcoholic, but getting drunk is like an alternative to cutting in my mind. It didn't hurt though. I felt better when I did it. It's kind of unhealthy so I stopped.

I'm so tired. I don't care what happens to me. I'm too scared to kill myself. I didn't ever fail any of my attempts. I just backed out of them. I'm too much of a pussy to buy a shotgun and use it. I'm too stupid to set up a hanging attempt. I'm gonna back out if I get SN.

I just want to lie in bed forever. I can't even self harm right. I'm probably only doing this to convince myself I have a problem when I don't.

 

[CynicalCyanide]

Well that was an honest post and I respect that. I really wish the best for you. What do you mean with

too stupid to set up a hanging attempt

?

 

[Mooncry]

I understand that. I back out every time too. It's rough…

 

[SVEN]

All I can really do is genuinely wish you well, however things work out. Be kind to yourself.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I can identify.

 

[22yearsbroken]

I struggle with mine wven tbough alcohol has left me broken.. .entally and physically bone diseases on half of my liver is actually functio i g and that struggles ive gone past the point of rapair so my time is limited ... its ot a nice tbing to go through ... i was nearly in pallative care at one point and thw only chance i qould have is a transplant now but due to all the other brroken things especially my mental state at times that wont happen... i have also made the xhoice to decline a new liver evwn if i am offered one as i dont belive i would treat it with the respect it deserves and i would rather the liver went to someone younger than me who will live a full and happy life ... i just dont deserve it...

I can really relate to the struggles of staying sober..are tou recieving any support with things have you tried the rooms i know they arent for everyone i wasnt a fan but it did help as at least a first step...

 

[Moniker]

Well that was an honest post and I respect that. I really wish the best for you. What do you mean with

?

I was a bit out of it when I wrote all of that, but I'm pretty sure I was referring to how I've never correctly tied a noose during my previous attempts. I used belts and neck ties that definitely weren't tied right.

I struggle with mine wven tbough alcohol has left me broken.. .entally and physically bone diseases on half of my liver is actually functio i g and that struggles ive gone past the point of rapair so my time is limited ... its ot a nice tbing to go through ... i was nearly in pallative care at one point and thw only chance i qould have is a transplant now but due to all the other brroken things especially my mental state at times that wont happen... i have also made the xhoice to decline a new liver evwn if i am offered one as i dont belive i would treat it with the respect it deserves and i would rather the liver went to someone younger than me who will live a full and happy life ... i just dont deserve it...

I can really relate to the struggles of staying sober..are tou recieving any support with things have you tried the rooms i know they arent for everyone i wasnt a fan but it did help as at least a first step...

Thanks for sharing. It gave a lot for me to think about. I sometimes weigh if the health problems I'll run into even matter if I want to ctb at some point anyway. There's always questions about if I change my mind about my life. Sometimes I also wonder if I should wait a few years before indulging in these sorts of things. There's a good chance I could be in law school in a year or so.

Outside of this forum, nobody knows about my relationship with drinking, but I've stayed sober since making my original post. For now, things seem totally under control.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I just had a slip myself recently with fent (you can find it in my posts) — it takes a lot of will power to halt that shit in its track but I believe in you. no one irl knew I relapsed either. but I was very supported here and I hope you feel that same love and care. we're here for you

here if you want to talk xx

 

[22yearsbroken]

I was a bit out of it when I wrote all of that, but I'm pretty sure I was referring to how I've never correctly tied a noose during my previous attempts. I used belts and neck ties that definitely weren't tied right.



Thanks for sharing. It gave a lot for me to think about. I sometimes weigh if the health problems I'll run into even matter if I want to ctb at some point anyway. There's always questions about if I change my mind about my life. Sometimes I also wonder if I should wait a few years before indulging in these sorts of things. There's a good chance I could be in law school in a year or so.

Outside of this forum, nobody knows about my relationship with drinking, but I've stayed sober since making my original post. For now, things seem totally under control.

Its just about takjng each day as it comes ..journalling i find can be really good doesnt have to be a full run down of each day... just things that made you smile and those things that didnt.. you can then learn to avoid certain triggers that could cause any slips...always here if you ever need an ear to bend .

 

[Pale_Rider]

Me too. I was sober since yesterday.