BPD and the struggle for Self-Love

[mutsu]

BPD, in accordance with its symptoms, is commonly said to make affection part of the basic needs of survival and god have i never felt that more, i feel like i lower myself and my standards and do things i normally would never do for the purposes of affection and it makes me feel like the worst person on this earth

people say that in order to "get better" you have to learn to love yourself but that feels fucking impossible to do

i've struggled with splitting all my life and at a very young age (around the 3rd grade) i struggled with being easily upset at others and it often caused me to have little to no friends, when i moved schools i decided that i wanted to stop getting angry at people for the smallest things and that anytime i was angry at anyone id instead be angry at myself for thinking like that

that cycle continued and still continues until now and i feel like all those years of self hatred really left a toll on me and i dont know if i am ever going to be able to love myself at all

in return people lable me as the kindest person theyve ever met but it feels like in being kind i am giving up myself and all my
connections to people feel so superficial at times

im starting to think that this bratty puppy disorder is no joke,,, (sarcasm)

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Bratty puppy disorder.
Sounds cute

 

[Defenestration]

Good luck i have bpd and its difficult

 

[BPDTalk]

It's not easy, but we have to be honest about how we feel.