Bpd and no friends.

[onlyusefulwhenused]

Friends don't talk to me much…unless I get used as a therapist. I'm not invited to functions bc I'm an embarrassment.

Eventually my bpd comes out and I harm myself. The mental pain becomes so agonizing…like a burning agonizing pain, that I want to cut to feel actual pain.

Ik it's selfish and horrid to say, but I just want to kill myself to show people how I really hurt. I hate seeing happy people. I hate being alienated. It's not fair I cannot get assisted suicide, to die without pain, from this terrible agonizing mental illness that is bpd.

i just want to reject others. I wish I didn't let people in. I wish I was alone. I try to desensitize myself, just so I can't feel anything. I already feel halfway there, i do not have the same amount of empathy as I used to…

Plus, still no job. College was a fucking waste. I wanted to do something with myself…make money for my family, but just dead ends…like always. I'm not good enough for no one.

 

[Upon a hanging Body]

I'm so nice and understanding to others, I help so many people but I can't ever help myself.
Bpd is horrible and I wish I died so long ago

 

[ValkyrieCain]

Bpd has thrown my life off balance, no friends here too, dropped out of university after two years, cut off from family, isolated , no one to talk too. Basically 0 motivation to do anything even use the toilet. Constant indecisiveness. I just dont know what to do atp. Im planning my way out.

 

[Undertow Mermaid]

BPD has ruined my life. I don't have friends outside a few online ones I play video games with, and even then I'll go days or weeks without a notification and they'll all hang with each other without me.

I finally stopped self harming last year and have been put on mood stabilizers. Haven't really noticed any difference though, I think about suicide less? I guess? Still get really depressed though or really angry.

BPD is literal pain. And the most fucked part is the most common cause is trauma in childhood. Born just to suffer.

 

[003]

BPD truly is a mental hell. Those who don't have it will never understand the agonizing pain BPD can create. As selfish as it is, I too hate seeing people happy. Because why can't I experience that as well? Why are they happy and no matter what I do, I always end up alone and sad? Regarding friends, I understand what it feels like. They're not around unless you're not there first. I wish I could say things get better but that would be hypocritical. I wish you luck in whatever you pursue.

 

[onlyusefulwhenused]

BPD truly is a mental hell. Those who don't have it will never understand the agonizing pain BPD can create. As selfish as it is, I too hate seeing people happy. Because why can't I experience that as well? Why are they happy and no matter what I do, I always end up alone and sad? Regarding friends, I understand what it feels like. They're not around unless you're not there first. I wish I could say things get better but that would be hypocritical. I wish you luck in whatever you pursue.

Honestly, it does not get better. My bpd has "mellowed" out with age but inside, I'm still that angry little girl who is alone.

I hate how ppl on forums talk about individuals with bpd. It makes me feel so fucked. Like them saying bpd ppl shouldn't reproduce…when I already have (but would never n haven't taken my rage out on my children).

I try medication, it only helps with my ocd.

I just wish who critized others with bpd, could try living with it…they wouldn't make it a day. Constant suicidal thoughts n feelings of pain.

Family n friends do not understand…even though I've sent many different articles but I know they don't read it. "Just stop it and grow up."

I've never felt like a grown up…just a child trapped in a woman's body. I just wish ppl would understand the shit they say n do to me hurts me to an extreme.

 

[northmigration]

i have bpd too and it's awful. im sorry you are suffering, you can dm me if you need someone who understands

 

[Bruce]

I don't have it, I don't know anyone who has it in the physical world, I don't know much about it, I can't claim I understand it, I don't. But I see that you're suferring and I'm so so sorry this is happening to you. I would hug each and every one of you if I could.

 

[DoneWithThisLife]

I just wish who critized others with bpd, could try living with it…they wouldn't make it a day. Constant suicidal thoughts n feelings of pain.

I have lived with BPD since early childhood but was only diagnosed aged 50. The diagnosis made my whole crappy life make complete sense! I wouldn't want to wish BPD on my worst enemy.

 

[petiterat]

I haven't been diagnosed due to the overlapping symptoms with C-PTSD and ASD, but it's been bought up and is on the table. Regardless, the way I feel is truly agnonising. It's a different pain. I nearly died from liver failure. It was a slow process that took months and it doesn't compare. No way. I'd do it all over again multiple times if it meant I would stop feeling like this. I'm sorry that everyone here relates.

I hate how ppl on forums talk about individuals with bpd. It makes me feel so fucked. Like them saying bpd ppl shouldn't reproduce…when I already have (but would never n haven't taken my rage out on my children).

I try medication, it only helps with my ocd.

I just wish who critized others with bpd, could try living with it…they wouldn't make it a day. Constant suicidal thoughts n feelings of pain.

Family n friends do not understand…even though I've sent many different articles but I know they don't read it. "Just stop it and grow up."

I've never felt like a grown up…just a child trapped in a woman's body. I just wish ppl would understand the shit they say n do to me hurts me to an extreme.

I know what you mean when you say you feel like a child. Everyone's getting jobs and partners, but I'm still hot and fiery and immature. I can't picture myself as an adult at all.

 

[L'absent]

If only I had known that my partner was suffering from this disorder, I would have done everything I could to help him. But no one told me anything, and no therapist ever made the correct diagnosis. I noticed his strange behaviors, but I couldn't understand where they were coming from. I tried to talk to him about it, but his explanations were always so unclear. Sometimes, I even thought he was making fun of me. No psychotherapist helped me understand the situation until it became fatal. But I would have never given up on him, despite all his psychopathologies.
Now it's too late. Too late for everything. There's nothing I can do to change the past, nothing. And that's the only thing in life that makes me feel guilty. He told me multiple times that he needed help, but he couldn't explain what was really going on. He didn't even know he had this disorder. And the psychotherapists he talked to kept misdiagnosing him, labeling his problem as narcissistic personality disorder, when it was something completely different.

 

[onlyusefulwhenused]

If only I had known that my partner was suffering from this disorder, I would have done everything I could to help him. But no one told me anything, and no therapist ever made the correct diagnosis. I noticed his strange behaviors, but I couldn't understand where they were coming from. I tried to talk to him about it, but his explanations were always so unclear. Sometimes, I even thought he was making fun of me. No psychotherapist helped me understand the situation until it became fatal. But I would have never given up on him, despite all his psychopathologies.
Now it's too late. Too late for everything. There's nothing I can do to change the past, nothing. And that's the only thing in life that makes me feel guilty. He told me multiple times that he needed help, but he couldn't explain what was really going on. He didn't even know he had this disorder. And the psychotherapists he talked to kept misdiagnosing him, labeling his problem as narcissistic personality disorder, when it was something completely different.

With bpd it's so hard cuz all the personality disorders can share the similar characteristics.

I think my bpd overlaps a bit with schizoid, avoidant and antisocial personality.

Wish bpd was more understood to psychiatrists :/ there's no treatment but I suppose meds did help. It made more sense when I was officially diagnosed (my therapist was the first one to ever notice).

Just feel like most health professionals will give up bc it can't be treated with meds. I'm sorry that happened in your life. Bpd is one of the worst things in life (to me). I'll never be understood. Not even by loved ones.

It's something I just try to work on…which has led me to bottling up every emotion I feel. To this point, I just feel apathetic n have trouble feeling empathy n showing emotion out of fear.

 

[petiterat]

With bpd it's so hard cuz all the personality disorders can share the similar characteristics.

I think my bpd overlaps a bit with schizoid, avoidant and antisocial personality.

Wish bpd was more understood to psychiatrists :/ there's no treatment but I suppose meds did help. It made more sense when I was officially diagnosed (my therapist was the first one to ever notice).

Just feel like most health professionals will give up bc it can't be treated with meds. I'm sorry that happened in your life. Bpd is one of the worst things in life (to me). I'll never be understood. Not even by loved ones.

It's something I just try to work on…which has led me to bottling up every emotion I feel. To this point, I just feel apathetic n have trouble feeling empathy n showing emotion out of fear.

I've been on meds since I was 12 and nothing's worked hah. Therapy is nice as I have an outlet, but it hasn't helped as much as it should. Oh well. I take it as my sign to leave.

My psychologist really was pushing for a diagnosis but my psychiatrist doesn't agree. I'm going to keep pushing though. If I do get diagnosed, I agree, it'll have been the worse thing that I've had to deal with. I'm sorry that you're struggling so much.

I'm the same. I can't remember the last time I cried. It makes me feel so yucky, bottling up everything.