Booked a hotel room for Thursday

[Journeytoletgo]

This is my 3rd attempt

 

[t87]

What's your plan

 

[deletednumber]

Oh...May you find the peace that you desearve

 

[Micheal64]

Three times the same method?

 

[Journeytoletgo]

If I can't live for myself then I don't want to live anymore I been in pain long enough I'm tired of being in pain. I'm scared but I have to stop being a coward
I wish I wasn't so selfish but I'm numb and in pain I can't take it anymore
I wish I wasn't so selfish especially since losing my mom

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that it has come to this. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[AlexKy]

I hope all goes to plan OP, but if it doesn't don't forget we're here for you, even if your in pieces, we'll try to put you back together.

 

[Of The Universe]

If I can't live for myself then I don't want to live anymore I been in pain long enough I'm tired of being in pain. I'm scared but I have to stop being a coward
I wish I wasn't so selfish but I'm numb and in pain I can't take it anymore
I wish I wasn't so selfish especially since losing my mom

We all lose our mothers and well,most of us,are heartbroken like you. It doesn't mean you can't make A decent life for yourself.
But of course its your choice to make!

 

[myopybyproxy]

i hope you find the peace you seek

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I hope you find peace.

 

[Foresight]

I'm sorry Journey, I wish you well.

 

[Graytaichi]

What methods are u using

 

[katagiri83]

I'm scared but I have to stop being a coward

Maybe you're considering & deliberating on your decision, not exactly cowardice. Try not to be too harsh on oneself. CTB is quite an absolute act.

 

[Someone123]

If I can't live for myself then I don't want to live anymore I been in pain long enough I'm tired of being in pain. I'm scared but I have to stop being a coward
I wish I wasn't so selfish but I'm numb and in pain I can't take it anymore
I wish I wasn't so selfish especially since losing my mom

You are not selfish at all for wanting the pain to stop.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

If I can't live for myself then I don't want to live anymore I been in pain long enough I'm tired of being in pain. I'm scared but I have to stop being a coward
I wish I wasn't so selfish but I'm numb and in pain I can't take it anymore
I wish I wasn't so selfish especially since losing my mom

I am sorry it has come to this and you are in so much pain. Just want to say that it is not selfish or cowardly at all. Ctb is very hard and even paralysing. Whatever you decide to do, hope you find peace that you desired.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

We all lose our mothers and well,most of us,are heartbroken like you. It doesn't mean you can't make A decent life for yourself.
But of course its your choice to make!

Yeah it's sad and that's true we are born to die. Not when I been feeling like shit for 13-14 years with awful experiences I don't want to live with
I can't feel anything anymore and I hate it if I can't feel I need to go, I wish I did in HS or my heartbreak when I was still able to feel

 

[katagiri83]

I can't feel anything anymore and I hate it if I can't feel I need to go, I wish I did in HS or my heartbreak when I was still able to feel

@Journeytoletgo , that gnawing dread of apathy is hedious & sad. At the same time, it almost seems like a natural defense mechanism / deficits of our mind when the excessive sadness & pathos in life are too much to bear. Take care.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

This is the end everyone this is my 3rd and final attempt to liberate myself
From a future of poverty, social isolation, and disease as I am ruined by alcohol abuse, citalopram, accutane, skin disease and horrible experiences. I'm locking my account I wish you all the best whatever your choice

Goodbye everyone

 

[Ticket 2 Heaven]

Take it easy. Find peace you deserve.

 

[Foresight]

Much love and comfort to you Journey. Well wishes whatever happens.

 

[TheWood]

I hope you'll find peace for yourself whatever the final outcome

 

[katagiri83]

Wish you well in whichever decision you'll make, it's always very sad when life brought us to such a state . On the other hand, I do hope you've considered other viable options, there's no shame if you decide it's not time yet.

 

[Niirvana]

I know what feel lost a mum. Ok now im sad. Tell us, what is your plan?

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I know what feel lost a mum. Ok now im sad. Tell us, what is your plan?

Currently In hotel room for 2 nights the plan is to drink SN tonight I have two drinks made in case of failure I must succeed and not fail. I have a do not disturb sign placed on door. Scheduled my email requests and wrote up directions to the police and coroner by my bed side in the hotel currently smoking weed to relax and drinking water

I wrote up 50 pages to my dad and mom on my reasons, although my mom passed. I want peace and no pain

Three times the same method?

Yes

What methods are u using

Sodium nitrite

 

[Al Cappella]

I don't know you--but wish you peace and comfort and a better place.

 

[katagiri83]

@Journeytoletgo , how are you coping today?

 

[Journeytoletgo]

@Journeytoletgo , how are you coping today?

I feel okay and ready to be released. Wbu? Took my meto preparing for SN

 

[katagiri83]

I feel okay and ready to be released. Wbu? Took me meto preparing for SN

I'm so-so, thanks for asking. It sounds like you are very resolute…

if you have anything else that you'd like to chat about, you're welcome anytime. I've seen some of your older posts, can understand how much pain you've been dealing with; I can also see that you're a very considerate & kind person. Having said that, if there's any doubt or questions, take as much time as needed for yourself (I'm pro-choice & do not mean to sound like virtue-signaling).

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Godspeed. I hope you can be free from suffering soon.

We're here for you.

 

[carredan81]

How did you fail the other times?