Being defined by things outside of my control.(my experience growing up orthodox jewish)

[Lou_Charthethird]

i cant fit in to the religious community i grew up in because they were super fucked up and i chose not to be as disgusting as them, but i also cant fit into the outside world due to my background in said religious community. A lot of People in the world are just super antisemtic sadly which sucks to say because thats what i was told growing up as well. Ive been verbally accosted for being jewish, told to "slit my throat and jump off a bridge", ive had to endure all the shit in the media about how awful jewish people are(kanye for example) and overall it just makes me feel sick for being from where im from. People also think that zionist = jewish which just titles me as a piece of shit against my will. Even the people from where i come from think that being jewish expressly means you are a zionist, and ive been bombarded with zionist, anti lgbtq, and ultra right wing propaganda ever since i was born.They are super hateful and bigoted and sheltered me from the outside world so i cant even fit in if i tried. I have no friends and no experience with normal people. Im forced to live with scum who believe bigotry and racism is justified since we are a superior race, and i cant leave if i tried bec the outside world hates me as well. Im stuck with no choice but to die. I never chose to be this way.

Its so satisfying to say that we arent bound by things out of our control, but the truth is that life is a game of luck.

I tried to keep this brief, but its a lot worse than i made it out to be, i just painted with broad strokes.

 

[MrsT-800]

Hiya, good evening. I'm sorry about this... I hear you. I can't offer much than that, since I am Catholic; but I do hear you. It must feel particularly crushing to be the receiver of such harshness, just for existing and believing, mostly within your own group. How sad it is indeed that we cannot simply let others be so long as they are not doing anything wrong.

If it is any consolation, I, myself, and most Catholics, as far as I know – personally, I don't mess with online – greatly admire Jewish people. You were the chosen people, in our minds; and Jesus himself, who we see as God, was Jewish. It's like you're in on all the stuff I had to grow up learning haha. It is a religion rich with tradition and history and culture – and also suffering, sadly; but, I hope that will be consolation also. The Jewish people have endured so much, and their strength is admirable. I wonder about martyrs a lot. It almost seems like to exist, Jewish, is an act of saying, "I don't care what you think, I will be me" – in which case, and in any, please keep living, you are doing well

 

[Lou_Charthethird]

Hiya, good evening. I'm sorry about this... I hear you. I can't offer much than that, since I am Catholic; but I do hear you. It must feel particularly crushing to be the receiver of such harshness, just for existing and believing, mostly within your own group. How sad it is indeed that we cannot simply let others be so long as they are not doing anything wrong.

If it is any consolation, I, myself, and most Catholics, as far as I know – personally, I don't mess with online – greatly admire Jewish people. You were the chosen people, in our minds; and Jesus himself, who we see as God, was Jewish. It's like you're in on all the stuff I had to grow up learning haha. It is a religion rich with tradition and history and culture – and also suffering, sadly; but, I hope that will be consolation also. The Jewish people have endured so much, and their strength is admirable. I wonder about martyrs a lot. It almost seems like to exist, Jewish, is an act of saying, "I don't care what you think, I will be me" – in which case, and in any, please keep living, you are doing well

I dont want to be admired. I dont want to be different because im jewish i just want to be normal. Sorry

 

[rainy.tears]

hey there, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's horrible that people want to define who you are just because of the group you were born into. I'm sorry you've been subjected to so much hate and antisemitism as well as all the conditioning and propaganda within the community you were born into.

While there is antisemitism in the world, there are also very many people (the vast majority) who don't care that you're Jewish and will recognise you for the unique individual that you are. I really hope you are able to find a way to connect with people outside your community. I don't want to minimise the risk of antisemitism and of course it depends where you live, but the Jewish people I know have all told me that they face very minimal antisemitism in their daily lives. Generally they are able to pass as white and so people only know they are Jewish if they choose to tell them, which gives them the safety to not disclose it in environments where there may be more risk.

There are also lots of Jewish groups who are antizionist and are pro-LGBTQ and leftist (as I'm sure you know) where you could perhaps connect to people who understand the struggles of being brought up in a conservative religious environment.

Do you know the sub-reddit Jews of Conscience? Perhaps you could post there to see if you can find people who live near you or otherwise people online who you can connect with to talk about your experiences. I have a friend who grew up in a strict orthodox Jewish family and now lives outside that community with many friends (he's also gay and dating someone from a Muslim background). I really believe it's possible to get out if you have the right support and opportunities. I really hope you'll be able to do that if it's what you want.

 

[AnonymousCat1]

Oof that's rough. Anti-semitism is so fucked up. Big hugs