Being asked to cover up sh scars

[I Me & Myself]

To start off. I am not insecure about my self harm scars. I think they are kind of cool. I do not like self harm tho, it's something I struggle to control (but I am getting a lot better!) : Dermatillomania.

Aka compulsive scratching of skin/wounds/around hair follicles

I just got discharged from the psychiatry today (yay!) and since my stay there was very stressful and I had nothing to do 90% of the time my Dermatillomania flared up. The staff helped me manage it.

Now, my legs are a battlefield of scars and still healing wounds. I do not mind that. I am not insecure about it (atp am I trying to convince you, or myself?)

Anyway my flatmate knows this. He has visited me in the psychiatry before and seen this.

Today, we talked at home. And he asked me if I can wear long pants at home. I said yes, of course.

Now, he is not mentally in a good place either and I totally understand the discomfort/trigger my scars present to him. And yet, I fear, it's the one push towards me becoming insecure of this.... The fact that my body can make someone worse from just looking at it.

Further context: I wear shorts 24/7 all year round even on the coldest days of winter which go to around -15°C. I love wearing shorts. I own exactly one pair of long pants, and those are sweat pants because certain bedsheets are a Sensory nihtmare for me so I use them to sleep.

I'm not upset at him. I'm upset at the situation and I can feel it messing with my head....

I won't be home for a bit after tomorrow. 1½ weeks, to be precise. And at some part I am gonna move to a group home. But it's just messing with my head.

I don't mind wearing long pants! I like my sweats. And yet. Ugh. It's like, when you normally do something by yourself but then someone asks you to do it and then you can't do it anymore.

 

[tonicer]

Sounds like your flatmate likes you and doesn't want to be remembered all the time that you harm yourself. Kinda sweet in my opinion. I wish i had someone besides my mother who looks out for me. If i would see a good friends scars all the time it would make me feel unwell too.

 

[BearTreadingWater]

I don't have any helpful advice to offer, i know things can be even more frustrating when you're clearly seeing it from your flatmate's perspecrive too.

Just wanted to say hi from someone else who wears shorts 24/7 outside but sweat pants to bed. Nobody else seems to understand it!

I hope you and your flatmate voth find a way to live comfortably without this affecting either of you

 

[I Me & Myself]

Sounds like your flatmate likes you and doesn't want to be remembered all the time that you harm yourself. Kinda sweet in my opinion. I wish i had someone besides my mother who looks out for me. If i would see a good friends scars all the time it would make me feel unwell too.

To be honest I wouldn't call us friends - But maybe that's just me not liking attachments. He annoys me to no end (he doesn't clean up after himself and keeps complaining I 'smell weird', is not very responsible with money and keeps telling me (a trans person) how much he loves a woman that is a good mother and he'll only ever be attracted to that) but he is a person.

He's was genuinely well intentioned when visiting me and I appreciated it greatly. I no doubt know he is affected my seeing my scars all the time. And i will honor his wish to wear long pants.

I guess I just... needed an outlet.

I wouldn't call this sweet of him; and I'm sorry if I came off defensive or even aggressive. But I do appreciate your input. No matter why, he does care because it affects him in some way and I appreciate he spoke up about it at all.

I don't have any helpful advice to offer, i know things can be even more frustrating when you're clearly seeing it from your flatmate's perspecrive too.

Just wanted to say hi from someone else who wears shorts 24/7 outside but sweat pants to bed. Nobody else seems to understand it!

I hope you and your flatmate voth find a way to live comfortably without this affecting either of you

ayyyy that's cool :] Gotta love shorts, at least we get each other.

I'm sure we'll find a way. Especially considering we will only live together for half a year more at most.

 

[tonicer]

To be honest I wouldn't call us friends - But maybe that's just me not liking attachments. He annoys me to no end (he doesn't clean up after himself and keeps complaining I 'smell weird', is not very responsible with money and keeps telling me (a trans person) how much he loves a woman that is a good mother and he'll only ever be attracted to that) but he is a person.

He's was genuinely well intentioned when visiting me and I appreciated it greatly. I no doubt know he is affected my seeing my scars all the time. And i will honor his wish to wear long pants.

I guess I just... needed an outlet.

I wouldn't call this sweet of him; and I'm sorry if I came off defensive or even aggressive. But I do appreciate your input. No matter why, he does care because it affects him in some way and I appreciate he spoke up about it at all.

You don't have to be friends to care for each other. I don't really understand the trans thing myself (even though i always wished to be born as a woman because i think life is easier as a woman but with recent changes to the demographic in my country women are in high danger when they leave their home) but if i live with someone i feel the need to be as helpful as possible. He seems like that kind of person.

The "weird smell" might be because he still sees you as a man and because you transitioned you body odor might be more like a woman's and he is confused about it?!

If he didn't like you he wouldn't have visited you in the psychiatry but i don't know much about him and can only judge him on what you wrote about him.

I also think that since i rarely get anything positive or even compliments from people (except my mom i got 4 in 43 years with 2 coming from women) i called his visit to you sweet because i can't fathom anyone doing something like that for me. If my mom wasn't around anymore and i had to stay in a psychiatry for a while nobody would visit me or call me. The people i know would let me rot there.

 

[Dot]

To start off. I am not insecure about my self harm scars. I think they are kind of cool. I do not like self harm tho, it's something I struggle to control (but I am getting a lot better!) : Dermatillomania.

Aka compulsive scratching of skin/wounds/around hair follicles

I just got discharged from the psychiatry today (yay!) and since my stay there was very stressful and I had nothing to do 90% of the time my Dermatillomania flared up. The staff helped me manage it.

Now, my legs are a battlefield of scars and still healing wounds. I do not mind that. I am not insecure about it (atp am I trying to convince you, or myself?)

Anyway my flatmate knows this. He has visited me in the psychiatry before and seen this.

Today, we talked at home. And he asked me if I can wear long pants at home. I said yes, of course.

Now, he is not mentally in a good place either and I totally understand the discomfort/trigger my scars present to him. And yet, I fear, it's the one push towards me becoming insecure of this.... The fact that my body can make someone worse from just looking at it.

Further context: I wear shorts 24/7 all year round even on the coldest days of winter which go to around -15°C. I love wearing shorts. I own exactly one pair of long pants, and those are sweat pants because certain bedsheets are a Sensory nihtmare for me so I use them to sleep.

I'm not upset at him. I'm upset at the situation and I can feel it messing with my head....

I won't be home for a bit after tomorrow. 1½ weeks, to be precise. And at some part I am gonna move to a group home. But it's just messing with my head.

I don't mind wearing long pants! I like my sweats. And yet. Ugh. It's like, when you normally do something by yourself but then someone asks you to do it and then you can't do it anymore.

Ds tht persn also strggle wth thghts of SH

If thy strggle wth SH thn = cn b lke an alcohlc livng wth visble alcohl in th/ hme

S/ nt abt u havng 2 b inscure - jst havhg smethng visble tht thy r tryn2 avd in thmslves

 

[I Me & Myself]

I don't really understand the trans thing myself

Well, I actually transitioned to male.... So he's making comments about how he loves fertile women to someone wanting nothing more than a hysterectomy. I don't think he's ill intentioned, I think he's just tone deaf.

If he didn't like you he wouldn't have visited you in the psychiatry but i don't know much about him and can only judge him on what you wrote about him.

I don't believe he doesn't care - But I fear our relationship is somewhat complex in a way the only times he interacts with me is when it benefits him. And it did Benefit him to visit him. He needed someone to talk to, needed someone to play table tennis with. Doesn't matter tho, because it benefited me too! And I do truly appreciate it.

Ds tht persn also strggle wth thghts of SH

As far as I know, no. But I know he has pretty severe anxiety that has made a comeback during semester break to a point it affects his ability to partake in university. But thankfully he student councellour found a way to make it more bearable for him. Doesn't mean he's cured tho.

-----

Like I said. I'll oblige his wish I just... I let other people influence me way too much and am getting a bit insecure due to his request. Because what if someone who Passes by me on the street feels the same? Should I just. . ... stop wearing shorts?

I bought some bandaids for the still healing parts and big scars for now....

 

[Dot]

Like I said. I'll oblige his wish I just... I let other people influence me way too much and am getting a bit insecure due to his request. Because what if someone who Passes by me on the street feels the same? Should I just. . ... stop wearing shorts?

I bought some bandaids for the still healing parts and big scars for now....

Thnk strangr on strt = diffrnt frm sme1 wh/ = livng wth u & hs bn spportng u thru ur strggles

D/ nt fl ashamd of ur scrs - thnk thre r jst smetmes comprmses whn livng & sharng persnl spce wth sme1 smetmes

Othrwse jst kt doin wht mkes u comfrtble

 

[tonicer]

Well, I actually transitioned to male.... So he's making comments about how he loves fertile women to someone wanting nothing more than a hysterectomy. I don't think he's ill intentioned, I think he's just tone deaf.

Oh that changes things. Did he knew you before? Maybe he was somewhat in love with you and misses the female you?! I mean you are still you just your body looks different now. Your personality should still be the same, right? Again i don't know much about transitioning and stuff, sorry about my ignorance.

I don't believe he doesn't care - But I fear our relationship is somewhat complex in a way the only times he interacts with me is when it benefits him. And it did Benefit him to visit him. He needed someone to talk to, needed someone to play table tennis with. Doesn't matter tho, because it benefited me too! And I do truly appreciate it.

To be fair i don't know anyone who interacts with me if it doesn't benefit them, again the only exception is my mom who asks me if somethings wrong when i look sad or act weirdly but that should be normal mom things. ;)