Beating myself up over a mistake

[Water-Lily]

A few months ago I was having a bad moment. I didn't know how to properly express myself at the time and chose to deal with my feelings in one of the most fucked up ways. I lashed out at everyone within the public chat room. Asked for people to kill me and snapped at people. Leading to me being on the receiving end of justified backlash and was told off. I felt so angry and ashamed and attacked at the time I tried to cut myself that night. Would anyone be happy if killed myself? If I died for that horrible thing I did? I am so sorry. I wanted to get this off my chest for quite some time. My suicide will be wrapped up in pity, pain, sadness, revenge, manipulation, and overall an escape from pain

 

[whywere]

HI @SoloPlayer !!! 1st off I have BPD and I can be all over the place, happy to sad and lash out and then regret it. 2nd With that said, we are all HUMAN as far as making "learning experiences" , I never call them mistakes. Beating ones self up over past learning experiences over and over is like carring a backpack full of rocks, good for nothing. That is what I tell myself when I mess up and boy do I ever with my mouth sometimes becasue of the BPD. You are a GREAT family member with a great heart. I reread your post over and over and it was just so plain how you are a caring soul. I care for and about YOU and my wish is for you to have a sun filled day with alot less worries. Walter

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Have no regrets, at that moment it was exactly what you wanted to do. We're only human.

 

[WornOutLife]

I don't think anyone would be happy if you ctb. We (or most of us at least) will always try to help you somehow.

As for mistakes, don't worry. They are inevitable and people here know this better than anybody.

Just vent as much as you need.

Hope you have a nice day,

Matt

 

[justanotherstar]

We are all human and do things we regret, go easy on yourself. I know that's easier said than done but you don't deserve to die, no one wants that for you. From my experience here people always want to help if they can. Hope you can find a way to go easy on yourself