Venting Awareness of CTB makes SI kick in

[Chiisai]

I have been making solid plans and preparations already but as it becomes more real and achievable, more thoughts and feelings appear that pulls me to hesitate. I believe this is SI doing its work and the more I am aware of the success of CTB, the stronger SI parallels itself. Oh how I wish I could just unknowingly drink N or SN so that the hesitance wont present itself.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Do you have N? Wow. I have no clue how will I do It. I think I will just ctb with cold blood.

 

[Chiisai]

Do you have N? Wow. I have no clue how will I do It. I think I will just ctb with cold blood.

I said "wish". Haha

 

[fox_wannabe]

I said "wish". Haha

Damn I thought you were one of lucky ones.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, it is hard to take our lives as we are programmed to survive. It is what holds me back. I do wish it was easier to let go of life. I think I will only be able to overcome the SI once I reach a point of desperation. The thing that I want is to fall into an eternal sleep. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Chiisai]

I said "wish". Haha

Got SN though but again as stated in my previous posts, just been staring at it for almost a month now. The irony. I have been trying to CTB with unconventional methods because I know its low chances of success, but with having SN now, this got me hesitating.

Damn I thought you were one of lucky ones.