At what age did you have your first real suicidal thoughts?

[shootingsweetrolls]

For me personally, it was probably around 10 or 11, I think.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Damn, I only have them since this year.

 

[Maaizr]

since i was 15 or 16 so going on atleast 10 years now, it ebbs and flows but i always want to die

 

[ellieUK]

Hi, was from around 11, 12 for me

 

[Shadowplay]

What are 'real suicidal thoughts' as opposed to suicidal thoughts?

 

[Manaaja]

It was when I was in middle school when I first wanted and tried to ctb. I was 15-16.

 

[-FrozenRobot-]

since I was in 7th grade. I was 12 years old when I had my first suicidal thoughts.

 

[FailureGirl]

When I was 15.

 

[-FrozenRobot-]

What are 'real suicidal thoughts' as opposed to suicidal thoughts?

Maybe it means the time you started making actual plans to CTB? I'm not sure.

 

[Shadowplay]

Maybe it means the time you started making actual plans to CTB? I'm not sure.

Absolutely. Kinda what I was thinking.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I had intentions to commit suicide the first time in my life when I was 14 years old. I was a victim of intense buullying it permanently damaged me, that means the suicide ideation remained a part of my life ever since that happened. My parents didn't give a fuck. I'm sure many of my mental health disorders are a direct result of these events back then. That was 13 years ago, now I am 27 years old. I regret every day that passed since then, every day that I lived. I really wish I was capable of ending it back then but sadly, I had no access to ressources which led to years of unnecessary suffering.

 

[Stroopwafel.]

I've had passive suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager probably. Only at age 21/22 I really started to understand what I was going through and started to something with those thoughts.

 

[Tempest]

Passive suicidal ideation: since I was maybe 11/12. "Wouldn't it be nice to die," type of thoughts, but no weight to them. Serious suicidal ideation: since the pandemic hit, when I was 19/20.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

For me personally, it was probably around 10 or 11, I think.

Same time for me. First attempt at 11.

 

[Wojaczek]

Since i turned 21, so 5 years now, but now the urge to die is stronger than ever

 

[WatermelonMel]

12

 

[ClownMe]

Probably around 13, I first became depressed around 11/12 but never had any suicidal thoughts until I started high school and they have become more and more frequent since ive gotten older.

 

[Mental]

Around the age of eleven I tried to hang myself for the first time, that's when I started with suicidal thoughts.

 

[Naufrago]

I'm 53 today. Depression caught me when I was 33. Thoughts and attempts began four years ago...

 

[Mental]

I'm 53 today. Depression caught me when I was 33. Thoughts and attempts began four years ago...

I'm so sorry, it must be hard to have been like this for so many years. Are you going to a specialist? One question, do you speak Spanish?

 

[Nem]

Hugs all, been so long since I've been on here and hope everyone is having at least some relief from their private hell. First suicidal thoughts were when I was 17 and in very bad shape. If I knew then what I know now I'd have completed the job and saved myself a shitload of misery.
Happy birthday Naufrago

 

[Banshee]

I remember thinking it on my 8th birthday

 

[seaweaves]

I'm missing most of my memories before the age of twenty, mostly due to trauma, but I remember small moments that clearly have ideation or action in them where I must have been 8-13, and I know it's possible it was even before that due to the timing of some traumas.

In my thirties presently and so rather than think about time of onset too much I just reflect that it's been "decades", which is more meaningful to me than age (esp with memory loss where I can't quite relate to those earlier years)

 

[Depressed_Kettle]

I don't really know. A quick look at some of my old notes means it started before ~14 but I have a hunch I was depressed for most of my life especially after 10yo. So probably when I was 13.

 

[kurisutinabestgirl]

My story on this is actually super fucking lame, fuck me really.
When I was 12, I experienced lovesickness (crush didn't feel that way) like everyone else normally does. For some reason, (my bitchass was prolly attention seeking) my response to that sadness in my head was passive suicidal ideation. I switched schools after, and started having bad anxiety, whenever it appeared I had passive suicidal ideations. Tho, I wouldn't say I would've done actually doen the act.

Here I am later, now I actually have things to be suicidal because but I am still mainly a weakling, but it's actual active suicidal ideation now, I've got SN, and I am ready to leave if I really can't handle it anymore.

 

[victoria91]

About 11. It seems so young , well it is so young.
I self harmed in everyway possible for years and years and remember crying because I wanted to die so bad. I thought they were hormones but obviously , now I'm here 29 and feeling the same it was never that.

 

[seaweaves]

I'm 53 today. Depression caught me when I was 33. Thoughts and attempts began four years ago...

With (medicine and thus) society so preoccupied with preventative care and early support, too little attention goes toward suicidality and depression in older folks. Supportive thoughts to you; glad you're part of this community

 

[Idontmatter]

Around 17 and now the feelings are the strongest at 45

 

[Naufrago]

I'm so sorry, it must be hard to have been like this for so many years. Are you going to a specialist? One question, do you speak Spanish?

Thank you for your empathy. I've been dealing with a psychiatrist for 15 years, treatments with a lot of different medications, but I'm tired of feeling artificial.
I have the social, family and environmental factor that contributes to my mental state. I'm sick of antidepressants, I'm very tired.
I don't speak Spanish or English, I'm from Brazil.

Feliz aniversário Naufrago

Thanks, but my birthday is January 25th. If I can hold out for up to 54 years...

[Removed]

I feel so much pain with your story. I confess that I cried and feel bad for wanting ctb with people with traumas worse than mine...

 

[xLosthopex]

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