Venting “At least you’re still eating enough”

[willitpass]

I tried talking to my therapist today about how much I'm struggling with my eating disorder right now and how I feel like it's unmanageable. Her response was "well if it's where you aren't necessarily the most happy with your body maybe we can just accept it as it is since you're still eating enough to be healthy. I mean, it could be where you're completely restricting". I want to restrict so fucking bad after hearing that. I've been begging and begging for the last couple of weeks for help with my relapse. I keep getting non-answers and some bullshit like "well you should just know how to use your coping skills". No one is listening to me. I feel like the only way to get help is to straight up stop eating at this point. It's like if I'm eating enough to not drop dead no one wants to help me.

I don't even know what I want anymore. It's not like I want to live. I would rather die. But I can't die while I'm here. I guess the best option is to pretend it's all fine and dandy so I can leave and CTB. I just can't live in a head where everything is against me all the time. I'm dying inside. And the mental healthcare system is a sham.

 

[theboy]

You have the right to change therapists.
Unfortunately people pay attention when you are on the verge of dying.
Your therapist mentions "coping skills", in what sense? coping with what exactly?

 

[sanction]

Personally I've never been to therapy, nor will I ever go

I feel for the most part, it is not effective. It may help for people with MINOR life problems and stress. So can use them for a little boost, to uplift the mood

But if you've reached the stage that you already opened your eyes in this world, and realize how bullshit life is, or have struggles that are beyond "minor", basically the best a therapist can do is just give you some sugar coated supportive "words", which in actual reality, does nothing at all, because they are just "words"

With the internet nowadays, we can probably already find unlimited sugar coated supportive "words" and content to listen to

I feel that at best, a therapist can make you feel better for 24 hours, a few days, or maybe a week, before you naturally resume your actual situation, which is to deal with this meaningless existence that we're stuck in, which we simply can't hide from

In the end, it is still up to us to deal with 99% of our life's problems. They can at most help with 1%, which is to share supportive "words" to hopefully uplift your mood for a temporary period

They are not any real or effective "solution". Just a temporary "mood boosting" service, in return for a paid fee

 

[whyDoesItHurtSoMuch]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you're really hurting and trying to ask for help and no one is listening.

I wish I could make things better for you. Please know that even tho I can't fix things, I see you and I hear you and I acknowledge your suffering.

But if you've reached the stage that you already opened your eyes in this world, and realize how bullshit life is, or have struggles that are beyond "minor", basically the best a therapist can do is just give you some sugar coated supportive "words", which in actual reality, does nothing at all, because they are just "words"

I relate to this so much. It's like once the veil is lifted, there's no going back and therapy is not enough.

 

[onthefence]

My therapy is so triggering lately that I lost 90 minutes after the last session and came to in a different place… I want to quit but if I quit I'm probably gonna leave. And leave someone in a very rough spot. They tried having me track food for my ED and I started losing more weight.

 

[sanction]

I relate to this so much. It's like once the veil is lifted, there's no going back and therapy is not enough.

Exactly. In the end, we all come here just to work our asses off and stress about money and survival for many decades, just to get old and decline, and eventually die, after all this invested effort

On top of this, there are endless other stress and things to deal with, in order to maintain our daily lives. For most people, it is 80-90% stress, and only 10-20% of something maybe a little more positive

But even the "positive", isn't even anything that special at all. For example, taking a 30 minute break, while you are working 8 hours at a job. Is that "break", really that special in the end??

For this example, basically if it was a therapist, they would suggest you to focus on the beauty of that "30 minute break", and learn to appreciate it. Which is bullshit

To be honest, probably some "therapist" are struggling themselves too LOL. They are just human. This whole therapy thing is simply just their job and career to make money only. Its not as special as they advertise it to be

But of course is understandable as well, if you may want to give them a try. We're all just stuck on this planet, constantly trying to find answers to this meaningless existence, lol

 

[whyDoesItHurtSoMuch]

Exactly. In the end, we all come here just to work our asses off and stress about money and survival for many decades, just to get old and decline, and eventually die, after all this invested effort

On top of this, there are endless other stress and things to deal with, in order to maintain our daily lives. For most people, it is 80-90% stress and headache stretched over many decades, and only 10-20% of something maybe a little more positive

But even the "positive", isn't even anything that special at all. For example, taking a 30 minute break, while you are working 8 hours at a job. Is that "break", really that special and positive??

For this example, basically if it was a therapist, they would suggest you to focus on the beauty of that "30 minute break", and learn to appreciate it, which in the end is bullshit

To be honest, behind the scenes, probably some "therapist" are struggling themselves too LOL. They are just human. This whole therapy thing is simply just their job and career to make money only. Its not as special as they advertise it to be

But of course is understandable as well, if you may want to give them a try. We're all just stuck on this planet, trying to find answers to this meaningless existence, lol

You're not wrong.

Fortunately, I have seen a movement within the practice of therapy that challenges conventional approaches to therapy. These movements focus more on the context of depression and ideation, removing the onus from the individual and acknowledging that we live in a system that is really screwed up. It deconstructs our notions of what "sane" is and questions who gets to define what is "normal." However, therapists like this are rare and tend to not take insurance, so it's not easy to get an appointment and the appointments are not cheap.

 

[Life'sA6itch]

Personally I've never been to therapy, nor will I ever go

I feel for the most part, it is not effective. It may help for people with MINOR life problems and stress. So can use them for a little boost, to uplift the mood

But if you've reached the stage that you already opened your eyes in this world, and realize how bullshit life is, or have struggles that are beyond "minor", basically the best a therapist can do is just give you some sugar coated supportive "words", which in actual reality, does nothing at all, because they are just "words"

With the internet nowadays, we can probably already find unlimited sugar coated supportive "words" and content to listen to

I feel that at best, a therapist can make you feel better for 24 hours, a few days, or maybe a week, before you naturally resume your actual situation, which is to deal with this meaningless existence that we're stuck in, which we simply can't hide from

In the end, it is still up to us to deal with 99% of our life's problems. They can at most help with 1%, which is to share supportive "words" to hopefully uplift your mood for a temporary period

They are not any real or effective "solution". Just a temporary "mood boosting" service, in return for a paid fee

"Personally I've never been to therapy, nor will I ever go. I feel for the most part, it is not effective. It may help for people with MINOR life problems and stress. So can use them for a little boost, to uplift the mood"

 

[galaxid]

To be honest, probably some "therapist" are struggling themselves too LOL. They are just human. This whole therapy thing is simply just their job and career to make money only. Its not as special as they advertise it to be

Not gonna lie, I've had therapists that have struggled the bare minimum and believed they could therefore assist someone with bipolar disorder. He kept espousing this bs about having experienced depression, explaining how he'd managed to dig himself out of it, etc. And I sat there and realized that his version of depression was so shallow. He didn't understand the severity, constantly assumed I was being dramatic.

At least the ones who've faced actual hardship can relate to the struggles we face. Other than that I believe a lot of them are working off textbook knowledge and vague assumptions based on the people they've seen. Those are the worst, because 9/10 times they have no idea what they're talking about.

 

[sanction]

Not gonna lie, I've had therapists that have struggled the bare minimum and believed they could therefore assist someone with bipolar disorder. He kept espousing this bs about having experienced depression, explaining how he'd managed to dig himself out of it, etc. And I sat there and realized that his version of depression was so shallow. He didn't understand the severity, constantly assumed I was being dramatic.

At least the ones who've faced actual hardship can relate to the struggles we face. Other than that I believe a lot of them are working off textbook knowledge and vague assumptions based on the people they've seen. Those are the worst, because 9/10 times they have no idea what they're talking about.

Yeah, its definitely complicated

Some years ago, there was a period where my life was somewhat acceptable, I was optimistic about life and the world in general

If during that period, someone were to tell me they are depressed or suicidal, I'd probably not be able to fully understand, and instead misunderstood they either have problems, or are being too negative or weak, therefore it's instead up to them to find solutions and improve

Of course now that I'm much more aware how complicated life is, and also depressed and suicidal myself, that is no longer the case

Therefore, as you said, your therapist is simply fortunate enough to have never experienced some of the worst. So they are simply providing guidance based on their limited and naive perspective, and just automatically assume you should also follow their perspective as the solution.

In the end, it's like both of you are speaking completely difference languages, not able to fully connect, due to completely different life reality and circumstances. It's almost like the rich and fortunate, trying to share comfort words to the poor and less fortunate

Honestly, this world is so fucked, no therapist can truly solve anyone's real problems. It's all just sugar coated supportive words, which honestly has extremely limited effect

This forum is my best therapist instead. Anyone who needs therapy, come to this site lol

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Personally I've never been to therapy, nor will I ever go

I feel for the most part, it is not effective. It may help for people with MINOR life problems and stress. So can use them for a little boost, to uplift the mood

If you've never been to therapy before then how are you qualified to say anything about it in regard to its effectiveness? I've also never gone to therapy before and don't plan on ever going but I have seen people who have suffered from extreme mental health issues and trauma who have talked about it helping them out a lot. For some people, it's more effective than for others, which is the case with most things in life. Everyone responds to things differently.

 

[sanction]

If you've never been to therapy before then how are you qualified to say anything about it in regard to its effectiveness? I've also never gone to therapy before and don't plan on ever going but I have seen people who have suffered from extreme mental health issues and trauma who have talked about it helping them out a lot. For some people, it's more effective than for others, which is the case with most things in life. Everyone responds to things differently.

Of course I could be wrong, but my guess is for the most part, there is limited effect

Of course for some people, it will work, that's why the industry exists

But if it were so effective, then many of us on this forum would of recovered already, living a happy life

It's kind of like providing assistance service in battle fields and war zones, where the people suffering are provided food, medicine, and supplies. On the surface, may seem like it's helping people

But in the end, they are still living in hell. If anything, it's just better than nothing only, but not as great as it's being advertised. Especially since now there's the internet. Sometimes it's more comforting to find communities like this instead

But whatever works best for each individual. All the best to everyone suffering

 

[EvisceratedJester]

But if it were so effective, then many of us on this forum would of recovered already, living a happy life

No, the fact that people on this forum haven't found therapy to be useful doesn't really prove anything. Who do you think is going to be more likely to sign up to here? Those who happen to have found therapy to be useful or who haven't? This forum isn't really a good representation of the general public. It's a niche space centred around suicide and thus it's likely to have more people who suffer from issues, such as treatment-resistant mental illnesses, come on here.

As I've stated before, for some people it might be more effective than for others.

 

[sanction]

No, the fact that people on this forum haven't found therapy to be useful doesn't really prove anything. Who do you think is going to be more likely to sign up to here? Those who happen to have found therapy to be useful or who haven't? This forum isn't really a good representation of the general public. It's a niche space centred around suicide and thus it's likely to have more people who suffer from issues, such as treatment-resistant mental illnesses, come on here.

As I've stated before, for some people it might be more effective than for others.

For example, let's say there are 2 people

Both of them are in similar situation (sick, broke/ in debt, family already died, been struggling for years)

One person goes to therapy, and feels hopeful after it

The other person also goes to therapy, but realizes in reality, nothing much has changed. Especially either way, will still die in the end no matter what, so feels its not worth it to continue, and still rathers not wake up

Of course, it is possible to shift the mindset. So really depends on how strong the person's will and urge to live is

For example, there are homeless people living on the streets for decades, but still continue to live. While sometimes there are millionaires or celebrities that commit suicide. So really depends on the person I guess

And I'm definitely not saying you're wrong. You have a point for sure

I guess we all just come to this world to mainly work and pay bills, be a slave for many decades, just to get old, sick, and die one by one.

So at least for me, therapy has limited effect, after realizing this cold truth. This world is definitely not a place full of sunshine and rainbows as society / government advertise it to be

But if church or therapy can help make it more bearable for some people to get through this journey, then that's great

Otherwise the next best alternative may be drugs or alcohol lol

 

[Forever Sleep]

I actually hate the phrase 'at least' in most sentences. It tends to imply- 'It's all right for you' or: 'You have it better than me (at least.)' Reasurance that things are actually ok doesn't really help me when I feel like they're not. It's like telling someone your problem and being told: 'Yeah, but it isn't that bad'.

Maybe that works on some people. The whole: 'Making mountains out of molehills' perspective.

What's worse is, I probably do it to others on occassion. Maybe it's because we try to look for positives in a scenario to point someone towards hope. Or, we're trying to reframe their thinking to focus on the positive and not dwell on catastrophizing- which I tend to do.

I imagine a lot of conversations around food would be triggering for someone suffering with an eating disorder. Did you tell them that being told something like that makes you want to restrict? Sometimes I think maybe they need guidance on what does and doesn't work for someone.

A conversation around that should delve deeper into things I would have thought. Why is the phrase: 'At least you're eating enough to be healthy' triggering? From other posts and all the self harm you've put yourself through, from a layperson's perspective, it seems to me like you feel as if you don't deserve to be healthy. Aren't they trying to figure out why that might be?

 

[willitpass]

I actually hate the phrase 'at least' in most sentences. It tends to imply- 'It's all right for you' or: 'You have it better than me (at least.)' Reasurance that things are actually ok doesn't really help me when I feel like they're not. It's like telling someone your problem and being told: 'Yeah, but it isn't that bad'.

Maybe that works on some people. The whole: 'Making mountains out of molehills' perspective.

What's worse is, I probably do it to others on occassion. Maybe it's because we try to look for positives in a scenario to point someone towards hope. Or, we're trying to reframe their thinking to focus on the positive and not dwell on catastrophizing- which I tend to do.

I imagine a lot of conversations around food would be triggering for someone suffering with an eating disorder. Did you tell them that being told something like that makes you want to restrict? Sometimes I think maybe they need guidance on what does and doesn't work for someone.

A conversation around that should delve deeper into things I would have thought. Why is the phrase: 'At least you're eating enough to be healthy' triggering? From other posts and all the self harm you've put yourself through, from a layperson's perspective, it seems to me like you feel as if you don't deserve to be healthy. Aren't they trying to figure out why that might be?

We have delved into my low sense of self worth, and have determined that a lot of it seems to have stemmed from my abusive mother growing up and internalizing what she told me. From there it has become a combination of learned helplessness and Stockholm Syndrome to my own depression. We've made progress on the mechanics of my depression, and my depressive symptoms have actually improved decently, but the suicidal thoughts have stayed stagnant. They will not budge. It seems that the desire to die extends beyond the depression.

They have been useless in my eating disorder though. I've stopped even mentioning it because it never gets anywhere.

 

[aslostasyouare33]

I tried talking to my therapist today about how much I'm struggling with my eating disorder right now and how I feel like it's unmanageable. Her response was "well if it's where you aren't necessarily the most happy with your body maybe we can just accept it as it is since you're still eating enough to be healthy. I mean, it could be where you're completely restricting". I want to restrict so fucking bad after hearing that. I've been begging and begging for the last couple of weeks for help with my relapse. I keep getting non-answers and some bullshit like "well you should just know how to use your coping skills". No one is listening to me. I feel like the only way to get help is to straight up stop eating at this point. It's like if I'm eating enough to not drop dead no one wants to help me.

I don't even know what I want anymore. It's not like I want to live. I would rather die. But I can't die while I'm here. I guess the best option is to pretend it's all fine and dandy so I can leave and CTB. I just can't live in a head where everything is against me all the time. I'm dying inside. And the mental healthcare system is a sham

I actually hate the phrase 'at least' in most sentences. It tends to imply- 'It's all right for you' or: 'You have it better than me (at least.)' Reasurance that things are actually ok doesn't really help me when I feel like they're not. It's like telling someone your problem and being told: 'Yeah, but it isn't that bad'.

Maybe that works on some people. The whole: 'Making mountains out of molehills' perspective.

What's worse is, I probably do it to others on occassion. Maybe it's because we try to look for positives in a scenario to point someone towards hope. Or, we're trying to reframe their thinking to focus on the positive and not dwell on catastrophizing- which I tend to do.

I imagine a lot of conversations around food would be triggering for someone suffering with an eating disorder. Did you tell them that being told something like that makes you want to restrict? Sometimes I think maybe they need guidance on what does and doesn't work for someone.

A conversation around that should delve deeper into things I would have thought. Why is the phrase: 'At least you're eating enough to be healthy' triggering? From other posts and all the self harm you've put yourself through, from a layperson's perspective, it seems to me like you feel as if you don't deserve to be healthy. Aren't they trying to figure out why that might be?

It really is hard having Eating Disorders especially because I have multiple gastro diseases and it's killing my body and I have to eat through a feeding tube and people are so insensitive about it they have no idea how hard it is